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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

Would you send your gifted child to private school but not the others?

76 replies

bogeyface · 20/07/2012 16:41

DD2 is gifted.

DS1, DD1 are 21 and 14, DS has SEN, DD1 is average (infact above average in ability but her lack of confidence holds her back in achievement) DD3 (7) is over a year ahead of her class in most things and has a reading and writing age of 11, DS2 (6) is above average in ability but not outstandingly so, his mucking about lets him down, he is very Just William! and DD4, we dont know yet as she is only weeny!

So......ex and I are considering putting DD2 in for scholarships at our local prep, which is also nationally renowned (no pressure then :o) as we feel that a private education would help her make the best of her gifts. But, we would only just be able to do this if she got a scholarship and bursary, there is no way the others would be able to go. If DD3 showed the same level of ability and also got a scholarship and bursary then we would have 3 years of paying, admittedly reduced, fees and I am not sure if that would be doable. Although I would be back at work full time by then which would make a big difference.

So would you send one in the knowledge that you could do it and play by ear for the other child? Or not send one if you cant be sure you could afford to send both? I am erring towards the latter as I feel that truly gifted children will achieve anywhere if they have the mindset......but then I wonder if I am selling DD2 short by not applying?

Arrgghh!!!

WWYD?

OP posts:

Original poster

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 16:27

Derek

You say he is chatty, could you explain a bit more about what you mean? The DD I am considering sending to private school is incredibly chatty, to the point where she will talk and talk and talk and cant stop all the stuff in her brain tumbling out of her mouth! She simply cant help herself!

OP posts:

slacklucy · 22/07/2012 16:28

Mine will go to whatever school best meets their needs.
If you really feel the private school is where she is most likely to reach her potential then go for it.
Its not about the £ especially if going on a scholarship.

I would guess if your next child says he/she wants to be a hairdresser or bricklayer you'll be looking at the school with the best vocational links... horses for courses!

derekthehamster · 22/07/2012 16:32

He doesn't always focus on the task in hand and is easily distracted . I'm not sure that he'll reach his full potential if this isn't nipped in the bud, but there is more chance of this happening at the school he's at, than the local comp.

Original poster

bogeyface · 22/07/2012 16:38

I wouldnt say that she is easily distracted, the opposite if anything. But her teacher said that she sometimes seems very isolated and spends her playtimes talking at with the adult supervisors because she can go over the the head of her peers :( That really bothers me and I think that i am as concerned about the social aspects of her abilities as much as the academic. I know that she will do well academically in a state school too, but I do feel that perhaps she is more likely to make friends who understand and challenge her at a more academically selective school. She does tend to get things her own way alot as she bamboozles her peers, and that isnt good for her. She needs a challenge in her personal life too!

OP posts:

SofiaAmes · 22/07/2012 16:39

bogeyface, my dd (who is starting at private school in the fall) is like that - she never stops talking or wriggling. In public school they just tried to shut her up and keep her still for the most part. I am hoping that in her new school they will channel that energy and enthusiasm into something productive (or at least that's what they are promising to do with her).

SofiaAmes · 22/07/2012 16:41

Also, when I researched schools for ds, I looked at every public, private and charter (public, but not standard fare) school in my area. It just happened to be the private school that was able to meet ds' needs (genius with learning differences and chronic illnesses that kept him off school a lot - although now in private school, he attends even when he is sick because they can accommodate him).

GoodButNotOutstanding · 22/07/2012 16:57

If you think she would be around others of a similar ability in the private school then that's probably the better place for her. The issue for me would be being able to do the same for any younger siblings that would be equally in need of the mental challenge.

My dd1 is classed as gifted (I'm not sure I would necessarily agree with this classification other than in Maths and Science) and regularly goes over the head of her peers. She didn't really have many friends at primary, but has gone to our local (very good) comp and made quite a few good friends. I was a bit surprised when I realised her friends aren't all clever, they are quite mixed in their ability and she seems to be benefiting from mixing with a wide variety of people.

I think we might have gone for a grammar school if we could have made it work with trains, etc. but our finances wouldn't stretch to the train fares, uniform, trips, etc that go along with the sort of Grammar we have 'near' us (30 miles away and an hour on the train). The private school near us (at the end of our street) would have been very convenient but aren't very academically selective so the comp is actually better for her anyway (not that we could afford private even with a scholarship and bursary).

difficultpickle · 22/07/2012 18:31

Ds is very very chatty and easily distracted. His current school hated that and much preferred the ones who sat there quietly. I don't think he was sufficiently interested or engaged. He is moving schools to take up his scholarship but if he hadn't got the scholarship he would have been moving anyway. Both schools are private.

I would be completely candid with the school you are interested in about your dd's character. I have been with ds's new school. They think his character will help him succeed whereas his current school considered it to be a major hindrance.

iknowwho · 22/07/2012 18:33

No I wouldn't and didn't.

pianomama · 23/07/2012 11:48

I did - my general rule is to do the best you can for each child under the current circumstances.

Unfortunately quite often much younger siblings have more choices available to them then their older ones did at their age. But such is life..

