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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Were YOU gifted and talented? What's your experience.

122 replies

morningpaper · 20/05/2006 21:02

Just interested really, bunch of bespectacled girlie swots that we are on Mumsnet. Were you "G&T" before it was cool?

OP posts:
skibump · 08/01/2007 13:41

Dinosaur & Hatty, snap (except it was Cambridge for me) So does this mean if you scoff at your kids' ambitions they'll be motivated to overachieve??? Don't see it making it into the parenting manuals anytime soon

exbury · 12/01/2007 13:58

Hatwoman et al - me too! My headmistress told me that if I didn't drop one of 4 A Levels I would "have a nervous breakdown, fail them all, and certainly not get into Oxford". Determination to prove her wrong made me work WAY harder than I would have done otherwise - that and parents whose standard reaction to getting 95% in an exam was "what happened to the other 5%?" - still, my brothers both have better Oxford degrees than I do (and one has a Stanford MBA as well) so maybe I am the family failure...

On the OP - there were "gifted children" activities, etc around, but my mother so hated the pushy parents that on the odd occasion she took one of us she would tell us very firmly that we were only there because they were doing something fun, not because we were "gifted"!

teachersmummy · 23/01/2007 15:36

was doing v v well at primary school then bl*dy Shirley Williams felt that the country should go comprehensive and stopped the 11+ and grammar schools in our area the year before I was due to sit, so went to a real crp comp full of bullies hated school until final year when lots of the kids could leave still education turned out ok in end

toadstool · 02/02/2007 15:10

Yep. In France when I was 7, my school proposed I should jump a year and then go into a kind of fast-track stream that would lead to the 'Grandes Ecoles'. My poor mum, who was busy getting divorced, went and heaved us all back to the UK, where I went to a state primary that told me to UNLEARN what I had learned (aah, that 1970s idea of equality) and RELEARN to use a pen, write in neat, etc. a year later. Most confusing. I had a bit of one-to-one tuition at secondary school (Latin instead of French) ,but apart from that it was a matter of a lot of praise and encouragement. Result? I went on to Oxbridge, got a PhD and I'm now an academic, so I THINK I can argue it made absolutely no difference.

majorstress · 05/02/2007 13:04

I was labelled "GAT" as they called it in the US at about 14 and given a few extra classes, in various fun topics, a total of about 5 extra classes in my whole school career. They were very random and just petered out in short order when interested teachers left at the end of the year. Prior to this and even during, I really felt that they didn't know what to do with me. I was very very bored from day one, didn't mix, resulting in criticism rather than help, introverted as no one could understand what I was talking about or interested in, and later suffered from depression. I did great academically, but am still really struggling to be happy.

I think that it was better than nothing but only just. And I have to admit, it was in the 70s in a rural state. We weren't allowed under any circumstances to skip grades, ever ever. I managed to finish a year early anyway, but would have benefitted from going at my own pace earlier before I got switched off.

Bucketsofdynomite · 06/02/2007 22:19

I was always above average but am a natural born idler. It was a great excuse to slack on things I wasn't interested in because I'd still get a decent grade. Discovered boys at sixth form college and lost interest in academia, scraped a 2:2 at uni despite spending 3yrs in the union bars.
DH was put forward a year in junior school and then had to repeat the 4th yr (6) while all his friends moved up to secondary school. Testament to his nature that he didn't go off the rails then, I would have done!

wulfricsmummy · 21/03/2007 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nikkie · 21/03/2007 21:42

I was well ahead in primary school, read all infant books in Reception (cue constant testing on how did you read it that fast!) Maths -finished all the maths text books by end of 2nd year(4) and sat around for 2 years waiting for someone to catch up so it was worth the school buying the next levels
At secondary didn't do any work if I didn't have to and got A/A* in everything (including French which we ate sweets all the way through ).
Spent more time having sex than working for my A-levels but still got Cs and never went to University
Now, sort of do OU but only bare minimum and have done quite well so far.Think I lost a lot of memory having kids though!

