Do I need to do anything?

[SlightlyAshamed1]

Ds asked for extra maths, school were not supportive, we ended up getting a maths tutor (who is completely amazing) as a treat. Yesterday with the tutor he did a test at level 7, which I understand to be @ 12/13 year olds. He didn't know what some of the sums were, and he found it a stretch, but he did very well. He is eight.

The reason the tutor did this test is because during the summer holiday, between year three and year four, ds was doing the mental maths tests designed for year six, getting 100% and finding it easy. We don't cover stuff that they haven't done in schools and I am against pushing him too much.

This may be good, he may grow out of it, he may just have a knack. The school do push their pupils, so he isn't allowed to coast. Okay, he does coast, but he's encouraged and it's not too bad.

Do I need to do anything? I don't want to let him down, but I don't want him to feel the odd one out. I just want to do the right thing by him, which may be to leave well alone, just keep on with the maths tutor. Am I just being a bit precious?

Any advice gratefully received.

oldestmumaintheworld thanks. I am not sure there is anything like that here, and even if there was, ds objects to travelling. If I had to, then I would have to but it is a last resort. At the moment he loves his school and there are a lot of bright kids that are keeping a good pace, but I don't know how they are or how their parents see it.

As for counselling, we had a literal car crash just before Christmas as well as all the other shit that has been thrown at us. I think there are a lot of confusing issues.

Poor kid, I just want to cuddle him better.

I'd ditto the scholarship/ bursary at secondary age for an academic selective if at all practical. Dds just started at one in y7. They don't set till half term, and they've been doing tests/ gauging ability in maths so far. According to dd l6 primary sat papers, moving onto the proper 5-7 and 6-8 papers for some of them. Kids finishing early/ finding it easy are being given old gcse textbooks to work from. Just until they're in sets and can start learning, but still being kept interested in the meantime. Out of lessons maths club has just started, and according to dd they will be doing great stuff there too. Down the road at our catchment comp her nervous on exam day but equally able friend is 'consolidating' and 'refreshing' l4 stuff. Once in sets she'll see work that's l5, depending if the teacher can be arsed.

Lurkedforever1 I'm grateful for you sharing, but I read it with a sinking feeling. The local secondary for our catchment is an academy that is science/maths focused. It is getting a good rep.

The nearest academic that I know of without searching is at least an hour each way on the bus. The only thing ds will voluntarily leave the house for that is more than five minutes away is his maths tutor. I honestly don't know if that will be a possibility. We cannot afford to pay. It would be reliant on bursaries.

I really appreciate the posts on this thread. DH and I are proud of him and we always thought he was bright, but the levels he is achieving with the tutor are a shock, and we never planned for it. We want to do what is best for ds.

Just to add - I sit in the same room during the lessons, but only have a quarter of an ear open as it's when I catch up on my reading. It is really play to him and the last test that indicated level seven and that prompted this thread is the first time he didn't find it easy. The tutor isn't blagging.

Is there some kind of agrophobia issue that is stopping him from leaving the house?

Most posters on here (MN_G&T) know you are not bragging! Why would you? You are asking for help and support, which is more or less why we are all here. We'll tell you what we know. Share our views. And we all hope that our Dc have good outcomes, but we all know that good outcomes are more likely in the quite able than in the extremely able.

Firstly I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time, and to have this on top is no fun, so I feel for you. Here, in no particular order are a few thoughts which might help.

I think a selective school is worth thinking about. He's 8, so may well be feeling more able to take the bus in a few years time, I wouldn't necessarily see that as an obstacle now.

We're going through the same questions about DD - also 8 - as we are starting to think about secondary, and one factor for us is that a selective secondary isn't just about the academics, it will also be socially better as there are likely to be other kids like her. Which will make the whole experience better.

The other thing to think about re the maths tutor is that it may also be giving him some positive adult input at his level. DD does piano and drama pull outs at school; she's not going to excel at either of those, but the one-to-one ness of it really makes school a better place for her.

Do read up about perfectionism (the Carol Dweck book is a good starter, but there is tons on the web) as it's a very common trap for gifted kids to fall into. DD wrote nothing in reception because there were no erasers (seriously). We praise effort not achievement a lot, and make her do extra-curriculars like piano that require practice, but it's still very much a work in progress. I also talk directly to her about the subject: she knows that getting 100% in a test isn't a good thing, it means the work is too easy, and that mistakes are an important part of the learning process. There's a great book called Mistakes that Worked which reinforces this in an interesting way.

We did move DD too, but to a non-selective prep school. She gets some differentiated work, but also does a lot of clubs and outdoor stuff so it doesn't get boring. And they see her as an interesting challenge, not a problem. Sometimes smaller schools can be more flexible in their outlook.

If your local secondary is good then no need to worry about independents or selectives. Dds non outstanding, previously undersubscribed, below average achieving, high Sen etc state primary did a great job too. Of their own free will they let her do most of ks3 in terms of curriculum, and lots more besides. I'm confident that at two local secondaries (that she'd never get a place at due to religion and tiny catchment) she'd have been catered for too. I don't think for a minute only selectives can teach able kids. It's just if yours won't, like dds catchment state secondary won't, it's worth bearing in mind.
Not to mention both he, and local schools will change by then too, so no point in worrying about possibilities yet.
Also, whilst we on this thread may believe you, it is worth being prepared for the fact some teachers and schools won't believe you. And if they are determined not to believe you, then no proof will convince them otherwise. The one bad teacher dd had at primary was insistent dd was fluking written stuff, even though it was obvious she wasn't, and even with mental maths tried arguing dd was making lucky guesses or I'd somehow taught her answers by rote to random questions. The ones that do accept kids can be highly able, will usually both notice and cater to it without you needing to point it out or provide proof/ ask etc. Unfortunately either they do it or they don't, but either way there's nothing you can do to make them.

Thanks for the posts.

I really appreciate the support. I know that there are always ways around stuff, and a lot of the time it is just a matter of being methodical and taking things logically.

I'll be having a good long think about the suggestions here. Now that some of the pressure of the last few years is off I can take some time and perhaps make some plans. ds has just started year four so I have three more years before secondary and that allows me to work on stuff like where he could go and what he could do.

My immediate concern is getting some counselling, keeping the maths tutor and allowing space for him to pursue his interests at home. My end goal is clear - I want him to be happy and I want him to be fulfilled.

I really appreciate this help.