Sick mum, sick husband, full time job, two children. WWYD?

[gaelicsheep]

I will try to be brief. Mum is extremely ill, has cancer and we fear is about to receive a terminal diagnosis. Mum and Dad live 4 hours away (and a nightmare journey at that). DH is also now ill, needs urgent endoscopy for suspected internal bleeding - possibly an ulcer, but God knows and extremely worrying. DH looks after two young DCs, one of whom is only 3 and just goes to nursery for two short days a week. DH so tired and unwell that he really isn't fit for doing this. And then there's me - trying to hold down a 40 hour a week job and not doing a great job of it at the moment. Have talked to work - repeatedly, as I've had my own heath troubles - and have the distinct sense that they are starting to lose patience with me.

Result, I feel torn at least three ways. What on earth do I do? Where do I start in picking my way through this? Feeling very very down today, sorry.

(Wish I could offer something more useful.)

Thanks. Flowers are good. I spoke to the Macmillan helpline today and they have clarified things for me a lot. Where treatment is aimed at prolonging life and reducing symptoms, as in my Mum's case, then the exact timing of treatment does not really make a difference to the overall outcome. If it is going to be effective then it will be effective even if the cancer has grown a bit more and spread a bit more. If it isn't going to be effective then it won't be, regardless of when they start it. And they prefer to leave people while they are feeling relatively well, especially with Christmas coming up.
I feel reassured that there is reasoning behind the decisions being taken, and I'm glad she'll be well for Christmas.

So glad you've been able to get an explanation - and that your mum will be feeling as well as possible for Christmas.

I think the cancer teams really do get the importance of quality of life, and your DM staying comfortable enough to enjoy the time treatment will buy.

No worries gaelicsheep; I know you ahve your hands full xx

Thanks for the update here though; it must be one less worry knowing that there is a plan in place for your mum. Hopefully you can now organise the support that she needs locally to help both her and your Dad through the coming months.

I know how tiresome and worrying odd un-specific symptoms can be, so much though goes out to you and your DH; I hope he sarts to feel better soon. Have they tried changing his ADs though? Sometimes a particular one just doesn't suit.

Hope you have as peaceful and happy a Christmas as you can under the circumstances xxx

Thanks. Well an update here, if anyone's likely to see it. Mum's condition is certainly terminal. 3-4 months without chemo. Possibly 1 to 2 years with chemo if she's one of the lucky ones. She's getting worse by the day at the moment - pretty horrifying all round really. Chemo starts next week.

DH has now been coughing up some blood and xrays couldn't establish where from. Not loads but enough to worry him (and me, of course). They think he's anaemic from losing blood from somewhere for some time. Pills wise, they are going to see about changing his ADs, but not just yet because of the other things he has to deal with first.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the New Year. But we did have a lovely family Christmas and I'm holding onto that for now.

Oh gaelic.

Hope the chemo works well for your mum.

I've just read this thru. Really sorry you are going thru this. I hope you got to enjoy a -relatively-normal Christmas break.

My God, mum is deteriorating fast. She hasn't kept anything down for two days solid and been in so much pain. She'll be having three anti sickness injections a day from now on. It's too fast and too cruel. We don't know if she will even be strong enough to start the chemo next week as planned. Right now that isn't looking good. Can't believe I only found all this out when I phoned them today. Dad sounds so weary,I'm so worried. Think I need to find a thread for people in a similar situation.

I'm so sorry.

Oh Gaelic From what you've said I think I can guess what sort of cancer it is - sounds very much like my dad. I wish I could offer you some practical help but in the absence of that please do feel free to pm me if you want to talk.