chirpygirl · 21/03/2007 21:50

I was put up a year in primary school, always given extra work as I got bored so easily, passed exams into private school with 100% at 11 and got a scholarship, got bullied as I was the poor kid who was cleverer than every one else, and it was shoved in the other kids faces by my arsehole teachers.
Got thrown out of that school for fighting, went to local comp, got bullied again for getting top marks in everything and showing them up.
Stopped doing much work and started smoking dope, still got A*'s at GCSE.
Took 4 A levels, went to Uni to do dual degree, was diagnosed with depression, only scraped a third and decided bollocks to education!

Have worked as a tax specialist for the civil service but am now a stay at home mum.

G+T labelling buggered up my childhood, I had no friends and find it very hard to make good friends now, sorry, not very positive, but there you go!

Dottydot · 21/03/2007 21:54

I was G&T - started school with a reading age of 11 and was assigned to take some of the others for reading and became a mini teacher! Ended up sitting in the last year of primary school for years, given separate work to do. Was talented musically, learnt lots of insturments, went to posh secondary school, then music college - and then it all started going horribly wrong! Dropped out of music college, spent a couple of years working in Athena and fell into working in the NHS. Have done OK career-wise, but am not the brilliant soloist or academic genius my parents wanted me to be...

grannycracksopenabottleofwine · 21/03/2007 22:32

yes - art. my headmistress begged my parents to arrange private lessons. i used to draw pictures for the other children in my class too.
perhaps i'll be a famous artist when i'm dead. fecking great.

swedishmum · 21/03/2007 23:14

I did my 11 plus at 9, and as an only child of an older vicar and his religious social worker wife never fitted in. Oh, did grade 8 violin at 12. Any surprise I wasn't popular? I've never been socially comfortable, and never achieved my "potential". It has certainly made me more aware of how important it is for my children to be happy. Never touch the violin now btw.

swedishmum · 21/03/2007 23:17

Obviously have no short term moemory as I've posted the same thing twice. So much for positive beginnings...

Housemum · 21/03/2007 23:30

Not that it was mentioned much back in the dim & distant 70s but I think much like some others on here I was at primary, not at secondary. Infant school put me up a class, but then junior school obviously wouldn't take me a year too young so I repeated the last year of infant school, pretty much. Top of class every year at Junior/middle school (we transferred at 13). Missed out on 11+ as last ones in our area were when I was 9, grammar school then just a girls-only comp, sort of lost the way a bit in last year juniors as it was changing from junior to middle, so we were called "4th year" for 3 years as they waited for us to be old enough to leave (and the teachers worked out what to teach 11 & 12 year olds). I was the kind of dorky kid that would watch the schools programmes on BBC2 if I had a day off school. Actually asked my mum to buy me a couple of maths textbooks. Fascinated by Think of a Number and any "intelligent" programmes. (Nerd) Did some IQ tests at school - results never given to me at the time, a few hushed whisperings. Tried the IQ test when left school just cos I wanted to know - 154 so technically bright. Didn't enjoy secondary school at all - all my friends went to the co-ed now there wasn't a grammar. Mum wouldn't entertain the idea of uni ("you'll get into drugs and all sorts" - sounds like its USP to me) Drifted along, got smattering of OK grades O levels, 4 OK grade A levels. Worked in a bank, had couple of kids, got into the right place to be made redundant and now love my life as a SAHM! Oh, and I also post on the mogelling thread occasionally so obviously my brain cells have withered (sarky comment relating to a thread earlier in the year!)

UnquietDad · 22/03/2007 00:16

I was top in a lot of things from primary school right through to Sixth Form - largely through being interested, working hard and having a good memory. No idea if this equates to G'n'T.

