The Great Cancer Recovery part 3

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!

Here are some resources we found helpful:

The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis

Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/

Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward

Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html

Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/

Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients

Any more suggestions? Post them below

There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

I don't blame you - I wouldn't buy them either. It's funny I've not found Macmillan that great in all of this. I thought they would be (I used to work for them) but when I've rung their helpline a few times there was stuff I didn't like. Everything is recorded. Why? I rang up once really upset about various stuff going on in my family which I felt was hampering my recovery and after thought oh no I don't want that recorded for all time! Another time a Macmillan nurse just spouted mindfulness techniques at me without really listening to me, and one guy kept referring to people with cancer as 'cancer patients'. When I worked there, we were told always to use 'people' not 'patients' and I can see why. It rankled every time he said it. Breast Cancer Now has been wonderful (Weirdly I once did some work for them as a freelancer and they didn't like it. Was very awkward. Years ago when they were Breast Cancer Care! Ah well.)

Like others, finding
all the references to cancer,either real life or fictional, along with Breast Cancer Awareness month are a bit much. I am Very Aware, thanks v much. It can all tip
into commodification IMO.

Seems as though it’s all luck of the draw with experience of MacMillan, Breast Cancer Now. I had a useful counsellor via MacMillan, excellent input from nurses from BCN and found the moving forward worse than useless.

Oh no @GrannyGoggles was Moving Forwards no good? That's disappointing. I will try the Macmillan counselling once my local cancer centre counselling 6 sessions end. I'm sure like you say it is luck of the draw across the charities.

They record calls to the helpline? Well that would put me right off. Even if it's to "improve services" or whatever. Makes me think of that workplace helpline service that allowed random people to listen in on calls.

I know this makes me sound like an absolute shit, but I hate seeing cancer charitable events promoted and I don't want anything to do with them. I'm only admitting this in solidarity with anyone else who feels ambivalent.

Where I was treated, you have to go past the Macmillan office on the way to appointments and they have a table outside with helpful leaflets. On my first appointment I caught sight of one for "After your Bereavement" which I found funny in a gallows humour kind of way, but it did seem a bit insensitive.

This stage, post active treatment, I am really finding the hardest. There is no evidence to others of what I'm going through, and I feel like I should be feeling better but I am an actual rage ball a lot of the time. I started a new job during radiotherapy and I think it was definitely too soon - but I needed the money so...

Anyway I am plodding on. Not a very cheery post - sorry!

Welcome @PaperbackWrighter to one of the nicest places on MN. I’m sorry to hear about your recent concerns, I hope the MRI result is good.

I haven’t heard back from the organisation that interviewed me and they said on Thursday they’d decide by Friday so I’m assuming I won’t be progressing to another interview. A bit disappointing as they were being very positive and asked the types of questions I would only ask someone that I thought I wanted to employ. Ah well someone more qualified must have come along. I wasn’t 100% certain it was the right role for me but it’s always nicer if you can reject them instead of them rejecting you haha!

DD has finished her exams hooray! She has an interview for a casual retail job lined up tomorrow. She’s hoping to get it as it pays more than her burger chain job and the hours are more conducive to having a social life.

I know what you mean about finding this part the hardest - I'm struggling with slotting back into my full-time working life. I work for myself and having surgery, recovery etc, really interfered with my being able to accept and actively pursue work. Consequently, my finances are a bit decimated, have just gone overdrawn for first time in 10 years, got myself a 0% for 20 months credit card. But will all have to be paid for and am now trying to grab lots of work but at same time don't have my usual energy.

Ahh thank you so much @Remaker for the lovely welcome. I am very glad indeed to be in one of the nicest places on MN and thank you also for your kind thoughts.

Sorry to hear that about the interview - bloody annoying! Sounds like if they were asking those questions though you very nearly got through - maybe that makes it worse though, I don't know.

Fingers crossed for your DD and her job interview. Always better to work in the daytime when you're that age, to have your nights free! Any age really! But for me I'd be thinking more so I could stay in with my feet up and a new series to binge rather than paint the town red!

@PaperbackWrighter Absolute luck of draw with Moving Forward. The group I found myself in seemed fairly evenly divided between those who were making a good recovery, looking and moving forward and those who were really struggling. There was a lot of unresolved trauma, and whereas I could sympathise and empathise, it was triggering and profoundly unsettling. The woman leading the sessions was way out of her depth and it got messy. I was not alone in finding this so. Tin lid for me was another Breast Cancer Now woman who was v Pink T shirt, it’s a gift, I’m so much stronger & better in every way which, to coin a phrase, just gets right on my tits! Which is mine to deal with, I know. I seem to recall @TopOfTheCliff found the experience useful.