I dont believe in holding children back for the sake of false "fairness" . My lot went to a mixture of schools - 2 on scholarships private, 3 to carefully selected state . I cant see that it has been damaging/unfair to any of them.

amck5700 · 23/07/2012 12:13

I said i wouldn't do it, but then my circumstances are that I have too equally bright kids who are interested in the same kind of things and are only a year apart so in my view it wouldn't be fair to give one an opportunity that could be perceived as favouring one over the other. That is obviously not everyone elses circumstance.

morethanpotatoprints · 21/08/2012 20:20

My simple answer is :

If I could justify my reasons
If the others had had the same opportunities but not taken them up.

I would be inclined to try the dc for Grammar School 11+ or other selective. If the dc gets there on own merit well fair enough.
I have the same issue in few years when dd will audition for music schools. If successful on her own merit then of course she will go, perhaps applying for scholarship so not paying more than I did for other dcs (left education now)

bronze · 21/08/2012 20:29

I have done

Suffolkgirl1 · 14/09/2012 18:46

I think it depends on the schools. In my area the very bright go to the grammar schools and the Indies specialise in the children who would benefit from the smaller class sizes to get them a decent batch of GCSE's and hopefully make the grade for the excellent sixth form college to do A levels.

So I would say - no I wouldn't send my academic DC's to a private school but I would consider sending an average/ struggling DC.

AnxiousElephant · 22/09/2012 00:11

In the case of your dd then no, unless all children can go then no. 1 year is not enough ahead to warrant special attention. I would put them into the same school. Very different if several years ahead. We are looking at private school for both, but would not do one without the other.

AnxiousElephant · 22/09/2012 00:13

Also depends who is paying - if she gets a scholarship/ bursary for being bright then fair enough. If you are paying then no.

NellyJob · 22/09/2012 00:17

FWIW my parents sent me to a private school and not my bro and he hated me for it. Still does. We haven't spoken for ten years.

AnxiousElephant · 22/09/2012 00:23

For me, treating siblings fairly is paramount and I would not consider doing for one which I couldn't do for the other

weegiemum · 22/09/2012 00:28

I'm in Scotland so it's bait moot, there's not an official g&t scheme here (except the one that has me reaching for the Gordons about 4pm on a Friday!!)

Our kids are all bright, not exceptionally so, but well above average.

We've chosen from nursery to send them to bilingual education so they all speak both English and Gaelic fluently. Dd1 is now in first year at high school, also a Gaelic school.

There is nothing like this available privately near us, if at all. They gain far more from bilingualism, a great emphasis on the arts, especially music, and a school small enough to appreciate their individual gifts (teacher already pushing our 12 year old in Art where she has a very clear gift, and our 10yo ds in everything, especially maths.

I'm a teacher, and knowing the children well and great pastoral care trumps everything ime/o.

Also I'm too bloody left wing to pay for education!!

Mimisrevenge · 27/07/2013 18:40

We have the same dilemma. Dd1 is gifted and ds we don't know yet- although dd1 was already showing signs at 9 months, which is what he is now. Dd1 goes to the pre-prep dept of a prep school which becomes selective at 7. We have to choose in sept whether to keep her on there or not. Fees are £1000 per month. For that money we can buy other enrichment opportunities for her, but that eats into family time. Our catchment primary is shockingly bad.

I agree that you should get a school tailored to your childs needs, but I think I'd feel really guilty that I didn't try to help the other child in the same way.

Fwiw all our family (slightly nosy in laws and mum/ dad). Are dead against her staying on.

lougle · 27/07/2013 18:55

It's really difficult. I would have said no until a few years ago. I was gifted as a child and my Mum and Dad were going to put me in for a scholarship and then changed their minds. I thought it was the right choice when they told me about it later.

However, DD1 has SN and I wouldn't dream of not allowing her to go to her special school and making her go to a mainstream school. DD2 is quirky and doing ok at MS. DD3...she'll start in September, but I think she could be quite gifted herself.

Interesting...

Mimisrevenge · 27/07/2013 20:32

Thanks lougle for that perspective, hadn't thought of that.

They don't do scholarships until 7 so I'd have to pay in for 2 years and then hope she'd get the scholarship. I don't think it would've been an issue but its quite an elitist school and I don't want to pretend to be something we are not. That said, she laps it up, music, ballet, French lessons. I have to say that even within this setting she complains of boredom and finds it difficult to relate to some of her peers.

I don't want her resenting us later if she knew that we could have given her more opportunities. But then perhaps we should be helping her to see that you make your own opportunities!

burberryqueen · 27/07/2013 20:34

no it might sow seeds of discord between the siblings for years to come

lljkk · 27/07/2013 20:42

....zombie....

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 06/08/2013 10:15

Yes Op, I did exactly that. Two elder DS's not academic, youngest gifted. Discussed it with primary school teachers who told me he would do well where ever he went to school. I asked him to sit scholarship exam " just to see how he got on". He did brilliantly and was awarded excellent scholarship. However, he hated the school when he got there. I ended up taking him out and putting him in the same school as his older brothers. He is now 14 and doing as brilliantly as ever. I wish I had listened to his teachers in primary school.

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