Development

[jellybeans001]

Hi just wondering if my daughter is above average and how many of your children were doing it at this age. She's my second child and she's going to be two this month. Basically she can count 1 to 10 and recognise them all, she knows her abcs and knows some phonics as well. She has known this for a while. She knows her colours as well but doesn't recognise them yet. Is she above average?

Reallytired, you said "... a friend ...was given the "gifted" label at the age of 3. .... the boy become lazy and did not work at things that didn't come easily."

I think this is exactly why it is so important to figure out early whether child is above average or not-to give them extension so they are not used to take their achivements for granted. Otherwise how bright children learn to put an effort into what they are doing? I am a strong believer that those with extra abilities should do work suitable to their abilities and not working on the same level as the rest otherwise it gets too easy for them.

I agree Worried - it's not the label that makes the child lazy - it's the fact that the work is too easy. A lot of people seem to think that a bright child will seek difficulty and challenge - but like children of all abilities - many will take the easiest path which becomes a life-long strategy.

I believe that the label "gifted" or "clever" can make a child lazy and less confident to take on a difficult challenge.

There is research to back up this opinon.

Certainly more able children need challenge, but its important they are praised for hardwork rather than their intelligence.

I agree with you there - and I'm very surprised that anyone would actually tell a 3 year-old they are gifted. However, children soon realise that tasks are easier for them than their peers - you can't hide that. You can't praise them for working harder if they are never required to really work hard at anything because they can get by doing the same as the next kid IYSWIM. If they are praised for working hard - then they really should be working hard.

This is why I so love music as a stretcher (can't recommend it enough) because it does require work - whatever your talent level is.

"I agree with you there - and I'm very surprised that anyone would actually tell a 3 year-old they are gifted."

No one tells their three year old that they are gifted. However lots of parents might praise their children and say "Wow! aren't you clever" for doing x, y or z. Infact a lot of very average children get told by family that they are clever for achieving something quite simple non challenging. It is better to praise a child for working hard than necessarily getting the right result. All our children need to develop persistance to achieve their full potential.

All of us want our children to achieve their full potential whether our child is gifted or has special needs. The way that we use praise can impact on the way that child sees themselves and the world.

Can't disagree with you there

Acinonyx, agreed with every word!

ReallyTired, I do not get what message you are trying to get across? Not to praise children? Not to say clever children they are clever? Not to say any children they are clever? A bit confused now....

I told my daughter she is clever (though she cannot care less right now), but I also told her that clever children should work harder because of their cleverness :). And as Acinonyx said, children can figure out if they are not ordinary, they compare reading levels at school for instance, they hear what adults say, etc. When my dd asked why she had separate task at school-what I had to tell her? Just told her the truth...

Worriedandlost there is life beyond the Oxford Reading Tree and school. We all eventually experience failure in life.

Failure is part of the learning process and even gifted people like Einstein experienced and overcame failure. It is vital that a child develops a healthy attitude towards failure if they are going to reach their full potential in life.

This article explains it better.

www.yuschoolpartnership.org/student-support/social-emotional/74-materials/1273-carol-dweck-on-helping-students-deal-with-setbacks-and-failure

If a child is praised for sucess then when they eventually experience failure they find it difficult. If a child is praised for hard work and tenacity then they will stick at a hard problem.

I have a friend who was gifted at school and she now doing cancer research. She has not yet found a cure for pancretatic cancer, but she does not view this as failure. There is a difference between a "can't" mentality and a "not yet" mentality.

ReallyTired,honestly, I am loosing track with your logic. Who is against failure? Who said there should not be a failure? The point was-gifted child has to be stretched according to his ability. If this does not happen he does not fail as everything will be too easy for him. I am perfectly aware of what clever books say about gifted children, and researches, and so on but I try to discuss real issues and how to overcome them.

''If a child is praised for success then when they eventually experience failure they find it difficult.'' This is quite true - the answer is not to not praise them so much as to make sure that success is no easier for them than it is for other kids - so they are as challenged as all kids should be.

If you just swap 'you're so clever' for 'you worked so hard' without actually changing the task itself you are in serious danger of interfering with the child's understanding of how the world works - you can't praise for hard work if it actually didn't take any/much effort - what message does that send?

Praising for hard work is absolutely the right thing to do - but only if it really is hard work. A lot of very bright kids never get out of second gear - they just don't have to. And telling them that this level of effort is 'working hard' is absolutely no help.

"Praising for hard work is absolutely the right thing to do - but only if it really is hard work. A lot of very bright kids never get out of second gear - they just don't have to. And telling them that this level of effort is 'working hard' is absolutely no help."

I completely agree with you. There is no point in praising anyone for working hard if they have not worked hard. Children need tasks that match their ablity or at least opened tasks. A good teacher can differentiate for any child.

There is no benefit for praising a child simply because they are top of the class academically. Children need to push their own personal limits if they are to grow.

I agree it is about a 'personal best'. My one quibble would be that there is not point actively avoiding any mention of the fact that the child is, by objective standards, successful relative to their peers. It becomes the elephant in the room. Out there in the world, this will be obvious.

'A good teacher can differentiate for any child.' Not too sure about this one either and I think it's a serious failing for most children. It is genuinely very tough to do this when you have 30 students in a class. There is not enough challenge enough of the time for it to become a normal experience.

PS It's not always easy to know how much effort something has taken. If a child produces very good work - it can be hard to know if that's their best work or not.