Seeking some perspective

[LondonGirl83]

Hi all-- my daughter has hit all her milestones (cognitive and physical) early since birth and has just turned 18 months. My husband and I were largely the same and so while we are often told how advanced she is by nursery, health visitor checks, friends and family etc I haven't thought much about it. My husband and I both have reasonably high IQs and so felt she would be like us and we'd generally be able to anticipate her needs (social / emotional / academic).

However, in the last month her development seems to have accelerated. I'm not sure how common the below is- she seems to be ahead of our NCT group and and other kids we know but that's a fairly small sample. If it does seem highly unusual, what if anything do parents whose children had a similar profile wish they'd known? I guess I'm just looking for some perspective and any words of wisdom anyone has to share:

1. She speaks in 3-4 word sentences (this started when she was 16 months old) and has a vocabulary of circa 500 words - her nursery keep track as part of mapping her development. She uses pronouns and the possessive "s", plurals, the gerund and spatial concepts (over, under, on, in, etc)
2. She knows her colours (10 main ones)
3. She can count to 15 reliably and up to 20 occasionally
4. She can enumerate small sets up to 5 though most reliably to 3 accurately
5. She knows some common shapes- circle, triangle, diamond, star etc
6. Can put together a 6 piece jigsaw puzzle
7. Has memorised scores of books
8. Can tell left from right- this is recent but happened out of nowhere
9. Knows the entire alphabet both upper and lower case (has done from around 16 months)

10. Likes to be read 10-15 books a day 11. She picks out her own clothes in the morning and asks me to buy clothes she sees when we go shopping that she likes 12. Knows several songs by heart and sings them regularly to and with us

Physically she is also moderately advanced walked at 9 months, sat up at 4 months, pincer grip at 4 months, could stack high tower blocks at 8 months etc. Loves being very active playground, swimming and Gymboree are favourite activities and she needs lots of exercise everyday. She plays well with other kids and is 'special playmates' with two other toddlers at nursery and one of our friends' kid.

Speaking as a parent with a child who is gifted (hate the label) don't be in a rush to give them a label, this will come by itself when your dd is older.
Whether you want this and end up welcoming or not. It can be a curse as well as a blessing.
Carry on what you are doing, your child sounds very bright. Give lots of opportunities to learn through play and surround with fun activities and games.

Romany thanks, I've not actually used the word gifted here or in real life. I agree labels can be damaging. I actually don't even like for people to say she is clever in front of her as I'd like to reinforce the idea of effort rather than result being the most rewarding aspect of doing or trying something. Its difficult though, as when strangers say it, they are just being nice, so I can't easily ask them not to. Do you have personal experience of the curse side? Learning about other people's experiences is why I started the thread.

Just I think your issue with it is that you interpret it as boastful which as an outsider I can say is a particularly English hang-up. Kids who learn to do things without the instruction most children would need are acting of their own initiative quite obviously.

My dd1 could do pretty much all that at that age. She did love being read to.
As such it is impossible to compare dc as one who is happy to listen. Is very different to one who grabs the book or shuts it.
She has picked up reading very easily. But struggles with maths. I think its just that the development charts show the lower ranges as it's to pick up the more behind ones.
Dc2 has been completely different and speech though still 5+ words at 18m etc has been nowhere near as clear or descriptive. It may well be pfb for dc1. Dd2 is much better at physical things.
Personality/temperament/parental input. Also girls generally seem to be more advanced.
Signs of intelligence imo is not so much the doing things like x no of words etc it's in what they say - like the pp with dc understanding gravity.

London

I admire your stance on this, as they grow up it's so easy to get carried away with it all. My dc isn't academic it's music, but the amount of times parents have said I must be so proud.
For a while I was embarrassed as it made me a bit awkward, then I was scared of coming across as big headed.
Now, I say I'm proud, but not of the gift or talent, but the effort, work, determination, and the other positives that make them good at what they do.
I think you have a great attitude and I think encouraging your child education in the early years is the best opportunity you can give them.
Mine is 14 now and we are finally beginning to manage her behaviour, perhaps not behaviour and attitude that other parents have
experienced, but challenging.
best of luck to you, my love.

