Year 12 - 2025/2026: Here we go again!

[QueenMabby]

A new thread for the new school and college year. A friendly thread for parents of those going into year 12 in September 2025.

@TheyNotLikeUsDD prefer the parents there ones. Less feral. And usually have an end time. I think there are sometimes a few parents away out of hand ones but they prefer to avoid those. Some are ‘gatherings’ which are less than 20ish. Some are friends only but then a friend group can be quite large. There is alcohol (well round our way) but perfectly ok not to drink for whatever reason.

Poor DS has had a bit of a rubbish time with school trip opportunities. His Y6 residential was cancelled due to Covid and then there were no trips in Y7/8 for the same reason. The years around him seemed to get extra residential put on to make up for them missing out, but his year got overlooked entirely. Every other trip has fallen outside the remit of what he does - sports tours, Hounduras for biology, Rome for latin etc. So we've got to this stage without him ever having been away without us! He will finally get a chance to go somewhere next year on a physics/maths trip to CERN in Geneva.

V impressed on the maths challenge!

Re trips @mojobrojo pretty much the same for both my DDs. DD1 had NO trips - Covid...and DD2, has, since she moved schools, managed one to Greece for drama. It was a total treat trip (she was doing GCSE but was never going to continue it) but I'd felt sorry for her having none.

The school ski trip has just been cancelled for lack of interest and there was no way we could have afforded most of the others (Sierra Leone, Madagascar, etc...). Her old school never offered expensive trips because there is no way anyone would have afforded them.

To make up for schools lack we tried to book other teen type trips. They both did PGL with our saved up childcare vouchers, then music residentials (ditto).

DD2 is home for half term - well I say home, we've been away to see her big sis at uni, so have explored beautiful Wales in the rain. She's off to (another) orchestra residential next wednesday after which she'll have to go straight back to school so we are making the most of it. Nice to hear her excited about various sixth form things - mainly the English Civil War and Chaucer. Neither things I can get very excited about to be honest, but each to their own!

sorry, deleting because it posted twice

DS has been invited to one party. All his cohort were invited so 70ish bit I think only half went. We dropped him off at a large house with decent garden. They drank, listened to music with a fire pit out in the garden. Think the parents were there but out of the way. It was his first time drinking so we sat him down and told him to take it slowly, drink plenty of soft drinks too. He was fine but at least one girl ended up drunkenly vomiting. I don’t suppose there will be many of these parties as I don’t think many people have the space to host, never mind whether they are willing to.

Ask me this again next Friday 😱 DD going to some large house party in London with friends.

So far it seems to be little to no parental supervision. Alcohol in moderation (fruit cider seems popular) and all relatively tame... or at least in comparison with my memories at similar age! DD isn't interested in boys (or girls) and is surprisingly sensible. We've allowed alcohol at home since she was very young (wine with meals rather than handing her a gin and tonic at 7!)

She's on half-term but has a pretty packed diary of college work and performances so not much rest happening.

There haven't been any parties really for any of them - think it because college is over a wide geographic area.

We seen to have opposite issue to many with trips. DD1 art area A-level has offered three so far none of which she could do.

First clashed with getting DS up to university and needed a hundred pounds immediately at expensive time. Next clashed with another trip for advanced group area met up and got back to next town over at 1 am. Third is just under two thousand next year - what worse did manage it for DD1 related to one of her A-levels but had covid year trips refunds for about half so had more time for rest and was slightly cheaper.

She says she understands and expected it but still feels awful. She did two to France at secondary which is more than I ever got - but her friend on the course has been on two though thrid likely beyond them.

I think DD2 plannin g to meet up with friends next week - as they keep sayng the haven't seen each other.

DD has been to a fair few parties in London. She decided she doesn’t like the drunken ones as apparently there is always at least one person who gets really drunk and then she feels sorry for them and has to babysit them and take turns with others.

I think/hope DD has worked out which parties to avoid that are complete meet markets. She much prefers a quiet gathering of 10 with close friends and just chatting and pizza or bowling or escape rooms or ice skating etc. She doesn’t enjoy kids getting so drunk they make no sense. She is still away on Halloween but back for London fireworks. There can be brawls and fights amongst youths on firework night, but I know her friendship group is very sensible so fingers crossed it will be fine. DD was invited to one amazing party recently (the type that makes it into the press) but sadly (and thankfully) she is away. It would have been too much wardrobe drama. This is a friend of a friend through music whose parents are celerities.

The odd party here and there for dd. Mostly smaller groups at houses. There is alcohol but dd will only have one or two. She went to one last week where there was one drunken vom (not dd!) but otherwise the ones she goes to are pretty tame. The “party section” of her year do do massive house parties with lots of drink (and sex from some of the rumours that fly around!) but she doesn’t go to those. She has a Halloween party later this week.

She’s been invited to an 18th birthday party next month for a friend in the year above. That’s black tie so she’s very excited for that.

@Araminta1003 - dd1 is always the ‘babysitter’. Her friend’s parents love her. Just as well she doesn’t mind vomit though as she’s training to be a nurse.

@QueenMabby unfortunately dd2 has already learned about the ‘tactical vom’ after the prom after party where she had her solo lunchtime concert afterwards. I did not enjoy hearing about it from her friends before she came on to perform but she did fine. There is no justice.

