Family secrets, who am I?

[AlanThePig]

Apologies, this might be long.

My lovely Dad passed away in 2008, my Mum a few years ago. As a child my Father was teased mercilessly for not looking white. He'd tell me about this. At the time a 'foreigner' stood out like a sore thumb in these parts and my Dad was dark with dark curly hair and brown eyes.

I never really thought much of this until recently. I have been watching a TV show with lots of Mexicans in and many remind me for the world of my Dad. Same dark hair, skin tones etc. I guess I'd always questioned if Dad was illegitimate somewhere in the back of my mind, but it really did come to the fore again.

I joined Ancestry and did a little research. Dad was born in April, my Nana married in the December so it was certainly a shotgun wedding. Grandad is listed on the BC as being Dads Father.

Whilst digging up popped a tree from an estranged Aunt, one of Dads sisters and the only family member alive. Her tree lists my Dad as Father Unknown and the rest of the siblings as half brothers and sisters. It floored me a bit. I pondered the idea of contacting her but I feel no good can come from this.

I'm an only child with no close family and the whole thing upset me a bit. To realise that I've always been a 'surname' but now I might not even be related to that 'surname' is an odd feeling. I'm now questioning who I am.

I have ordered a DNA kit to see if that gives me any answers. If my Dad was indeed mixed race then will it show me that I am 25% mixed? Do I stand any chance of finding any relatives from my real Grandfather?

Thanks all.

Romany depending on the outcome of the test I might try and speak to the Aunt, though as I said she's been estranged for 40 years or more so whether she'd even speak to me and if so tell the truth is debatable.

Other than that there is nobody else to ask really.

Alan

I sympathise, my birth family told me lies, my bm even lied on the official documents and made a name up for my bf.
It has been so difficult, but it's hard having such a vital part of your roots missing.
I can understand that some people don't seem to be able to find generations back, I'm the opposite and sadly missing quite a lot of the recent history, my tree is funny with it's empty middle
We should keep this thread going or start another where we keep on another up to date and support each other.
Anyone else up for it?

What's been interesting for me is the spin that the adoption society put on everything.

They massively edited what they told my adoptive parents and equally they edited the information passed to my birth mother too. As I have the paperwork on both sides now, I can see it all.

I often wonder if my birth parents had known that my maternal grand-father was a raging alcoholic, my birth mother had mental health issues, my birth father's family had serious health issues running through it - whether they'd still have found me desirable.

@romanyqueen1 that would be a fabulous idea. Dh bless him doesn't really get it so a support thread would be great.

I think my issue is although my Dads family was large they were quite fractured. Aunt is only sibling of 5 that is living and the closest people to my Nan are all dead too (cousins never really had much to do with her). I do have a diary of Nans but it's after Dad was born and it pretty mundane. I really wish I'd known her as an adult (she died when I was 15) because she really was a free spirit and I'd have loved to know more about her.

I know I shouldn't let this bother me really, I had a loving family and a good childhood, but if Grandad wasn't grandad then I wasn't 'surname' and that really makes me wonder 'then who am I?'

I totally get it my love, it's so frustrating not knowing who you are.
I agree, others don't understand
I started it because I wanted to be at least able to tell dc this is where you came from on my side, but none of them are interested despite 2 of them being grown ups now. Maybe dd will be more interested when she is older.
My dh just wonders what's so appealing about "looking for dead gypsies". He shows a bit of an interest but that's more about general Romany research than family.
I suppose as we get older, like me it keeps the grey matter working and can be a good puzzle at time. I look at it as keeping my mind active

Well, in a roundabout way I think I have answers!

Results came in today and were very specific.

67% to a very specific area of the UK (where I'm from)
30% to a very specific area of Ireland
3% Swedish (not a clue)

I've matched with about 20 cousins but am still trawling through to find out who and where.
The Irish connection is the one thats answered my questions.

My Grandfather (the one who I didn't think was Dad's biological Father) has a rather unusual surname. Googling that surname reveals a huge number of them in one place....the very specific area of Ireland my DNA matched with.

So, it looks like I am exactly who I always thought I was. I'm not sure now whether Aunt was being a bit malicious or if she's made a rogue click on the site and made my Dad her half brother.
Her daughter (my cousin) I have found a marriage certificate for so now I know her married name I might try and find her on Facebook.

Been winding DH up all morning about him having the Swedish Au Pair he wanted all along. 😂

Well done! The interesting thing about DNA is that your results will change from time to time. My dad and me are less Irish than we were in 2018, but he's been pinned down to one area of Ireland.

Today, through searching records, I discovered that the uncle bad-mouthed in my mother's family for abandoning his wife, leading to her having to take in washing to survive, and thence to her daughter dying of chest ailments, didn't actually abandon them. He was a war hero, medals etc, died in 1916. A bit taken aback!

3% Swedish might go back a lot further than you think. To the Vikings possibly. A lot of people in the UK have scandinavian blood somewhere.

I'll take Viking 😂
The whole thing was so much more specific that I could have ever imagined actually, and to find a huge concentration of that surname in that place was a surprise.

Just debating whether to make contact with the Aunt now. Have found what I think is her son on FB so have tentatively sent a message, can't find female cousin on there sadly.

AlanThePig
What company did you use ?
Was it Ancestry ?