Hi all,
Hello Milky nice to see you again. As 4jen said - the PALS route seems to be the best for talking through what happened to you. I'm going to talk to my consultant about it when I see him in August. Like you, I am still pretty flabbergasted that this could have happened. However, the only alternative I am willing to consider is that there is some kind of tissue/predisposition to this type of injury. At the end of the day, people have WAY worse births than mine, and walk away less damaged. In my case I think I am coming to some kind of peace with the idea that it was a combo of genes and quick dilation/pushing. Basically I think I was pushing into myself (waters hadn't broken) for a good while before anyone realised and got the proper pushing going. I know from midwives, including some people on MN, that the pushing bit wouldn't cause the sort of damage I experienced, unless it went on for a serious amount of time (it was max of a couple of hours for me). I really can empathise with the bewilderment, frustration and worry that this causes. It just seems so unbelieveable.
On the matter of how to deliver your next baby, my consultant basically said that the process of repair in effect tightens things up, which would potentially increase the risk of damage following any further vag births. He was also of the view that if I was susceptible to this type of injury in the first place, then why take the risk again? However, he said that there wouldn't have been a problem with me having other vaginal births before the repair work was done.
That said, I know a number of people who have had significant stitches/repair jobs who have either had successful second/third births or have been told there's no risk with a further vag birth.
If I was you (though of course, I am not!), I'd be speaking to consultants about it - especially if your repair work wasn't done by a colo rectal person. I say this because there seems to be a real difference in what gynae/obs people say about this, compared with the colo rectals. Could be just a different view of risk or (in my opinion) could be they know what they're talking about! At the very least I'd be asking for exams and reasons why the various options are recommended/not recommended.
On the lifetime of the surgery repair, again I'm going to speak to my consultant. With youngish, fittish women who have the sort of repairs detailed on here, my understanding is that with diligent pelvic floor work we can expect to retain the benefits of the surgery. Most colo rectal research is not based on people with obstetric injury, but those who have compounded problems, bowel/colon cancer etc etc, and they also tend to be older and frailer. So it is widely acknowledged that if you were to take a generic view of the lifetime of colorectal surgery, there would be a more limited 'shelf life'. If I find more out about this from my consultant I will of course post on here.
More than anything, Milky, I just wish I could give you a hug. Your posts just sound so down and a bit despairing. Do you feel this way? Am I picking it up wrong? I think PALS or some other way of going through your notes is a brilliant start and it may also be worth asking your GP to be referred to a colorectal specialist if you'd like a full MOT with an expert. Either way it feels like it's important that you feel you're doing something about this, rather than being done to. I really really feel for you. Please keep posting.
OK - that was a bit of an essay!
On a lighter note, I had a great weekend, though the LOs didn't quite cooperate with the adults so we're all really knackered! I am now going to beat a path to my lovely comfy bed. Fingers crossed the bambina is as sleepy as me and we get an uninterrupted night. I bet I have just jinxed myself by typing that.
Hope everyone is ok and that you enjoyed the weekend.
Goodnight!