She is tiny and does not know when to stop despite a number of years of ‘sensible glass of wine with a meal’ here. Tonight’s party is with some wild local friends from performing arts school… I’m a little concerned.

From my social experinent of sons vs daughters, girls can’t take as much alcohol as the boys, so they are sick before they are really drunk which seems to keep them in check.

Nearly at new thread time! Not sure how busy it’ll be this morning but I’m heading out to meet a friend for much needed coffee so here’s a link to the new thread for when this one fills up.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/further_education/5432950-year-12-20252026-support-thread-2?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

@achangeofnameisasgoodasarest - hopefully your DD2 learnt her lesson after the prom. Amazing that she could still perform! Does she play a big instrument where she has to have a lot of puff?

@QueenMabby It is same here. DD has some friends who are at the performing arts school who party hard and some friends at private schools with friends whose parents have huge houses where the big parties happen. Most of DD’s actual school friends do not have a massive garden outbuilding and huge garden to dampen the noise, so the gatherings remain small.

And yes to the 18th parties being the big ones! The one DD is missing out on (thankfully) was in a hotel in London.

Interesting comments about parties - DS isn’t social , but the ‘cool’ group at his school have been having big house parties spreading across several local schools , private and state , lots of alcohol - been going on several years already - commutable to London .

He has been on loads of school trips - state grammar ( I’ve lost count ) . His brother though who’s been in state and private hasn’t - he’s only been on a compulsory GCSe trip , most trips on offer are sporty ( he is sporty but not competitive if that makes sense) - his preference is not to stay away from
home - another kid impacted by no yr6 trip due to covid

My theory is that plenty of this current generation do party again, more back to the 90s again. One of DD’s male friends is the party stereotype and even works his part time job in the gym!

“Interesting comments about parties - DS isn’t social , but the ‘cool’ group at his school have been having big house parties spreading across several local schools , private and state , lots of alcohol - been going on several years already - commutable to London .”

@waitingquietly - and that is exactly our experience too. Due to social media, the party goers across various schools find each other, know each other, no longer limited to one school.

The other day DD was talking about preppy, grungy and arty YPs. She considers herself “arty”. I wasn’t sure whether preppy includes sporty or not. I told her best not to label. She also has a bit of an aversion to boys who are sexist - she claims it’s on the rise. She used the term “womaniser” though which was very confusing for me. It’s like they use similar words but the meanings are different. Most of DD’s male friends are extremely lovely though and very considerate and I would say quite gentlemanly and look out for the girls.

Also in London and the vodka and fag parties have been going on for a few years. It’s the wealthier kids who have houses rather than flats and it’s always kids from a few schools. They are all terribly, terribly Kool.

DD says she doesn’t want to go, she could drink what she wants, but isn’t interested and dislikes cigarettes and isn’t interested in drugs. But she’d love to be asked! There’s no social group for those that aren’t the chosen ones and she’s really lonely. I’m so sad for her. I think she’s a lovely kid.

Many find their tribe at uni if not before.

Ah thanks they not , she’s not interested in uni, so has a lot riding on these two years. She’s volunteered for something at schooL and I’m hoping that might help
her find her tribe.

Feeling sad for my DD too as her friendshio group have been invited to 2 different Halloween parties this year, half to one and other half to the other, and her to neither :-(
She won't speak up about it though, and the one friend who has noticed and has shown concern, is going to the party that DD would rather not go to (will have some there who like to drink and this isn't DD's scene). So am trying to come up with something nice to do with her to distract her, but whilst not neglecting her younger siblings who want to go trick or treating.

Oh boo Supersue, it’s miserable isn’t it? I h pe she had fun. DD still loves to take her siblings trick or treating.

@SuperSue77 We had DD1 in tears over Halloween a couple of years ago when she was in Yr 12; "I haven't been invited to a Halloween party and I've got such great costume ideas!" Poor girl, she is so sociable, but had a really rough time with friendship groups at sixth form. However, she is now in her first term at uni, and has more friends than she knows what to do with! She was worried before she went that because she's not a drinker, she would be left out of parties and going clubbing, but that hasn't happened. She'll occasionally have one or two drinks, but she says most nights there's at least a couple of them not drinking, so she doesn't feel like the odd one out. I'm sure better times are ahead for your DD too!

DD2 is going to a Halloween party with her BF, they're going as Forest Gump and Jenny. DD2 isn't a fan of drinking either (I'm an alcoholic, but have been in recovery for many, many years, so they've heard lots of horror stories from my drunken past), and is completely horrified at the idea of getting drunk and either throwing up, or doing something even more mortifying!

@OliveWah huge well done to you & your recovery!
@VegimalCrudite @SuperSue77 I’ve 3 DDs with DD3 in yr12 who goes to lots of parties! She’s 3 this week. In contrast, DD1 has never been to a party. Was never invited to them in Yr11 or 6th form and then did an apprenticeship not uni so has never had that partying experience. I used to worry that she was missing out & lonely but I’ve come to realise that she loves her own company and just isn’t hugely social.

Yes @OliveWah , many congratulations on your recovery, that's no mean feat and so I make no apologises for derailing the thread with this post!

And this thread is done! Thank you everyone for all the lovely support. See you on the next thread!
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/further_education/5432950-year-12-20252026-support-thread-2?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share