I have agreed to disagree. If you genuinely believe your child taught themselves, I do not think I will change your view. Being English, it still sounds boastful and ridiculous to me.

I used to be a childminder so I have interacted with many babies and toddlers over the years. I have had only one little girl who had similar development at that age (although she didn't like books/to be read to). Her language skills were similar to yours DS'. She is now 9 years old and very academic, but she is not G&T - children develop at very different rates and it's very difficult to say if a child will become/is G&T at 18 months.

I have a 'late developer' myself, he didn't speak before he was over 3, but could do puzzles/sorting shapes/could recognise numbers and letters (but couldn't say them). His 'talent' started to show in year 2-3 at school, but at home we always knew that he was developing differently from other kids.

I don't really have any advice, just that your DD sounds advanced and lovely. Enjoy! and it's not a race...

Sorry, I didn't answer your question.

Socially at school mine was fine, and I imagine yours will be too, if you encourage her to be sociable and a good friend.
The problem was her attitude towards her music and general behaviour.
Trying to get out of doing homework (and school) so she could practice.
Yours might find they are bored at school if streets ahead.
Mine wasn't big headed but believed she was put on this earth to play music and nothing else. she struggles with academic work but won't put in much extra effort as it takes time away from music.
She's stubborn, determined and won't listen, and has always been the same, long before becoming a teen.
The worst part were the assessments for a serious mh condition, which she didn't turn out to have.
You might not get the illusions of grandeur but we did. It wasn't boasting to her, just stating facts, she wasn't going to dance to anyone else's tune.
She left school at 8 to be H.ed as "school was getting in the way of her career" I can't tell you the phrase I used to dh after she came out with this, it wasn't good.
Anyway, long story short, she is now with people who share the same subject, with similar goals and ambitions, in the nicest way most of this group of children are a bit weird and freaky, thinking nothing of practising for up to 6 hours a day at times.

You may come to the point where you have to reassess your whole lifestyle and that of your families. we were lucky as our dd is the youngest of our dc the others being grown up now and not affected by it too much.

Just to be clear, I have never once said my daughter taught herself anything which is why I was so confused that people kept bringing it up. But thanks for putting me in my place about how "boastful" I am about something I never claimed...

Romany wow, that's quite an experience... Was it hard to shift your mindset about what was appropriate? It sounds like it was quite a battle!

Twofishfingers that's interesting. When you say she's highly academic but not gifted what do you mean? In the US, an IQ of 130 makes you gifted which is about 98th percentile. You'd find a couple of these in each year group in a large secondary school. I'm not really interested in labels but I'm trying understand the distinction you are making.

Naty1 that's interesting. The PFB thing is real though. In pretty much all studies, first born children have a significantly higher IQ on average, and it continues to decline with birth order. Of course in real life there will be lots of exceptions to this but that's how it plays out at population level. It sounds like your daughter if very able in languages.

Sorry, OP, I misread and thought you were implying that the teaching themselves phrase could be applied to your dd. To be fair, saying I had issues with hang-ups because I am English was equally rude. However, letting bygones be bygones, I am happy to acknowledge, on more careful rereading, you did not at any point claim your dd taught herself and indeed did give several examples of where you have taught her, such as reading counting books.

I cannot see the problem with teaching. A child will advance because of how intelligent they are genetically and how well they are taught.
There is, however, sometimes on this forum, the feeling that a child can only be truly girted if they have not been taught. Call me English, the phrase often used here of," my two year old taught themselves...", still seems boastful and ridiculous, but I do apologise for classing you in this.

IQ is just a measurement. I have to admit that I don't trust an IQ score measured on a toddler/young child. It's not an answer all for everyone.

My own DS is G&T in maths and music, and very good in all subjects. (he is 11 years old, and reached absolutely none of his baby milestones on target, didn't speak before the age of 3, was very slow to develop physically, struggled to make eye contact for ages and still does, etc) and I have absolutely no interest in having his IQ tested.

I taught myself to read from watching sesame St and could read fluently by 3. I could read the newspaper (times) at 4.

Let her learn, take her to art galleries, exhibitions, talk to her all the time. My father used to ask me questions and discuss the answers with me all the time. He would always ask me to think of the other side of an argument. He was ace.

