If your very bright older dcs went to an easy going primary which didn't challenge them, do you regret it now or are you happy about it?

[carolemiddleclasston]

I'm wanting to benefit from the wisdom of hindsight here!

If your children are in secondary now, how has it affected them - good or bad - if they went to a very easy-going primary where they were not challenged/ they coasted?

I have read this thread with interest as I am currently trying to make up my mind myself, whether we should stump up the cash and send our boys private.

They are v bright and definitely coasting. One of them is the 'toilet monitor' and they other they use with a girl who has severe learning difficulties (CP). Whilst its lovely that he is one of the only people she will respond to, what about his development?

They seem happy and do have friends but there are zero after school activities and not much in the way of sport/games etc.

Miggsie - Any tips on finding the right type of school?

Thanks squidgy.
Sorry for hijack OP.

Interesting thread. I've always been very pro state school 'if you're bright you'll be all right' kind of attitude but I'm starting to wonder....
I wasn't pushed but read all the time so got what I needed from that. Dubious exam results nearly cocked a few things up for me but a wonderful teacher at my sixth form college (where I was retaking o'levels!) bumped me up to A' levels. Lucky me.
Anyway. Having a massive dilemma with DS1. He's in yr2 of a lovely primary school, in a very bright class (he's up there with them), but sadly they are all moving off one by one to selective schools. So, although he's been getting a good challenge with these other kids, extra homework etc he's now literally scrabbling around in the wilderness for friends. He's started messing about with the naughty boys and I'm worried this will escalate. In terms of extra stuff.. He's been in a local choir since he was 5 & passed an audition for a very prestigious choir which we will eventually take up when they have a slot for him. Do we move him for year 4? We have 3 kids we were prepared to pay for at secondary only (high schools are abysmal round here). Sorry for banging on. Bit worried about my boy.
Oh another thing, he has never been on a G&T register despite music ability/early reader etc. (think these lists very relative).
To return to the OP - I'm worried I might be letting my son down. What about your situation?

No regrets here. DD got to enjoy her junior years without piles of homework etc, she got into a very competitive secondary school.

Having said that perhaps she was stretched during school hours?

Bothmine went to the local primary,which wasn't great then & is terrible now :(

DD went on to the local comp (did not get into the grammar),and fortunately the comp is Ofsted Outstanding & DID push her hard, and she went onto Cambridge.

DS went to Grammar and is doing well too.

I think they are both well grounded and learned a lot from the primary experience.

Thanks Squidgy12 :)

DD freely admits now though that she still can't do Non Verbal reasoning tests

My mum has told me she regrets leaving me at the local school and not pushing harder (this was nearly 30 years ago though). She thought as I was so bright (I was top of the class at primary and later got into Mensa as a teen) that I'd thrive and do really well. I didn't, was bullied at senior school and left at 14. Never reached University and have to play catch up in my late 30's .

My poor DC's aren't at school yet but are going to be pushed / stimulated as much as I can. Luckily my mum and stepdad are on side too .

The trouble with threads like this is that the world is divided into two groups - those that think children should be stretched and those that think they should grow.

And never the twain shall meet!

Pondering this too - although I'm not sure why because I really don't think we can afford private school. (we're reckoning on needing a spare £800 a month per child and we just don't have that)

DS is in primary 1 (Scotland - would be in Yr1 if in England/P2 in NI) and has coasted the whole year. The teachers identified him as being "exceptionally bright" at the start of the year, but it hasn't made the blindest bit of difference. He gets "interesting" homework sporadically (although this is become more regular now with 5 weeks of term to go!) and the work he is producing is easily P3 level. He does it happily, enthusiastically and easily. At school however he doesn't put any effort in and the work he produces is nowhere near what he's capable of. (I should add that this is the same work the rest of the class gets set - e.g. 2 sentences about summer with keywords written on the board - rather than the stuff he gets set at home - e.g. retell the story (ORT level 11) from someone else's point of view)

We have been into the school a number of times but always been brushed off by the teacher ("if he doesn't produce it in class we can't give him any other extension work" - "how do we know you're not doing it for him at home?" etc...) We have concerns about a few friendships he has and discovered on Friday (although we've suspected for most of the year) that one boy he is friends with is bullying him - pushing him to do things he shouldn't (throwing things in the playground etc...) and shouting in his face, threatening to tell on him or using bad language to him if he says no. This boy and the other 4 boys he is friendly with (there are only 7 boys in the class) are all in the bottom set and we strongly suspect that the reason he doesn't put the effort in at school is because he sits with these boys and they aren't working hard either. (the teacher lets them sit wherever they like in the classroom and so they choose their own seats each day) He's also admitted he's scared of getting things wrong and being laughed at by this one particular boy. He has lost so much self-confidence and despite the fact he is far and away the brightest child in the year (teacher's words - not ours as obviously we don't know all the other kids) his work at school is not good.