If your child is G'n'T is there a point at which they announce it? Is it assessed at KS1 or do they wait? Do they always tell you?

keeplaughing · 22/03/2007 00:19

No, darn, except at sex

grannycracksopenabottleofwine · 22/03/2007 12:29

unquiet dad - my ds is classed as gandt. it was suggested that at 6/7 years he should go for a scholarship to a prep school. we didn't try it as he was happy and doing well at the state primary. every year we were told how well he was doing and he attended the higher class for maths. eventually we did enter him for a scholarship at 11, and he now goes to a school with a v good reputation which he loves. so, to sum up we were not actually told he was classed as gandt 'til the last sats when we were asked if we wanted him to be in some gifted group because his results are in the top 1%. he isn't in it btw because we don't think it's necessary and he's not bothered

saffy202 · 22/03/2007 13:29

I probably would have been in primary and then, like so many others I discovered boys and spend the rest of my time giving very little effort and day dreaming my school days away

Managed to scrape a couple of A'levels but I know I could have done a lot better. I was reading my school reports the other day and in those days they didn't hold back and for effort it was mainly Ds

MrsGumby · 22/03/2007 13:36

3-year-old DS has been given the GandT label at Nursery. Can read fluently, write sentences and does sums. However, a few behavioural/socialisation issues are pointing to him perhaps being on the autistic spectrum so I think we're in for an interesting ride through the education system...

littleEasterlapin · 22/03/2007 13:37

It has just occurred to me, when people said "Mine's a G&T" as a Mumsnet slogan, did they not mean Gin and Tonic!!! D'oh...

Am clearly neither G or T...

nikkie · 22/03/2007 19:09

UNquiet dad-tend to be early on but can be anytime AFAIK , dd1 was at 6 but her school has only just started 'labelling' as she has been on extension work right through.

gingerwench · 23/03/2007 11:18

I'm not yet a mum but have a SIL who is banging on about her (admittedly v bright) child who is G&T. I've got mixed views about my own experiences although I don't think the label existed then in the same way.

Read fluently (reading age 11) and could do sums (junior level 3) at the first nursery class. Put up a year because teachers couldn't cope with the discrepancy in ability. Was happy enough at primary school (but recently re-read my school reports and was a bit shocked about the comments re my immaturity, and emotional difficulties - had I blocked them out in my memory?). Took 11+ at just 10 and went to grammar. Bullying was unrelenting until I got to sixth form when I was only marginally accepted because by then I'd stopped working. I cannot think about that school without crying even now. Was close to suicide a couple of times and v depressed for so long (not diagnosed until mid-twenties). Had no friends and hated being "different". I gave up working at school aged 12/13 - once you've come top of your year in every subject (ok second in music and RE) - where's the challenge? what's the point in trying hard if you are still going to get an A anyway? and anyway I was SO BORED by the lack of pace in the lessons... didn't work for Alevels (AABC) and did feel I'd let the side down by not getting straight As. Failed oxbridge interview due to lack of understanding what they were looking for (stage fright and first real experience of failure). Went to a good uni though and proceeded to drink, sleep around and act dumb in order to be more popular. Got a 2.1 without any effort. Felt bad for not getting a first. Fell apart in my early twenties. Only now, in my thirties do I feel emotionally resilient and together. I still struggle to make friends although I have strategies for appearing confident and sociable (nobody thinks I'm shy and my social awkwardness is not as extreme as it was). My few close friends tolerate my idiosyncracies and several of them are somewhat "different". I am successful in my career, have an MBA and am learning to not be embarrassed about being bright. When my IQ was last tested it was 159 so I'm no genius, but reasonably bright, I would say.

On the one hand it is important that children are stretched, whatever their ability, so that they can fulfil their potential and identifying the brightest and most able is one part of that. Otherwise it leads to boredom and dropping out. But being 2 years younger than your class mates (and physically slow to develop and with a mother who insisted I wear vests and knee high white socks until I was 14!!) is horrid. The loneliness, bullying and unrelenting nastiness of those years still haunts me.

