Gifted or just bright? Age 4

[ItsGemma]

My little girl is 4, she starts reception in September and has been in a nursery thats attached to the school for the last year.

My health visitor (who has been visiting us while reviewing our 2nd child) mentioned a few months ago that our LG may well be classed as Gifted. Until that day I had no idea what that meant. I always knew she was bright, but first child and no friends with children meant I never really knew how far off average she was.

She has always been on target or above for mile stones, and very early with speech. Her first "proper" word (i.e. not mama, dada, do-de) was at about 11 months (it was Teddy - clear as a bell) and she was using broken sentences at about 14 months ("We go shops now") - by 2, her speech was perfect, and she has an excellent vocabulary and uses better grammar than most adults I know haha (she corrected me the other day because when we were walking I said that park was "not much further" "farther mummy".)

Fast forward to where we are now. As I say, she isn't in school yet, but is reading well. A teacher friend gave us some books for her, and they are about right for her at "Oxford Reading Tree Level 4" - she can read all of the words but does stumble a little on a few and has to sound out and use the pictures to suss it out. She could possible read a little harder - but the non Reading Tree books we have are still a bit much for her - though we do read them together at bed time obviously.

I asked her nursery teacher where I could get some books that were suitable for her, and I was told she "shouldn't be reading yet" and we were told to go back to "can you find and "a" on this page" so that she didn't excel to far past what they will be learning when she starts reception... that really grated me, but thats not the point here, i've since found out about the reading tree and it's making it easier to search out appropriate books (thank you scholastic!!)

She can write well, and forms most letters correctly (sometimes b and d she does the loop from the bottom instead of going back up, but thats it) - she can spell most words that she can read, or at least has a very good guess. She's written about 10 different letters to people this holiday thanking for new toys, telling grandparents what we are up to etc. At first we wrote it out as she dictated, and then she copied. But now she writes and just asks us how to spell words she doesn't know.

She has a good basic knowledge of maths and knows shapes and numbers, and can work out addition and subtraction using counters and bits of paper (or up to probably around 8 in her head) - but its not one of her biggest strengths.

She has an excellent memory, and seems to spout facts from nowhere that she must have heard on TV or something, today telling me that "the moon isn't made of cheese its made of rock, it just looks like cheese because of craters" or the other day "when we flush the toilet, it goes down a drain, gets cleaned and then goes into the sea!"

She's also got a huge interest in the human body - she has a skeleton that you can take apart and put together, and it has internal organs that you put in in the right order. She can tell me all about how her organs work (better than I knew until recently! haha) she tells me that the oesophagus is like a trap door so you cant breathe and swallow, and that the stomach squashes all the food together to mix it up ready to go into your intestines. She understands blood pressure (I spent a lot of time in hospital with high BP before baby brother was born, so I think that's possibly where the interest comes from) and is just generally keen to know EVERYTHING!

I feel like her nursery was no bloody help, though I never mentioned gifted / talented to them as I felt that I would be brushed off as one of "those" parents. She got into a lot of trouble at nursery. Fortunately never being unkind, but being constantly disruptive - and I feel that it is because she was bored, which I mentioned to the teachers but it seemed to be disregarded.

I worry that when she goes into reception she's going to carry on being bored and disruptive and getting into trouble, and it's going to be a poor start to what should be a great time for her.

I feel like I can't talk to my friends. I posted a video of her reading on Facebook to show my family that I don't see often (and because I'm super proud of her!!) but have since received loooads of snide comments about how my child is "perfect" and how "it's alright for you with your genius child"

She's NOT perfect. She's such a handful, and I honestly don't know how to cope with her a lot of the time - I'm exhausted and have all the same problems every other mum has. It's not a bloody competition is it! But alas, everyone else seems to feel it is :(

I worry because when she is in the very play based education of Reception class she is going to get bored. We're 3 weeks into the summer holidays now, and she has every day bugged me to teach, to learn, to expand. I'm trying my hardest to keep her interest, but I'm spending every blooming evening to try and find things on pinterest that will keep her interested but are also at least a little bit play based. She just demands her activity books (those "ready for school" books you get at the works etc.)