When you’re through active treatment it is tough. The oncologist told me lots of people find the year after more challenging than the treat. I remember thinking, not me! Get through the treatment and I’ll be just fine. I’ve found out that he had a point

Welcome @PaperbackWrighter - fingers crossed for your MRI. I was a freelancer with charities whilst I was going through my treatment. I was lucky that I had ongoing contracts with long-standing clients so I was fine during the actual treatment, it was afterwards that I struggled because as you identify I hadn't been able to market and network to have a pipeline of ongoing things. So with that, and the chaos in the charity sector that meant that were constantly moved around, and that a lot of it was online I decided to get a job which I'm really happy in.

In my previous freelance work I went to a webinar about Macmillan's evaluation of their services. They identified that people had improved between the initial assessment thing they do and a time period a bit later, I can't remember exactly what. But they had no control group, and when I pointed out that they did the assessment right at the beginning, which lots of us felt was the worst point and then we got better anyway they had no answer to that. I felt really enthusiastic about the assessment basically it just directed me to a load of leaflets. I also had the six week counselling, It filled a gap but there is no evidence that six weeks Is the right period of time for counselling, my counsellor agreed with me as well that wasn't enough. I was completely unable to build a relationship online and in that short period of time so ultimately it was pretty useless too! Gosh, I'm moany today 😂.

Annoying you haven't heard about your job @Remaker but if you weren't sure about it then it saves the agony of being offered something and feeling as you want to take it just because it's been offered! It's always crap to be rejected though!

Treatment. NOT treat. Definitely not

Welcome @PaperbackWrighter you are among friends here!
I have done Moving Forward twice, as I had Breast cancer twice. In 2021 during Covid I did an online course which was technically useful and I learned a lot, but was no benefit in terms of emotional support and nobody in the group interacted beyond a bare minimum. In 2023 after BC no 2 I did a local face to face course which I did find helpful. Mainly I think I realised how much further down the road to acceptance and healing I was than most of the other ladies, who as @GrannyGoggles says were carrying a lot of fear and unresolved trauma. The facilitators had some excellent support material and were very positive and kind. I do recommend this course, but obviously the quality varies!
Today I did another cheery bike ride with my ladies group. They are getting used to the fitter faster Top re-emerging 😂 It is ruffling a few feathers among the newer members who thought I was always slow and fat.
We went to a seaside cafe which had run a charity fundraiser yesterday for the local Oncology unit. They were a bit startled when I emptied my wallet into their tin at the counter! It felt very good to be a supporter and not a patient.
@HellonHeels I was a ball of rage throughout my second round of treatment but managed to let it go a year ago on a wonderful retreat run by Cancer Lifeline South West. If you are in this area look them up. Magical!
Now I am pressing on with my redecorating project for my little sitting room. I ripped up the carpet and found such a bad floor below I am going to just put carpet down again. I should have it finished before Christmas.
DH has just booked us a trip to Budapest as a pre-Christmas treat. I feel very fortunate after all that has happened to be able to enjoy life again. It takes so much longer than you ever expect it to!

Welcome @PaperbackWrighter this is a lovely group. Very supportive of each other and at celebrating our progress as we move through the process…

You are moving forward… it’s just it isn’t always a steady progression. It zigzags both mentally and physically. Hopefully the tests will be fine and you can move on. I’m awaiting reconstructive surgery after a summer of dancing like a teenager so I’m feeling a bit back in the ‘waiting room’ box at the moment. I’m not looking forward to it but I can’t wander around forever with metal expanders in my chest … or can I?

I’m finding ways of spending the time productively. But this has been hard won and was impossible during the more active phases of my treatment - chemo and it’s side effects.

I feel like we should try and have a meet up at some point! Bit harder for me with the distance but maybe next year!

@GrannyGoggles I’ve found myself staring at a number of breast cancer awareness posters over the English summer … the last thing you need when you are out trying to have a bit of fun and forget about it all! Very ‘triggering’ as people now say!

@HellonHeels the very fact you are angry shows progress. It’s also a sign of simmering, fiery life and passion!

If it stays too long then deal with it, but you are more than welcome to vent here.

Its entirely understandable to feel angry about it all. Weird things set me off sometimes and I have to work through it to understand why!

@Remaker sorry you haven’t heard back from the job yet. I’m applying, although this may be futile given that I might have surgery again at some point. I will find out when this week.

I’m lining up some volunteering to plug the gaps i hope in my cv and I’ve got a CRT (supply teaching) interview on Friday… I really don’t want to do this at all…But it might be a case of anxiety being worse than the reality.

I think I’d rather work in a shop…Not that there is anything wrong with that. Hmmm retail? Leave my brain free for the other stuff! Thoughts?
I don’t want to find myself crying whilst walking the dog again…

I think I should put a full stop on it really.

I feel the same way @FairyWren7 I’d rather do something that doesn’t have stress or responsibility. Still no word about the job so I’ve accepted that’s done now and looking for other options.

DD had more luck than me and was offered a job at her interview today. She’ll be working at Athletes Foot selling trainers.

@Remaker that is great news for DD but Athletes Foot? Seriously? That is such a gross Australian joke.
I am going to watch the Ottery Tar Barrel races tonight. Something off the bucket list as I have never been even though I lived 12 miles away for twenty years.

