How do I become "supportive & encouraging"?

[KatyMac]

I think most of you know I'm not happy. I have got to get out of this mindset, it's not helping DD or me.

She is doing a tremendous amount of activities and I'm worried she is doing too much. As far as I can see I have the following options:

1. Cut down her activities (unilaterally without her permission or agreement)
2. Find a residential school where she can do it all built in to her timetable (ie not be down for 14 GCSE's as well as 15hrs plus dance a week)
3. Home Educate
4. Negotiate with her about dropping some activities & accept if the ones she wants to drop are the ones I want her to carry on with
5. Find a way of coping with her doing this much

I know in my heart of hearts 5 is the only option, so help me please? I need coping techniques to deal with:
a) Her diet
b) Her weight
c) Her level of fitness
d) Her health
e) Her mental health
f) Her tiredness

Actually I'm changing my title "Pushy & nagging or supportive & encouraging?" isn't right - is it?

Do you know what KatyMac, it's YOU I'm worried about. How can you drive her around to all those classes and cook her meals/organise the nuitrition, as you are doing, when you work 50 hours a week?! I couldn't! You have to think about your needs and health as well......

I haven't got any answers

I'm OK

I only do one class DH does most of them. I take over when he is ill & I'm cutting down on my activities (OU) to help manage (both financially and timewise)

The food is easier as I feed her the same at the children (breakfast is identical, she has their lunch for tea and their tea for supper - having pasta if it isn't something she doesn't like or we ran out)

But does your DD want to do all this? If so, all you can do is go with the flow and pick up the pieces if the need ever arises (it might not). If she wants to drop anything, let her (regardless of what it is).

If you do work 50 hours per week, though (and presumably do lots of other stuff besides paid work), is it possible that you're giving her the idea that you have to be constantly Doing Something? Does she ever see you doing stuff all?

Possibly, not much choice tho' DH is medically retired & there is that whole 'roof over our head' thing going on

She is desperate to do it all; earlier in the term she was starting to talk about taking something else on, tonight she has come in & said not only is she not taking on anything new, but we need to discuss which she is giving up (which one of us is the adult here ?)

Yeah well, she needs to start practising her own adult role- be tolerant and smile (I think they're rather sweet when they do this). I find dd veers between unrealistic ideas of doing x, y and z and thinking she's going to fail at everything, but there is a kind of base which is actually quite realistic.

In your case, I would seize the opportunity to run through the whole schedule again and see if anything can be dropped.

We are going to, probably at half-term when things are not happening

She is growing up

I spoke emailed to the year head today

She is only doing 4 GCSEs this year:
Geography
Spanish
Btec Science
Btec Dance

Which is good I think

That sounds manageable; it's weird they don't make it clearer from the start so that she (and the others in her year) can prioritise accordingly.

Tell me about it; I think options were a farce - there was no parents evening about it & the letter came out after the decisions had been made

But I wasn't expecting it until next year so I thought it was a 'run through' to give us an idea at first

surely the school she has a scholarship with will have firm ideas about appropriate levels of training, avoiding injuries and burn out? you'd hope, if they're any good. ie they can help negotiate with her the best way to reach her goals without spoiling her own chances.

re the gcses: there must be some 'filler' ones in there that she could essentially bum along with and expect to do badly in, that really don't matter. like General Studies. teh sciences, english and her dance quals are the only ones she really need try with. teachers won't like it but so what?

omaoma - I am hoping they will but no sign yet; but then it has only been 4 weeks so maybe I am being unfair

GCSEs I really don't know - but 4 this year seems doable