DNA question and adoption

[Dartmoorcheffy]

I know this is a real long shot but it's the only thing I can think of. I was adopted in 1969 . I found and met my birth mother, now deceased and am still in contact with that side of my family. However I know I have at least 4 older half sisters on my birth father's side. Unfortunately all I know about him is rough location, rough age, occupation and possibly his name (if birth mother was honest about it). Would a dna test be of any help at all or can anyone suggest anything else. I'm aware that it could open a big can of worms which has always made me hesitate about doing anything but I'm 53 now and it's eating away at me not knowing.

Perhaps it would be worth doing a test, you don't necessarily have to follow it up if you don't want to. There are a number of threads in the 'genealogy' topic board about DNA testing, so it might be worth having a read of some of those, as tracing long-lost relatives this way is quite common.

There is the possibility that they might know of your existence, so any contact may not come as a complete surprise.

Thankyou, I'm not sure they would know as he was working away from home and his landlady was my mother. His wife and 4 young daughters were back in London while he worked in Blackpool. I didn't realise the tests were so cheap so I will definitely give it a try as anything I find out would be interesting.

I found blood relatives on ancestry but I think it was a matter of luck that my bio aunt was on there actively looking for the same answers I was.

My dad's family is huge but there were no close DNA matches but it didn't matter as it was family on my mum's side I was trying to trace.

I'm hoping for that sort of luck too perhaps. His name is so common that it would be very difficult to find him.

I feel your pain. My birth mother said she never told my father. I have a name but nothing else. 1969 also.

Go for it - it's worth the effort. Of course you will only get a positive result if one of those relatives has also done DNA testing - but I think it would be worth trying. A friend of mine found a daughter that he didn't know existed - he is about 60 and she is about 40. He had a one night stand with her mother , and one thing led to another. Father and daughter are now forming a happy relationship. DNA can be a wonderful thing, OP. Good luck.

My birth father was present at the adoption handover so at least he is aware I exist. Could your mum have been saying that to protect you maybe. At least you know his name though. Apparently I look very much like my father.

Thats encouraging. I'm not getting my hopes up too much but it's definitely got to be worth a try. What actually happens after you have sent off the test?

If you’re on FB there’s a group called DNA Detectives which may be able to help you trace your father using the results of the DNA tests. It’s quite complex but they have many success stories. Good luck.

I will try that too. Thankyou 😊

Finding a relative can only happen if one of your relatives have done the same and with the same company.

You can get access to other data bases but you have to pay extra.

The best company to test with - assuming you are in the UK - is Ancestry. This is because Ancestry has the biggest database of UK test takers, so you are most likely to get a match.

Ancestry will send you a test kit with a tube to spit into, fill the tube, send it off. Wait about 6-8 weeks. When the test has processed you will then get an email telling you that your results are ready.

And this is where it gets complicated. Ancestry will present your matches with the closest first, down to the furthest away. The "closeness" is measured in Centimorgans, which is just a number. This chart will help explain the numbers you are seeing and what they might mean.

dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4

So best case scenario you get a match around 1800 centimorgans and Ancestry says it's a half-sibling, or an aunt/uncle. You can then CAUTIOUSLY contact that match and say something like "Hey, you're a close match to me, want to try to figure out how we're related?" And they might reply, or might not - lots of people get the kits for Christmas, do it for fun and completely lose interest.

A more normal case scenario is that you don't get close matches at all, and you have a few matches in the 200ish centimorgan range which could be second cousins, half first cousins etc and in this case scenario traditional genealogy is required to start putting together family trees and understanding how the match's family is structured and where you might fit in. In your case this is doubly complex as you don't have that much information about your birth mother OR your birth father and your first job is working out whether any match is on the paternal or maternal line.

So in summary:

proceed with caution and be patient waiting for results
contact matches with a very neutral message to start with
be prepared for them not to contact you in return
get help from a DNA facebook group or professional genealogist if you're confused.

I found a close relative via ancestry, he has since died (sadly due to the pandemic he died before we could meet). We were able to talk on the phone , and I was so delighted to have found him. Neither of us had any idea about the other, he was my first cousin but many decades older than me.
You are likely to get a lot of cousin matches, many around fourth cousins or so, and then some closer. Working out your tree can then get easier as you can rule people in as dna matches. I have found my Gt Gt Gt Grandmother this way, I wasn’t sure which of several women she was, until a dna match helped narrow her down. You can’t rule people out though, as unless you are looking at a close match, you might each not have enough dna to show up. Siblings will show up different cousin matches for this reason, my brother has matches that I don’t and vice versa.

Ancestry does have on it some electoral registers - for example, London to 1965. Even though his name is common, if it isn't John Smith, there is a chance you might narrow down some possibilities, and then see if any of them had four daughters on the BMD indexes. Also the 1939 list, depending on how old he was. You might have some luck that way.

However, at least going down the DNA route, you know any matches are looking for connections, so it won't be such a total shock.

You can download your raw data and share it with lots of the other companies for free
www.yourdnaguide.com/transferring
I've found matches on the other ones and it cost nothing.

I have a very similar story to you OP. Adopted 65, found birth mother in 1994. I joined ancestry and 23 and me
in 2020. Through DNA and a bit of my own detective work I discovered who my father was. I only had his first name from my bio mother!
I met 3 of my brothers (my father’s sons) only last week! Feel free to PM me. I don’t want to share to much personal info on here.

Thanks to everyone who has posted so far. You've all been really helpful and encouraging. Especially the post about how to do the test etc. Hopefully I'll be able to order the test next week and go from there. And I will update if anything comes out.

Have you looked up/searched on line births for the 4 older half sisters using the surname that your birth mother gave you for your birth father? If you have a rough idea where he lived that's even better. The time period is probably guessable for the births.

Hi, I've done this and discovered who my birth father is. I've also helped quite a few people to identify their birth fathers through DNA and genealogy. If you'd like to pm me, I'm happy to help if I can.
Your DNA will take a few weeks to come in but there are things you can do in the meantime.

My dh was able to verify, using Ancestry, that the name given to him as the name of his father was correct.
It took a while.
Because one person on Ancestry didn't reply to a message he sent, it took 18 months longer than it should have, to finally know.
So so worth it for him.
His life long questions were finally answered.

@Dartmoorcheffy did you get anywhere?

So far I've bottled it and not done it. Not got much cash to spare either at the mo so it's on the back-burner.

I’m sure when the time feels right, you will.

I was on Ancestry for a few years with no luck. Then I happened to see a post on MN about transferring DNA to other sites - so I did, not thinking much about it. Within a week I'd found my aunt and a half sister! Long story short I've just returned from California having been warmly welcomed by a (massive) family over there! All in the space of about 6 weeks. Wishing you lots of luck 😊

Out of interest how do you do that ? I am on ancestry .