I taught myself to read from watching sesame St and could read fluently by 3. I could read the newspaper (times) at 4.

well, you didn't really teach yourself to read, then , did you.

You were taught to read by Sesame Street, which is what it was designed to do, teach the children of illiterate or non- English speaking parents how to read.

She is very advanced. If she can learn to read at age 2, I would say her IQ would be in the 150 range.

What you have is a child whose parents clearly have invested a great deal of time and energy on. You've exposed her to myriad experiences repeatedly, and this has had a great impact on her development. As you've already identified, in a bell curve of child development she is very much at the right hand side. She has got a good start in her educational progress. But don't kid yourself that this will absolutely continue to be the case. You could be describing my brother word for word. However, if you spoke to my adult brother now, he would say that it was a complete curse. He was held on a pedestal by adults around him, parents, teachers, sports coaches. This lasted until he eventually crashed and burned as a young teenager, when he could no longer cope with the accolades.
My own DD is extremely intelligent and met all her milestones very early. At secondary school, she too had a bit of an emotional meltdown because, in her words, everybody expects her to be better than anyone else apart from the people she wanted to be friends with. She became isolated by some peers, subjected to bullying but kept this to herself, and ended up suffering from major anxieties. I felt I'd pushed her too much, expected too much, didn't allow room for failure, didn't let her just be!
My advice to you is be thankful for your child, enjoy watching her develop, do everything you can to ensure she enjoys life.

well, you didn't really teach yourself to read, then , did you

Ooh, OK salty!

I agree with Clairetree1, you did pick up reading by watching a program designed to teach reading. It is no use getting miffy because someone is stating the obvious.

It still amazes me on this forum, how much teaching can be done and people still class it as a 2 year old teaching themselves.

I can’t believe a pp thinks what your child can do is average apart from knowing the colours. It really is not!

What stands out is that obviously you’re providing a rich learning environment which enables your dc to pick things up. Many parents do but your dc is then engaging massively in this and able to pick up and retain lots of info and skills. Keep doing what you’re doing.

By teaching themselves, it is obvious that it is meant the dc learn without lots of prompting and instruction but through engaging with what is around them and that is a skill and amazing at 18 months or two.

PinkAvocado, then why not use the more accurate phrase "picked things up from..." rather than "taught themselves."

Also the OP is not claiming their child taught themselves.

What London's child can do is above average. However, if a child is learning from their environment why not put some thought and design into it so the child learns quicker?

I used to enjoy making up games for dd to teach her the next step along from where she was at. It seemed a quite natural thing to do.

If you are not consciously teaching your child and are managing to teach them anyway, why not teach them consciously and help them reach their potential?

It concerns me that the more the myth is put about that "truly gifted", children just teach themselves, the more people who, for whatever reason, are not able to provide their child with a naturally educationally rich environment, will think their child less capable of learning if they tried to teach them.

Because they probably didn’t think people would leap on that turn of phase and pick it apart like bitchy vultures?

It seems to me that the OP is doing a fine job for her dc to be achieving what they are without being too pushy. She’s (as I said previously), clearly providing an enabling environment.

DS 10 was similar to your daughter at that age. Still loves to read and very advanced at maths and science. Has no artistic skills at all and appalling handwriting skills.
He speaks in a very adult manner and people often say he's a little old man!!! He's struggles in social situations with his peers but not with adults.
Last year he was diagnosed with high functioning autisim.
He is very advanced in the things he's interested in but not in the things he's not!!!!
We thought we had a genius but nope...a child with Autism.

What a lot of weird bitchery on this thread. Keep doing what you are doing OP, your dd sounds extremely clever.

bitchy vultures?

This discussion is getting too Jeremy Kyle for me.

Yes you’ve definitely dragged it down JustRichmal by trying to be difficult and mean for the sake of it. I agree.

I mistook what the OP was saying and apologised for it. Have you read the thread? Just because I do not agree with the definition of what "Taught themselves", generally means, I do not think I am being mean. However,I should not have jumped to the conclusion that this is what she was saying.

I have said she is doing a good job and her child is ahead.