@TopOfTheCliff 😂the chain has been around in Australia for years so I don’t even think about the ‘other’ meaning!

Thank you for the lovely welcome, everyone! I'm so happy to be here to join in (well, you know what I mean, wish I wasn't recovering from cancer but as I am this seems a great group to be in...)

@GrannyGoggles - your experience of Moving Forward sounds really awful - I can imagine it was extremely unsettling. That's what sometimes worries me about group settings - other people's pain and unresolved stuff can be difficult for others to experience and can bring up stuff for them too. Hopefully, I'll have more of the experience @TopOfTheCliff did, but I'll go with an open mind and be ready for anything!

@SierraSapphire How interesting that you were a charity freelancer too and have now taken a permanent role. I have been wondering whether I will go that way too, but for the moment have two big projects for a longstanding client - it's just the time I wasn't working is making things tricky now especially as one client v late in paying.
And on the counselling, I agree - 6 sessions feels quite arbitrary doesn't it? I've got 6 sessions with a local cancer centre, which I feel incredibly grateful for but am wondering what can be achieved over that time.

@TopOfTheCliff thanks for sharing your positive experiences of the MF sessions. I opted for in-person, so am hoping that will make a difference. I love the fact you're fitter and faster in the cycling group now - I'm hoping to do that with my dogwalking group - trying to build up to my return on 23 Nov (2.5 hour hike up and down hill etc), largely spurred on by the thought of the giant pizza at the end in the pub we go to! It's their speciality😋

@FairyWren7 sorry to hear you feel like you're back in the waiting room space but glad to hear you've had a good summer. Good luck with the interview on Friday. I'm the same - I would love to work in a shop, book shop preferably, but anything really. Although I don't remember enjoying any of my shopworking experiences in the past (shoes, childrenswear) and didn't like being a waitress either!

@HellonHeels I'm wondering if I'm going into ball of rage mode, couldn't sleep last night for feeling angry. Also think it would be the tamoxifen. I slept well until I started taking that. No other side effects really other than the odd night sweat.

@Remaker Athlete's Foot is brilliant! My friend who lives in Aus told me recently she uses a deodorant brand called No Pong - which made me laugh. Does what it says on the tin! Also, congrats to your daughter!

@TopOfTheCliff Enjoy the tar barrel races! I went in 1994, a long time ago!, when I was at university in Exeter - was brilliant!!

Welcome @PaperbackWrighter, you will find lots of lovely people here. I had a really positive experience of Moving Forward. I met a lovely group of ladies and we meet up regularly.

@GrannyGoggles I remember finishing treatment and going to Marks to buy a bikini to go on holiday. I found seeing a check your breasts poster in the changing room really upsetting, especially as it was the first time looking at my new body in swimwear.

Hello everybody and welcome @PaperbackWrighter - you'll find lots of support here.

I'm feeling a bit more positive at the moment (not about the news, obvs, but about other stuff...). I am feeling more on top of the sadmin for DF, and we had a nice week away in Cornwall last week for half term. We did lots of walking and I realise I have good stamina, but am bad at high intensity stuff (so I can walk up a steady slope for ages, but I have to take a breather up a short, sharp bit). I have only really been swimming lately, and I know I need to mix it up a bit. I've just found a PT with a lymphoedema specialism, so have booked an initial session with her. I have put on weight again, when I really need to lose it, so I'm hoping this might be the motivation I need for both better exercise and some weight loss.

Thanks Fairywren Lovely photo. Hope surgery isn't too long a wait and hope job applications go well.

Welcome Paperback Hope MRI comes back nothing to worry about.

Great your DD has finished her exams Remaker Hope something good materialises on the job front for you soon.

Budapest sounds wonderful Top

Glad things are getting better Dotty

Another post DIEP check yesterday, 7 weeks now, and all fine again, have one with surgeon next week. She is so lovely.

DD is now coming home this weekend rather than next weekend and as I will be abroad at Christmas I am making it into a first Christmas weekend. Got a potted Christmas tree yesterday and will decorate it today and have food ordered and lots of nice cakes and Christmas pudding from the bakers. And crackers and other nice bits and pieces arriving today. DS loves Christmas lights so I always get them on early and Floof will be very happy with the 30 robins I have to put on the tree. Also getting everything prepared for going abroad.

Thank you for the lovely welcomes @tam23 @dotty2 and @Penguinsa - glad you had such a positive experience of MF, Tam, and hope mine will be similar. How nice that you all still meet up - I had that hope for mine.

Penguins, how exciting to have first Xmas this weekend - your plans sound perfect. Is Floof a cat or dog? (Re the robins, I'm thinking former!) Dotty, a week in Cornwall sounds great and pleased you are building stamina.

Well, I had good news this morning... the MRI on left breast came back all normal. So I can now get on with recovering... eek! xx

That's brilliant Paper Floof is a cat, but he's a very big fluffy cat about 1.2 metres from nose to tail. This is him next to a single bed.