We're really worried that he's becoming lazy, uninterested and disruptive. Private school is just too expensive, not just for now but also because we have 3 younger ones to think about too. Trying to move house but to get into the really good primaries we would need to be able to buy a house way outside our means or way too small for our family of 6!

The most worrying thing is that I coasted my way through primary and secondary (top grammar school) and then again at university. I never developed a good work ethic though and also had no self-confidence in my abilities as I was never pushed to do anything I actually had to work at. As a result I came out of school with good, but not exceptional results and got a 2:1 honours degree at uni with the bare minimum of work, when I was capable of a first. (not that I believed it at the time - it's taken me 10 years to see what I was capable of) I didn't enjoy school at all from a work point of view - it was a social experience - nothing more. I'm so worried that history is repeating itself.

(SORRY - worried mum splurge...)

Hi my eldest son is 17 and extremely bright at 11 we decided not to sit him for scholarships as the local schools are all exceptional did well untill year 10, was a straight a* pupil was having different work set for him etc. but not challenging enough. When the hormones kicked in it all went pair shaped no communication from school no support the school was crap left with ok results he totallt disengaged from education as he found it so boring!!! My next daughter who is of average ability is doing fine there coming out with straight B's. Next two children also doing fine. My 3 year old is brighter than my 17 year old was at 3 and this time I will be making sure that her needs are met and she will be sitting for a scholarship, state schools in my expierence just dont cater for kids who are exceptionally bright. I cant tell you how much I regret the decision not to send him privately!!!

sammie1971 - don't blame it all on your ds's school.... it's as much in the personality as anything else. Dh got scholarships to top public schools, was really kept stimulated and made to work at school. Still went pear shaped at university, where he did no work whatsoever and I'm sure that's not because his university didn't "stretch" him enough... What's more, some very bright people turn against organised education of any sort - the more structured and pressured, the more they rebel. Private school is NOT the answer for all exceptionally bright people. Very easy to say in retrospect it would have worked, of course, when you've got no means of testing that theory out. I take the view you make what you make out of your circumstances and it's very silly to blame where you end up on something other than yourself most of the time (with exceptions at the extremes, of course).

I think rabbitstew has a point: my rather bright dh got a scholarship to a very good private school, enjoyed it greatly, but as far as I can make out didn't work hard enough and did not to at all well. The school did all they could to make him work (I have read his reports!), he clearly found the teaching very interesting and still speaks of it with affection- but for some reason he wasn't prepared to put the work in. Hormones? Hard to tell.

DD was at and DS is just about to leave a state primary that does not push them
DS is currently bored out of his tiny mind
BUT
the secondary comp is so fab I'm not worried
DD came home with the permission slip to start Latin as an extra language next term
I remember whooping when she first came home to tell me she'd come third in a test rather than the usual top!

DD was bored during lessons at her first primary school. She used to go to sleep during maths because every lesson was just repeating stuff for the slow ones.
She went to a different primary for Y6 and loved the fact that she was being stretched at last.
I'm not sure whether the move made any difference to her academic results in the long-run. She was a great deal more confident in her own abilities when she went to secondary school though.

I think it boils down to happiness. Had she been happy at the first school we wouldn't have moved her and would have just gone making sure she had mental stimulation at home.

Adding to previous post-

Both primariy schools DD went to fed the same secondary school. This meant I've had two speech days in which to idly read the lists of exam results and, of course, I was interested to see how the pupils from the two primary schools compared. This is not scientific but I am an ex-teacher. I have known many of these children from pre-school age and had been a parent-helper in the easy-going school.

Both are rural village primary schools with an affluent catchment. The majority of parents are professional, many of whom are highly educated themselves. The secondary school has an excellent academic record.
As far as GCSE results were concerned, both groups did pretty well with roughly the same number getting 5 or more C grades and above, and roughly the same number getting 7 or more. However, the pupils from the 'easy going' primary who were struggling back then tended not to have done well at GCSE whereas the less able pupils from the 'hard working' primary tended to do comparatively well at GCSE.

Something that was glaringly obvious was that a disproportionate number of pupils from the easy going school who had done best at GCSE had joined that primary school from elsewhere. They had already learned to read before they came to that school and it had been obvious in Y4 and Y5 that they were streaking ahead of many of the pupils taught there from reception. I think it is true to say that the worst results were from pupils who had been at the easy going school from Reception to Y6, with one exception - see below.

More recently, I was fascinated to see the A level results for that year group. Four students had done spectacularly well - 5 or more A grades. Two of them were students who had gone to other primaries. Of the other two, one was my DD and the other was a girl she knew from the easy going primary.
I know her mother was as concerned as I was that the lessons at primary school were not stretching enough and had set about ensuring she had plenty of home stimulus. The difference was that this girl was older in the year group than my DD and the school always split classes by age, not ability, so my DD was frequently left to work with the year below whereas the other girl frequently worked with the year above. Our only recourse was to move DD to the other school. (I have often thought that if they could have been allowed to work together a friendship might have been formed which would have meant my DD was less isolated in that school.)