I feel like responsibility for educating her is suddenly landing on me - and I don't know that I'm up to the task, she just wants more more more! Oh for a child that would crash in front of Cbeebies for a couple of hours, or go kick a football for a bit. She has a whole play room (which is, if I say so myself, AMAZING) that has loads of different toys set up for playing - but she's not interested for more than 5 minutes and just wants to write, read, do activity sheets, count, talk, question, experiment and explore.

Sorry, this has turned into a much longer post than I intended, but once I started rambling it just al started flowing out.

The main thing I guess I wanted to hear from others is

1. surely its not just me? This is exhausting.
2. what age were your lovelies identified formally as gifted and
3. did them being on the gifted register actually change how they were taught stuff, or does it just seem to be a paper work exercise?

Everything I can find online seems to talk about older children, and I'm feeling more and more alone in this.

My DD has just finished reception, and it sounds like she was a lot like your DD a year ago. I had a lot of the same concerns as you at that time. I was worried she’d be bored in reception, and I was worried that the school was not going to push her enough (as we’d had a different nursery experience from you, in that her private nursery thought she was exceptional but the school was not interested in listening to what her keyworker had to say about her).

A year later, and she has, predictably, exceeded against all of the early learning goals. However, what I’ve come to appreciate along the way is how much this year has taught her in other ways that I now recognise to be just as important: particularly about managing friendships, perseverance, confidence. I’ve realised that she can’t learn and excel unless she is happy, and helping her to learn how to manage her own emotional wellbeing is proving the most important thing.

I hope your daughter loves school and continues that amazing love of learning that she so clearly enjoys at the moment.

Might be worth a look at this: www.potentialplusuk.org

I just wrote a very similar post!
I feel very isolated and without much support.
My DD had just turned 4 she can read fluently and write letters and story's unaided
She has a understanding of Astrology and the human body
She can tell the time and do simple sums
And other subjects but I won't go on
I feel like I can't say anything or tell anyone or I'm accused of bragging or I get snyde comments
And the schools are no help
I'm at a bit of a loss
I'm not going to let her digress because the school doesn't want to teach at her level
Feel free to inbox me I'd love to talk to someone in the same situation x

My dd is one and im hoping shes like your daughter with her learning ive always wanted to givd my child go learning my mum never gave me your dd sounds so gifted and your a lucky mum

I think it's v difficult to tell at her age as plenty of children seem to be advanced but then things pan out later - others are advanced and continue to excell.

Either way, the important thing is that you realise that schools don't and can't tailor the curriculum perfectly to the individual child, even if they claim to! It's an impossible task and just not going to happen with classes of 20, let alone 30. I was a teacher for a number of years and although it is possible to extend for the bright children, you can't expect every lesson or subject to push your child so they achieve their full potential. If you want that then the best option is homeschooling! I'm sure your daughter will find aspects of reception boring but it will get better as she gets older and there are other ways of stretching her, if that's what you feel she needs.

Our son finished the Oxford Reading Tree scheme (up to level 10) when he was in nursery and at reception age he read The Hobbit as his reading book - and loved it! He is still a great reader but the difference is much less stark that it was between him and his peers. He had plenty of other things to work on though so we didn't focus on pushing his reading. He found losing games very difficult so we worked on that and gave him an electronics set/microscope etc to help satisfy all this questions and his thirst for knowledge (which, yes, it totally exhausting - get her to write questions and pop them in a 'question box', then do some research and pick out a couple each week to answer in depth). We decided that learning an instrument was a great thing to do - and this worked v well.

There is much more to education than just stretching your child in areas she is already good at, so try to focus on the not so good areas and then you won't be so disappointed with the reception year!

