Unable to tell anyone about your DC?

[HattyJack]

I'm just wondering how you all cope with other people's reactions to your DC?

DD is gifted I think, although not to the extent of some of the DC mentioned here. All the usual things - talking early, walking early, asking questions to get more and more detail, never forgetting anything, able to use information thus gleaned to combine with other information previously obtained to ask more detailed questions, reading early and now reading for information - she's basically turned herself into the data-processing version of the Very Hungry Caterpillar, and every day is Saturday. I'm sure you're all familiar with the routine!

The thing is I feel I have to sort of hide it from everyone else, because their kids aren't like DD in that they tend not to know more than their parents in their many fields of interest, and they tend not to just sort of accidentally let you know that they've taught themselves to read, for example. Even my parents seem to not really get DD, and talk to her as though she were perhaps younger than her chronological age, whereas we talk to her at a level appropriate for her mental age, so she doesn't 'get' it when they talk to her. They will ask her the sort of questions you might ask a little kid to get them to talk like 'What colour is x?' and she will look totally flummoxed. I'm not sure if she's trying to work out if it's a trick question, or why they need to ask her something they must know, but it develops into a downward spiral because when she doesn't answer, or asks one of us to tell them, my parents then assume she doesn't know, so ask her an 'easier' question. I guess it doesn't help they don't see her as often as I'd like and she tends not to let on how much she knows unless she's totally relaxed. I've told them the things she says and does and the questions she asks, but it's like it doesn't sink in.

Obviously a lot of my friends have children too, but I don't tell them either because I don't want them to think I am being boastful. I've put videos on facebook of her running about the park that have had lots of likes, but when I put a video of her reading her first reading book that pre-school gave her it got almost completely ignored. I don't want to project too much, but it's as though people can relate to a pre-school kid running about and climbing on stuff, but when they see the same kid reading fluently they get uneasy.

I guess I am just upset (with myself or society or both, I'm not sure) that when she does things that make me burst with pride I feel I can't tell anyone. And I can't even tell you lot of strangers because with her specific areas of interest it'd possibly maker her identifiable. It makes me more sad that she seems to have picked up on it a bit, and since she started pre-school seems a lot more wary of expressing herself unless it's with one of us.

Anyway, that was a lot longer than I anticipated. Thanks for reading, those of you who still are :)

Every normal parent thinks their child is amazing. You might think that about your DD because she is gifted: parents of non-gifted children think it for other reasons. Everyone loves their child and feels immensely proud of them.

The real reason it doesn't do to boast is because no one is as interested in your child as you are, and talking about how talented your child is is incredibly dull for other people, whether the reason for the amazingness is intelligence, brilliant musical talent, the ability to recite any poem, or whatever.

Disclaimer: I also have a "gifted" child, been on the G&T register since year R and just finished year 4 with level 5s across the board (which would be a good result at end of year 6 for most). I don't tend to big her achievements up to my friends because as she's got older and they see her, it's obvious to them how bright she is. Everyone just comments on it without any need for prompting. So I say let your DD just be who she is, and others will notice.

Actually, Thesecondcoming, if your DD fancies a play date I have a selectively mute histrionic perfectionist five year old too! They could ignore each other for an hour then throw a fit about something or other.
Appealing or what.

I think mendi's response is spot on.

You should print out this thread and reread it when your PFB is 18. You are going to cringe.

You are correct that noone is interested. It's is not because people don't care about your DD it is just that they don't care about how clever your DD is.

it is aa relief to be able to talk about your child though and moan that their reading book is way too easy... dd used to read and follow the parent instructions at the back of the book.

it is good to get advice about how to approach the teachers and whether something is important or not.

dd is quite bright (maybe a little british understatement) however, I also suspect dyspraxia... which, combined with over excitabilities, make her look as daft as a brush at times... she has also developed the ability to hide her capabilities.