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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

Do gifted kids grow up to be gifted adults?

88 replies

Mollydoggerson · 07/02/2012 09:45

I wonder?

I see alot of references to gifted kids and I wonder what really makes a gifted kid. I thought kids had developmental spurts, so that they might learn alot and engage the brain alot and be developmentally ahead at certain times in the childhood, however over time their focus might change to something else and alot of them even out to be intelligent normal people and not necessariy remain in the gifted category all their life.

I wonder how many kids are classed as gifted when in fact they are of normal intelligience but are also studious and engaged. I think (in Ireland anyway), a whole business has built up around the labelling of 'gifted' children.

So my query is if a child is classed as gifted on average do they develop into gifted adults?

OP posts:

purits · 07/02/2012 20:16

Some gifted youngsters do become gifted adults. I always think it's a bit weird that Oxbridge is meant to be destination of the brightest and best (so it's a good thing when you are young) but then the Joe Public gets their knickers in a twist because 'the Oxbridge clique' (as adults) then run the country.

Portofino · 07/02/2012 20:17

Peppa, yes - she'll get 97% for maths but makes a mess, tells others what to do far too much, cheats doesn't like losing at games. I know where to concentrate my attention.....

Portofino · 07/02/2012 20:20

It's only a problem with the Oxbrige thing, if it is rich students that get in and clever children from poor families, who didn't benefit from private education don't get their share of places. I DO think the BEST people should have the top jobs. The question is how the BEST are educated and and what point they are selected in. Or Out.

Oubliette0292 · 07/02/2012 20:20

Hmmm, I can see what you mean purits, but I can tell you (from experience) that having Oxbridge on your CV does open doors for years after you've left. Which seems a bit unfair, as I've certainly met lots of equally bright people who happend to choose a different university.

(disclaimer: I don't have anything to do with running the country and don't have any interests in that direction at all).

PeppaIsBack · 07/02/2012 20:21

lol yep I have those too!

Oubliette0292 · 07/02/2012 20:23

Oh, and I should probably add that I come from a fairly poor background and went to state school (as did most of the people I met during my student days).

RubyrooUK · 07/02/2012 21:16

I was judged to be a 'gifted' child but I wouldn't say I'm a gifted adult. I'm not out there splitting the atom before tea or anything....

....I would say I'm still quite bright and very driven. But I am also a very hard worker - I cannot abide the thought of relaxing or leaving things undone. So I don't know how much is genuinely me being bright and how much is the result of trying very hard.

I have a good career but I am not an academic at the top of my field breaking boundaries; I'm just good at my particular creative job. I am very quick at what I do compared to others, which I think does come back to natural ability, but nobody would go around saying I was gifted in any way.

I wish I was gifted and lazy though. Damn it - missed my calling.

motherinferior · 07/02/2012 21:19

Going to Oxford doesn't mean you're gifted! Reasonably bright, possibly, but not gifted.

fuzzPigwickPapers · 07/02/2012 22:03

We should have our own club...

I agree :)

I find it is still quite an issue with me, particularly when it comes to bringing up my own DCs. I know that I do not want to be a pushy parent, but I still find myself panicking about them achieving (they are only little FGS). I just want them to be happy in all the ways that I am not.

Which basically means "happy with who they are".

whitsunday · 07/02/2012 22:13

I feel v strongly that the truly 'gifted' children/people are the ones who find interpersonal relationships easy and natural.

Not saying that high-IQ/intellectual giftedness and being socially ept are mutually exclusive but I struggled massively and still do to this day.

My DS2 seems naturally sociable, finds making and keeping friends easy and social interaction pleasurable yet his self-worth isn't tied up in the opinions of others. I worry about him far far less than I do his 'G+T' older sibling.

imaginethat · 07/02/2012 22:33

Interesting whitsunday.. my dd is "gifted" with a 4yr lead on her classmates but she has v high emotional intelligence, too. And I believe strongly that the eq will take her further than the iq. Self responsibility, self-motivation, confidence, social skills - these are the skills people need to get by in life.

Portofino · 07/02/2012 23:42

I DO believe that being able to empathise, get on with people, and dare I say it, strong negotiation/manipulation skills or "CHARM" as it is otherise known, will take you further than just being clever. I have seen it happen.

BeaMinor · 08/02/2012 00:13

Nope. I was G & T at school, top 1%.

High IQ, found everything easy. Was also rebellious and unmotivated except for things I enjoyed, like music.

Got a first class honours degree and a high result for my masters, despite little effort.

Got me nowhere though, I lack drive and ambition and have never really been able to narrow things down enough to find a career path.
I love learning but think I will always be a 'not reaching potential' type.

EyeOfNewtToeOfFrog · 08/02/2012 13:16

This is just so interesting :)

Completely agree with the five previous posters - eq rather than iq matters for a happy & successful life. (Plus all the things imaginethat mentions)

The question is - how do you promote these skills? How do you (try to ) ensure your DC become better rounded people than us....?