My son is the same, unusually alert from the day he was born, the doctor commented on this and said he will be a very intelligent, I didnt know then, but this proved to be right!

He was singing his alphabet by 1 and a half, he got bored very easily with toys, you would show him only once and he would master it. He then went on to car signs, road signs, street sign, anything he could see he will read. He started memorising the books I was reading to him at 3 and reading them back to me, at 4 now he is reading fluently and understands the story, he reads level 6 biff and chip books with ease. He has problems regulating his emotions which we are working on, he's a very sociable child, with 4 close friends, but nursery is boring for him, so they are going to challenge him more, as I got him accessed last week by a educational psychologist, who said he was highly able. So now he will get additional support for learning in nursery and through to school in August. It has been a long hard struggle with the nursery as they just thought I was a pushy parent and didn't listen to me, as a last resort after many incidents I had no choice to tell them he was a very able child, but they look at you like your stupid. They had him down as ADHD and now they are proved wrong, they can't even look at me. There needs to be more training for nursery teachers to spot these amazing children, as if it wasn't for me getting the psychologist in, my boy would have slipped through the net as a naughty disobedient child, when all he wants is to learn and be heard.

I agree with most mums here. We grappled with the same question as well - DS was already at level 10 ORT before starting Reception last Sept, can add up to 5 digit numbers, taught himself concept of multiplication and division, very interested in space and human body, does non-verbal reasoning meant for 8-9 years old, etc.

But agreed it is 1% genius and 99% perspiration - my job / passion is to make sure that I always challenge this 1%. We do lots of mental maths and other things to keep him challenged because the school caters in a very limited way (and I'm talking about a posh central London private school!). But at home, we also do lots of drawing and art too (he loves his oil pastels). I also ask him to go and play with his miniature toys (bought from poundland!) on his own. The outcome is that he is great with making up stories and characters and that's my favourite part - thanks to art, playtime and music!

It is important that in the process, the creativity doesn't get lost. Therefore, I fully support what other mums say - focus on STEM activities - building, creating, music, extracurricular.

No, we never got DS tested for G&T and there's no point. The class teacher has already told us he will be going to G&T register next year but she has also told us about the disruptive behaviour issues! He answers even before the teacher finishes the question, which obviously is so disruptive that he's almost there in the bad books too (alongwith the G&T register!). We've had two parent teacher meetings and have been told off in both for DS' behaviour. But we keep working on it, keep talking about it and keep going on. Schools play a very small role if the child is gifted and it depends on the teacher as well (I know DS' teacher pushes him differently than the rest of the class but I have a significant role to play too in all this).

You should ask yourself what next based on your child's ability - is there a better teacher for a 4 or 5 year old than mum? 99% perspiration, that's motherhood!

Sounds bright to me - my niece is 4 and was doing things like this when she turned 3 and they said she was bright and not gifted - well done to your little one! Maybe get specialist books yourself and do it at home with her if her school won't help?

I think (am I'm no expert mind) that you shouldn't worry too much about your kid unless she turns into a total toad at school in terms of behaviour :) - and you should focus on her intellectual interests at home. Does she like science? Get her round the local science museum, get her doing little projects.

I suppose it's just that when I look at adults who have done well (I know lots of people who are intellectually bright because me and OH went to oxbridge and a certain percentage of the people there were really brillliant- plus I work for a university) it isn't about their quick mind so much as perseverance and grit and a focused vision of what they want.

I was one of those 'wow, look at that kid' brainboxes but I kind of feel that I've limited myself but not learning how to focus and concentrate when I was young rather than just breezing about, whereas DH (who was the same) did learn to focus better. Our 5 yr old DS is definitely very able, but to be honest, at this point I'm really trying to focus on him developing grit - for instance, he's a really nervous swimmer/quite bad compared to the kids in his class but he's persevering and that's what I praise him for - showing backbone in difficult circumstances, rather that just knocking through books he finds easier than anyone else.

Just a different perspective!