The rest of the A level results showed that a greater number of the pupils from the easy going school had left after GCSE, presumably to go to the 'tech'. Of the ones who had stayed in that sixth form, the results were pretty well comparable. Though I would say that those who did best from either school had parents who would be 'hands on' throughout.

I'm so glad to find this thread. I am kicking myself for not interfering more with DD1's laid back school, especially as she drowses through the final days of year 6-what a waste of a year it has been for her academically, being told she had already achieved the level needed (SAT5) at the start of the year, and coming out with zero organisational skill, no habit of getting homework done, and bored with some subjects that she is clearly very interested in at home. She's learned how to disappear and dumb down. My Y3 dd2 meanwhile moved to a new school and is loving it and thriving in every way.

How can I best act to make sure we get back on track to reach DD1's potential in secondary?

unitarian, if you check back on this thread I'm all ears

I am not sure what you mean by easy-going TBH.

Do you mean relaxed and not pushy? Or do you mean not providing work at the right level for all the children?

My 3 are all different. But the one who would be classed as 'very bright' now couldn't be doing that much better afaics whereever she had gone in the primary years. Primary was very relaxed and supportive - I know some of the more ambitious mums worried that their children weren't being pushed enough but my experience of having a gifted child (woohoo! first time I've ever been able to say that!) is that she only gained from her primary education.

Ormirion By easy going I mean not providing work which is sufficiently stimulating. The primary school I refer to as easy going was teaching to the lower end to try and make sure they all reached level 4 at KS2. The staff weren't remotely interested in anyone who had already reached that level by Y5 so they were bored out of their minds.
Ironically, it fell below the national average for English in that year group's KS2 year so the strategy didn't work.

Habanera DD had no problem at secondary school. The head of the excellent primary gave me a photocopy of the GCSE maths paper she had done for him aged 10 just in case the secondary school didn't notice she was good at it but I never had to produce it.
She was happy at secondary school from the start but became increasingly content as streaming started to kick in. She never suffered fools gladly so there were some teachers she just didn't appreciate but there were others who brought out the very best in her.

She's now studying medicine.

As I said, I wouldn't have moved DD to a different primary school if she had been happy at the first one but she wasn't happy. She was miserable and eventually refused point blank to go. I supported her in this because I could no longer bear to see her 'disappear and dumb down' as Habanera put it so well.
I felt she would have entered secondary school too timid to be herself if we didn't make that change and it worked brilliantly. She found her natural confidence very quickly in the new school and that set her up for a good start to secondary school.
That doesn't mean you should worry though, Hab. Secondary school life is completely different and my neighbour's daughter who has had a very similar primary experience to my DD's is now coming to the end of a very happy Y7.

I went to academically poor primary and secondary schools, then moved to a much more academic sixth form. I went to Oxford, so I can't claim to have failed, but I really think that my success was down to a supportive home environment (lots of books, museums etc) rather than school.

One thing I really regret is that I never learnt how to work, because I was always top of the class without having to put any effort in. Uni was a massive shock and although I eventually learned adequate working habits, I feel I lack discipline that most of the girls at the selective private school where I currently teach have in spades.

Oh, and because working hard/achieving academically wasn't valued, I had a shit time socially, though I understand that may not be true for all 'easy-going' schools.

Interesting what you said about your social life, missmiss.
DD went to a comprehensive and I was aware of her social life increasing as she was streamed more and more with like-minded fellow pupils. That makes her seem elitist and I don't think she is but she definitely had more in common with more classmates as streaming and then GCSE option choices took place.
I had a very different experience at school having been streamed throughout primary school (baby boomer) and then going to a selective single-sex High School.

I had never met a disruptive pupil until teaching practice! She learned to tune them out long ago.

She is much more at ease with boys than I ever was as a teenager and I think she has as many boys among her friends as she does girls.

Her work habit is very different to mine. I can't work until I have a tidy place to do it in with no distractions then I get down to it and work until it's done. She seems to function in utter chaos, breaks off to do something else then gets at it again. She's got one more A level than me, all with higher grades, so her method seems to work for her.

He was at an outstanding state primary but we felt by end of Year 1 and in Year 2 he was 'coasting'. He was also being 'used' to help the other, less academic, children which I have to say, I wasn't overjoyed about.... "what did you do today?" "I did reading with John... he read, and I had to listen, and tell him if he made a mistake..."

Yikes, this happened to me at Primary school... I remember being 'used' to read to younger children or, much more awkward, read to the lesser able children in the same year as me. it was awful :(