Please tell me about the emotional development of your g&t child

[Parasaurolophus]

DS is 5. He is gifted in maths, reading, writing, drawing, articulation, vocabulary, etc. He is often rather shocking is his skills.

He is also tall (the tallest boy in class he tells me). I often think he is 6, so if his own mother forgets he is just 5 surely other people forget too.

He seems to have the emotional life of a 3.5 year old. Very sensitive, fussy eater, fussy dresser, and quick to temper. People who "aren't being nice" end up attacked. His brother is often bruised (although his brother is often asking for it).

I am a professional behavioural psychologist. I know what to do, but I am often shocked that I have to do it. Sometimes I think I am expecting too much because he is tall and articulate, and other times I wonder if this is part of asynchronous development.

What are your children like?

I am really starting to realise now how lucky I am with DS . He really acts so much older (though dosen't look much older). He gets up reads (does not disturb anyone till 7am), does piano practice, more or less gets himself ready for school, ditto after school gets homework done etc. He comforts friends (and adults..... "Look Mummy, I only like happy Mummy" and tells a joke or smiles a hugh grin).

There are no melt downs (mummy is guilty of these), at school he is well behaved (worships his teacher ,we get lots of "Mr X says....."). If he loses anything (eg watch) he knows he needs to replace it from his own money-so seldom loses things, he does not get upset.

On a trip to London it was hilarious as in the main train station he went over to a tube map said "we need this line for X number of stops" looked around and said "over here" (he had spotted the correct platform and was heading over there) . Then DH had the meltdown (Ok, he is a major sulker rather than cryer) as he had wanted to show DS how to use the map etc, DS was far quicker .

My dd is like your ds at school but not at home! In class she requires very little supervision once a task is explained and gets on with it, even encouraging other children to talk less and get on with it .

At home she becomes 3 again, squabbling and snatching from her sister. When I say ' you wouldn't do this at school, would you' she answers 'no'. Then I say it isn't acceptable here either! Usually I get the 'whatever' look and then she gets time out.

My dd is 12 and has been g and t since primary. I haven't had any trouble with her and she hasn't been any different as she has got older. She has always been tall and overweight (like me) and everyone thought she was much older and i always thought that teachers expected more from her because of her size. She has always given 100% in her school work and it does show in her targets. She doesn't show any of the traits i have read on here at all. Thinking about it though the only thing i can say is that she has to be very precise about her school work i.e homework. It always has to be very neat and working out for maths has to be very long winded sometimes just to show the teacher! She has never been told off at school even in primary school but i always wonder what would happen if she was. She is and always has been extremely well behaved and quiet. Parents at her old primary school thought that there was something wrong with her because she wasn't naughty!

Before I read the thread I thought I was going to totally disagree with op as ds (g&t) has fantastic social/empathy skills alongside his recognised academic talents & that i would now be ranting on about how while some g&ts might have social difficulties (particularly not understanding peers,) contrasting against their academic abilities, while others, (like ds,) are highly skilled in empathy & socialisation. However, having read the thread I now see you are talking about the potential for increased sensitivity. So I have to concurr & add that ds seems to have a very low tolerance for pain, was a very fussy eater when smaller & cries more easily than I would expect for a child of his age. I think that for him at least, his increased sensitivity has given him a low pain threshold but also increased his empathy & ability to get on with everyone & anyone.

A very interesting thread and a discussion I had wanted to raise.

My DS was having problems aged 5 and was referred on via school and we queried if he might be AS as we felt it was not naughtiness. Multi disciplinary team dismissed this as if we were crazy to have even thought this and after testing IQ said verbal comprehension in top one percent showed it was not necessary to test for AS. I have not read James Webb?s book but just reading the synopsis on NAGC website I can see that he has all the characteristics that can be confused with AS.

I am sure it is more socially acceptable to query if your child has AS than to question if they are very eccentric due to their exceptionally high IQ as that just sounds boastful.

OP and Evilclown ? my DS displays all the characteristics of yours but in addition doesnt perform well at school. Also displays many of the other characteristics listed in this thread re sensitivity/eating etc etc.

Iggy ? interestingly my DS is generally like this when on his own at home just amazing, always very busy, totally absorbed but can also be fantastic company for adults. However when his younger siblings are around it can be very problematic and to an extent at school playtimes too as he struggles with peers especially in a group and prefers older children.

This is a contentious point and dont be offended it was just what I had always believed growing up with a very eccentric brother. I had always thought that the gifted were those that challenged and questioned and with traits that had some similarities with AS whereas those with a high IQ maybe still in top one percent but that worked hard, pleased teacher, came top of all exams were just extremely intelligent. Obviously a very different view to the G & T programme in schools and just my personal view.

Thanks for all your responses.

We have had a very good week at home because we have been playing with 5-year-old DS like a 5 year old. (idiot parents sometimes overlook the obvious )

We got out the old toys and have been playing with him like a little kid. He has been playing trains with his father. We're still have trouble with him doing his brother's homework (older brother has predictable mixed feelings about this), and could have done without the incident-over-the-itchy-trousers-with-shallow-pockets.

While he has increased sensitivity and heightened emotions, he doesn't have any problem with empathy or social understanding. DS is similiar to Joyne's DS and that sensitivity makes him very socially aware.

I spoke to his teacher about the incidents where he is being aggressive in class and she didn't even recall them. Apparently he is no more aggressive than the other 5-year-old boys. He is sensitive, so takes any kind of scolding very seriously and talks about it for ages; I need to learn to filter what he says.

This thread has been very helpful in helping me sort through my own feelings and reactions about DS. It may be most important for me to remember that he is 5 and not expect him to act older, despite his height, vocabulary, and reasoning. Perhaps our expectations have been out of line with his development and that has been stressful for him.

Thank you very much for talking me through this.

Parasaurolophus - DS1 (almost 8) has asynchronous development to the extreme - he has ASD and ADHD. The result he has fabulous mechanical language with a huge vocabulary but virtually no ability to make inferences or understand other people's emotions and feelings, even if they're spelled out to him. He has an amazing mathematical ability, especially when it comes to calculations, and is totally intuitive with computers, yet we only just got him out of nappies, this summer. He has an innate ability to visualise objects in 3 dimensions, yet trips over his own feet and struggles to dress himself correctly. And yes, he is incredibly emotionally labile and intolerant of others' "failings" to the point that they make him very angry. (he won't allow his younger brother who has ASD and is very limited in what he can do to scribble, for example)

He can come across like an angry teenager, especially because he is tall and does look old for his age, but his emotions are very much those of a toddler, at times. He gets lots of pleasure out of playing with toys aimed at children much younger than he is as well as construction toys like Lego.

You might get some mileage out of looking at books on Sensory Integration, particularly the Out Of Sync Child books.

My ds is 5 and is G and T. He is in many ways quite immature. Maybe because of his ability we forget he is still only 5. He was quite shy initially and it did take time for him to make friends. However, he is better now. I do sometimes wonder whether he has some minor Asd type traits. Only wants to wear certain clothes and hates being wet etc.