Secondary: State, grammar or private - What did you choose?

[insideoutsider]

Hello all,

I'm starting to consider secondary for my 9yo DD. She's on the school's G&T register (they sent us a letter following some 'assessment' held for several kids in the borough). She's always been 'advanced' since nursery, top table in everything throughout primary, attends the 'exclusive' maths club for the G&T kids in the borough on Saturdays, aced the yr6 SAT test papers last summer.

She loves political issues and works through discussions - we listen to LBC because of her. I was working on a report last week and was stuck. This child recommended a way to untangle it and I completed the report on the back of it ! We are all very academic but she's on a different level - they would all rather read than do anything else. They do their homework before anything else; I hardly see it. So, in general, I encourage her; I don't want to push more.

Anyway, my heart is set on a state secondary school nearby. It's an outstanding school, quite academic, many of her school mates will be going there. However, everywhere we go where her abilities stand out (maths club, quiz eves etc), everyone asks if she's going to grammar school. I've considered it and I'm not interested really. The closest one is miles away although there is an organised school bus. However, I feel really guilty that I might be holding her back from joining co-high-ability kids; like I could be giving her something more.

Some others are telling me to apply for a bursary to go to a private school but the ones I found are not close and it just seems such a hassle as they'll expect her to keep 'performing'. She'll do anyway, but I don't want to put any kind of pressure on her.

So, what have you done and what do you think? If you had similar circumstances, did you send your dc to grammar school? Did they keep doing well at a good state school? Did you go private?

Your experiences would be very welcome

Ok so I am going back a few years with my own personal experience but, please have a look at all the options - don't decide without seeing all the schools (you mention not going to look round the grammar in case you really like it!)

I went to a nearby comp at 11 which was supposed to be one of the best in our area (3 miles from home rather than round the corner which was where my catchment school was). My dad had wanted us to look at the nearest grammar which was about 17 miles away over the county boundary. My mum wasn't keen as she worried about the distance and didn't want me to struggle (she wasn't academic herself) so my dad didn't pursue it. In hindsight I probably would have taken the test if we'd looked round, and I'd have gone had I passed.

To cut a long story short, I wasn't stretched at the comp and was bullied because I was bright and curious and wanted to learn. I ended up taking the entrance exam at Easter in year 9 and switched schools in the May (should have gone for start of GCSEs but the bullying got so bad they let me go early). Turned out I was behind in french, German and Biology so I had to get extra tuition to catch up. Was the best thing I ever did and I not only did better there, I thrived - culminating in a place at Cambridge.

The commute on organised coaches was actually fine (and in some ways it added to the social aspect of the day so that when we got home we just did our homework!) and I had friends who lived spread out, but some who were just as close as the ones I had at the comp. About a month ago I went to a reunion dinner and it was packed full of alumni who loved their time at the school.

I don't know how your daughter will do academically, but I really urge you to check out all the options properly with an open mind.

DD is off to a superselective grammar school in September. But it's our closest secondary school, less than a 10 minute walk away from our front door. If it wasn't close, I'd have no qualms about sending her to our local comprehensive, which is a short bus ride away.

I'd highly recommend visiting the schools in question - we started open day visits in the summer of year 4/Autumn of year 5 and it definitely helped clarify our thinking, and ignited DD's willingness to work for the 11+ during year 5.

DD is also G&T and we know she will excel extra-curricular. Given she rides well and wants to get into lax and sport in general to compliment her academic work going private has been the obvious route. Where do you live in the country OP? Happy give you any info. you need about best private schools for your DD.

Thanks for your posts.
I think we'll go to the outstanding comprehensive school that's nearby. It is a very academic school with lots of extracurricular activities.
I'm a single mom and it'll be a struggle splitting myself between schools on opposite ends and dealing with different schools to fully support the kids. I also work near full time as well as doing a PhD.

@RosieWoodChelt - I'm not pursuing the private route any longer. The ones near us are about the same academically as the comprehensive and others are quite a distance away.

Thanks again.