Going back to my SIL - yes her child is bright - hardly a surprise because she and her husband are too. But I think her child would be happier in the long run if she accepted it, didn't fuss so much about it, and just concentrated on ensuring the child develops at their own pace, without the horrendous expectations and self-awareness of being so "special". That said, I know all parents do their best. My parents did what they thought best I accept that and no longer feel so bitter and resentful. The other posts from people on here are reassuring that I was not the only one to go through all this but it makes me sad too.

gingerwench · 23/03/2007 11:22

I'm not yet a mum but have a SIL who is banging on about her (admittedly v bright) child who is G&T. I've got mixed views about my own experiences although I don't think the label existed then in the same way.

Read fluently (reading age 11) and could do sums (junior level 3) at the first nursery class. Put up a year because teachers couldn't cope with the discrepancy in ability. Was happy enough at primary school (but recently re-read my school reports and was a bit shocked about the comments re my immaturity, and emotional difficulties - had I blocked them out in my memory?). Took 11+ at just 10 and went to grammar. Bullying was unrelenting until I got to sixth form when I was only marginally accepted because by then I'd stopped working. I cannot think about that school without crying even now. Was close to suicide a couple of times and v depressed for so long (not diagnosed until mid-twenties). Had no friends and hated being "different". I gave up working at school aged 12/13 - once you've come top of your year in every subject (ok second in music and RE) - where's the challenge? what's the point in trying hard if you are still going to get an A anyway? and anyway I was SO BORED by the lack of pace in the lessons... didn't work for Alevels (AABC) and did feel I'd let the side down by not getting straight As. Failed oxbridge interview due to lack of understanding what they were looking for (stage fright and first real experience of failure). Went to a good uni though and proceeded to drink, sleep around and act dumb in order to be more popular. Got a 2.1 without any effort. Felt bad for not getting a first. Fell apart in my early twenties. Only now, in my thirties do I feel emotionally resilient and together. I still struggle to make friends although I have strategies for appearing confident and sociable (nobody thinks I'm shy and my social awkwardness is not as extreme as it was). My few close friends tolerate my idiosyncracies and several of them are somewhat "different". I am successful in my career, have an MBA and am learning to not be embarrassed about being bright. When my IQ was last tested it was 159 so I'm no genius, but reasonably bright, I would say.

On the one hand it is important that children are stretched, whatever their ability, so that they can fulfil their potential and identifying the brightest and most able is one part of that. Otherwise it leads to boredom and dropping out. But being 2 years younger than your class mates (and physically slow to develop and with a mother who insisted I wear vests and knee high white socks until I was 14!!) is horrid. The loneliness, bullying and unrelenting nastiness of those years still haunts me.

Going back to my SIL - yes her child is bright - hardly a surprise because she and her husband are too. But I think her child would be happier in the long run if she accepted it, didn't fuss so much about it, and just concentrated on ensuring the child develops at their own pace, without the horrendous expectations and self-awareness of being so "special". That said, I know all parents do their best. My parents did what they thought best I accept that and no longer feel so bitter and resentful. The other posts from people on here are reassuring that I was not the only one to go through all this but it makes me sad too.

flamey · 23/03/2007 11:24

Sort of... I was at grammar school so it was sort of hidden under loads of others, and I didn't realise I was anything special - then got to college, realised I was, but depression was already starting to get a grip by then - couldn't be arsed with the extra work for oxbridge stuff.

Housemum · 24/03/2007 00:12

Ginger - I really feel for you, it sounds like the path I could have been on myself if they had put me up a year like you. So glad I wasn't, and glad for you that you do have some close friends now.

The problem with G&T is that, whilst I agree that bright children should be stretched to stop them being bored, there isn't a structure to do this without setting them apart. G&T are pushed to achieve higher levels. Perhaps what they need is breadth rather than depth. I wa v lucky to have some very creative teachers at my Junior school. There was a group of 5 or 6 of us who rattled off the work in no time, but we were set little projects and challenges to keep our minds busy and stop the boredom - the joy of not having a National Curriculum in those days.