Gifted Child being overlooked in Pre-Prep school

[doitall]

My DD goes to a private pre-prep and is currently in Y1. Our decision to send her to a private school was based on her exceptional ability (she was reading and writing at 4yo a year before starting Reception), the lack of a suitable primary school in the tough inner city East London borough where we live, and our willingness to make a lot of financial sacrifices and save for her education.

However we are becoming increasingly despondent with the school, and it's starting to become clear that she is being held back to allow others of lesser abilities to 'come forward'.

While they have at last recognised her reading skills - and given her books more suitable to her ability (a previous battle), there have been some worrisome incidences emerging. Conversations with our DD have revealed she never gets picked to answer questions in class, or to go up and write 'spellings' on the white board (always the same children who are asked, apparently). She always puts up her hand - but is starting to get demoralised and wondering why she should bother. Cap it all she was given a big role and lines in the school play - only for it to be taken away from her the next day (without explanation) and given to another child. She was left as the only child without anything to say - aside from one line. From the sublime to the ridiculous. Needless to say she was confused by it all. On a plus she's grown in confidence, is quite mature for her 6 years. However she is still quiet and needs ongoing encouragement, reassurance and of course stimulation.

I guess the point and concern I'm trying to raise is that we feel the school knows full well she will pass her 7+ exam to whichever school we choose, and therefore don't see her as a priority over other children - we think they're more concerned about getting these children 'up to speed' and leaving our DD to 'coast'.

As I mentioned at the start, private education is something we've had to really scrimp for - and we feel both her and us are being let down.

We've set up a meeting with the school to discuss, which I'm quite concerned about. I'm always uncomfortable with the 'gifted' tag, and worried that talking about it wrongly highlights me as a proud or pushy mother. It's a diffiucly subject to bring up I find. So, I'm going to be pretty nervous in such circumstances, and am worried that they'll see this and simply fob me off.

I'm just wondering if anyone out there has had a similar experience, or could offer any advice as to how we should approach the subject, ask the right questions and make the right requests with confidence - so we can get this sorted.

Many thanks one and all.

I think a parent's comments on their child's questioning and curiosity along with speed that they understand something new is far more infomative-especially if parent knows about normal progression.

I wouldn't say that reading and writing before starting school is exceptional. Ds could do both (nursery decided he was ready) and then decided when he started school he wanted to do neither for two years.

He also had a main part in a concert taken away when he was in year 1 and professed complete surprise and lack of knowledge as to why that had happened. A word with the music teacher soon made that clear - he messed around in one lesson and that was enough. He got reinstated to a far smaller part and he was very disappointed at the concert not to have his original part. I thought it was a good lesson for him that despite being exceptionally talented he also has to tow the line (although he was allowed to sing in the school choir concert despite never attending practices - again I thought that was wrong).

Opps instead of :

"Here I would say "gifted IQ as defined by an IQ score of .... taken at age...". "

I meant to say :

Here I would say "IQ in the gifted range as defined by an IQ score of .... taken at age...".

I think you might also rather remember that dds comments about never being asked to write on board etc may not necessarily be accurate

How many children in the class?

I sometimes use lolly sticks to choose children/pairs of children to answer, with no hands up. Lots of teachers do this now, so that children who always put their hands up aren't chosen all the time.

iggly2, I agree with you that generally a parent's view tends to be accurate as they see how fast a child absorbs/understands information in so many different circumstances in their lives...in fact I would go as far as saying that the parent generally has the best chance of spotting a child's potential and encouraging them in the right direction, although this might take a lot of time and effort as well as money!

However often parents question or are made to question their own instinct as they see academic success or failure as an indicator of how "bright" their child is, which I find very often not to correlate at all, as the lack of academic progress can be influenced by so many other factors!!

Back to the OP, I feel your pain as I have two very underchallenged children at school (state) but having visited some prep schools was not convinced they would receive any more individual attention at this stage of their school life. It is very hard to find a school, state or private, that WILL cater for a certain type of child that doesn't fit the overall mould in whichever way.

PS I can also relate to the quiet child predicament. My DS1 who is by the teacher's own words "exceptionally bright" and a very small and quiet August born child, is totally ignored at school when it comes to things like prizes, medals, certificates, etc...which tend to always go to either the low achievers, disruptive children or the boisterous/pushy/loud children like my DD1 who DEMANDS and is very vocal with the teacher if she doesn't get them!!! I do feel sorry for him as it doesn't really help his confidence as he does not understand that he doesn't get prizes because he is so good, he thinks he doesn't get prizes because he doesn't deserve them!!!!

Hmm food for thought. My 4 year old has been formally assessed as gifted by an edpsych. but after reading all these messages I am tempted just to supplement his very nice pre-prep with stuff at home rather than have him labelled ... His school is good but there are 20 kids in the class so I could see how it would bed easy just to let him coast. Shades of that already appearing says he can read much harder books than they give him. I'm not pushy, I have a 6 yr old and no 3 on the way and am petty slack most of the time but it would seem a shame not to let him stretch if he wants to -and at the moment he is driving himself.

I agree parents know their kids best - I only got him tested because he is so different from ds1 and other kids in what he absorbs and says though socially and emotionally totally fine.

I think for the little girl who is getting less attention, the private school system to me is meant to build well rounded confident children not just hot house, and if they are failing on both parts you are not getting your money's worth. It maybe that you have to take charge of the academic side and ask them to concentrate in building social and emotional confidence rather than levelling her down in these areas as well.

Sorry for essay!

sorry, haven't read whole thread, but my parents went to huge lengths to get us all good educations without labels - even though we would probably all have "qualified", as would my DS. OP - focus on her happiness or otherwise and avoid using the label, would be my adivice.