Answers on a postcard.....

BeckyBendyLegs · 08/02/2012 16:34

DH was 'gifted' at maths, sciences, English - didn't do a scrap of work at school yet has never had a B in his life, has five A levels including 'super maths' or something like that. Dossed his way through a law degree and got a 2.1. He's just clever, he's never really channeled it particularly in his career. He's done ok for himself (he works in IT).

I was regarded as 'gifted' in art, totally elevated as a brilliant artist, at primary school, allowed to have my own exhibition in the reception area. At the time I really believed I was going to be a female David Hockney and famous and everything. But I never did anything with my art beyond A level because my dad told me it would be hard to get a job in the art world and 'encouraged' me to do a degree in economics and politics instead, and it was the late 1980s and I wanted to go to work in a suit and earn lots of money. So in that way I didn't turn out to be a gifted adult. I paint for pleasure though but I really regret not pursing my strengths.

I tell my two older boys, both on this so-called G&T register, to keep doing what they love doing (maths for DS1, and 'stories' (literacy) - DS2 is only five) if that is what they love and that is what they are good at. I don't think it means a huge amount really, and who knows what they will grow into?

cory · 08/02/2012 18:19

I think self motivation is an equally important gift. Some children will stop working if they are not given exactly the right kind of encouragement by the adults around (as seen on this thread), others seem to be their own adults so to speak. Looking round at my university students it seems that what so many of them lack is not ability, or parental support, or the constant exposure to adults who moralise about hard work- they have plenty of all those; what is missing is a dream that is their own, the sense that there is something there worth making sacrifices for.

Portofino · 08/02/2012 19:25

Cory - you are right. You have to WANT x,y,z. You need to have a passion for something to be really successful, no matter how G&T you might be. It takes work, effort, sacrifice. I tell my dd (7) that it is important to get a good general education as this keeps more doors open. Yes, she wants to be a rock star - but I impress on her that this takes lots of effort and that you have to be REALLY good, better than everyone else who wants to be a rock star.

I wanted to be a travel agent! It is my true love - travel. I was discouraged strongly from going that way. Yet I know I would never have settled for selling package holidays in Thomas Cook. I have so many ideas and no time. My career could have been entirely different.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 08/02/2012 22:06

That's true, I was always told how good I was at art as well as academic subjects. How I could be an artist, teachers would jokingly ask for invites to future exhibitions I might have

I enjoy art but its JUST mindless relaxation for me, I have NO passion for it, I don't HAVE to creat like artists do. I got an A in GCSE art but dropped out of A level art and took another subject instead (half way through the course and still got a B).

Its as useful as a chocolate teapot to have a natural ability in something you have no real desire to persue. I never ever ever wanted to do art at university, but was expected to put in all the hours the A level required, just because I COULD do well in it

ReduceRecycleRegift · 08/02/2012 22:08

..was told what a "waste" it was that I dropped out of the A level..
no it wasn't, it would have been a waste for me to keep it up because I didn't want a hobby to become a chore

Hassled · 08/02/2012 22:11

This is really interesting - and I don't know what the answer is, or what the future holds for my scarily clever but socially inept DC3.

I was clever at school - found it all pretty easy. My degree was a shock, though - I did OK, but I suddenly found I wasn't nearly as clever as I'd thought. I was no good at the independent research; it turned out that I needed the spoon-feeding you get at school.

The difference between my DC3 and me though is that he loves learning just for learning's sake, and I never did. Maybe that's the key?

Portofino · 08/02/2012 22:33

Yes - it a big thing - going from a scenario where you learn, memorise and regurgitate knowledge given to you by someone else, to having to get out there and FIND the knowledge yourself. I was NOT prepared for that.

BabyGiraffes · 09/02/2012 09:16

Portofino, me too. I coasted my way through school and degrees only to fall flat on my face doing a PhD where actual original thought was required... . Then later on did another taught Masters and coasted through that as well.
What I want for my dds is to learn how to learn and to learn how to fail. I never did any revision for anything because it all seemed so easy. Even now if somthing seems hard I prefer to give up...

iseenodust · 09/02/2012 10:49

Cory hits the nail on the head for me. I have meandered from one mediocre job to another more by accident than design and none has fired a real passion. Don't get me wrong I am very professional but not ambitious/driven to trample on others.

BabyG I too was infamous for doing no revision and made it through a taught masters.

For DS I really support him in sport because I feel effort/reward is clearer for him to see. He is also not the best in his club so hopefully empathy about doing your best & being part of a team is going in.

BabyGiraffes · 09/02/2012 12:13

Has anyone overcome their lack of ambition I wonder? (well, as someone said, they wouldn't be posting on here but would be out changing the world and making serious money...)

ReduceRecycleRegift · 09/02/2012 12:18

BG as a mature student with a baby I did HAVE to go slow and steady rather than relying on last min cramming and waffle because if I left it till the last min, that would be when LO would be teething or have a temp, so sort of, but I still didn't give 100%.

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