Year 13 2024 - General support thread part 2

[Rollergirl11]

All welcome as our young people head in to their last full term before the summer exams. Between UCAS applications, receiving offers/rejections, learning to drive and taking driving tests, revising for mocks and sitting them the pace hasn’t let up for our DC.

This thread has been a lovely supportive and immensely helpful place to talk as we guide our DC’s through this challenging time!

Old thread here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/further_education/4851165-year-13-20232024-general-support-thread?page=40&reply=132323436

Really sorry to hear that @legosnowqueen
What a nightmare you have all had

Fwiw one of DS's friends was in a similar position with revision after he suffered a couple of concussions. He is very bright but failed his mocks because he couldn't learn or remember anything. He withdrew from his offers, took time to recover, redid Y13 and is now well again and very happy in his first year at uni.

Hopefully your DS will start to see an improvement in the next week or two and can stay on track for 24/25.

But if not, if he needs some time to come to terms with what's happened and for things to settle neurologically too, everything will be ok. (Might even help if he avoids the stress of exams and leaving home for a bit until he's fully recovered. Uni while worrying about seizures doesn't sound like much fun for either of you. Not to mention no sport and being teetotal 😱)

But fingers crossed he's back to himself very quickly 🤞

Gosh I’m so sorry to hear what has happened to your poor DS @legosnowqueen
I hope the memory loss is temporary and that school and uni are supportive.
Must have been very scary for you all. All the best to you and your family.

Thank you all for your kind words & support, hugely appreciated.

@stoneysongs that's very interesting & I think where we might end up too. The memory lapses have really shaken DS's confidence & he's very aware that Durham (his firm choice) isn't keen on re-takes. It's also the uncertainty & limbo that makes it difficult...the 40% chance lessens over the 2 year period, so in September he'll still be in the highest risk period of the first 6 months since the first seizure. Whereas in a year's time we may have a clearer picture & if necessary medication etc in place.

I'm sure that school will be very supportive & he doesn't need to make a decision immediately, better to see how the next few weeks play out.

We are still planning to go to the two offer-holder days at the moment, will see how DS feels as they approach.

There is also the flipping lads holiday in June to consider, DS still wants to go at this stage but acknowledges it would be difficult if not impossible for him to not fully participate in partying etc in that environment....but a decision to make nearer the time...I feel so sorry for him.

Hope everyone else has had a drama-free Easter break!

Ahhhh @legosnowqueen I’m so sad for your DS that he will have to curtail all the “rite of passage” events that are part and parcel of finishing college and becoming adults. It doesn’t seem fair when he has already put all the effort in.

Do they know what was the cause of the seizures? Is the 40% over 2 years stats because they are concerned about epilepsy?

@legosnowqueen It's awful for him - I would definitely be most upset about the holiday at his age. (Still remember our post A level trip to Weymouth 😂)

If it's abroad it may be worth looking into how insurable he is and at what cost, as that might help with the decision-making.

@legosnowqueen that all sounds horrible for your DS and for you. I don’t have direct experience of issues like that in year 13 but my DS was diagnosed with a chronic condition in August 2023 before going to uni in September. He’s been hospitalised twice since then and it is really hard. It’s difficult when he’s away trying not to worry and tbh I’m glad he’s only about an hour away by train.

He went on holiday to Amsterdam in early September last year with his friends who I think were taking full advantage of all that Amsterdam has to offer. Suspect DS wasn’t as much although he did enjoy himself.

I've found Facebook groups for DS's condition have been very useful as there’s lots of people going through similar (and also a specific one for parents of children with it).

I hope school is helpful with making a decision about how to deal with the forthcoming exams.

@legosnowqueen I wish I could do more than just send my best wishes for your son’s recovery. I hope you receive the advice, support and cooperation from the school and universities involved to be able to work out a plan that works for your family. Look after yourselves.

Thanks again for the great support.

@Rollergirl11 there is no clarity on the cause of the seizures, & no diagnosis of epilepsy, but if DS has another seizure it will be diagnosed/treated as epilepsy. The renal consultant thought that the temporary kidney damage was caused by having the two seizures in quick succession. The neurologist disagreed & thought it was most likely that a kidney infection caused the seizures. So we have no clue. Tiredness & alcohol are apparently common triggers - there was no partying the previous weekend but DS did work 2 very long shifts at the restaurant & was very tired on the Monday & Tuesday, which we put down to a hard slog term plus the long shifts.

DS did have an MRI, CT scan & ECG & thankfully there was no evidence of a brain tumour, brain swelling or bleed, or heart problem as a potential cause.

@stoneysongs he does have holiday insurance & the neurologist said no reason not to go, but I do think it will be hard to go & not fully participate plus it puts quite a lot of responsibility on his mates. We'll see.

@MirandaWest sorry to read about your DD, that must be hard & I guess we are thinking along those lines too, well done to him for persevering (& resisting!). Unbelievably the neurologist actually suggested that DS considered taking up Amsterdam style alternatives to drinking...

@legosnowqueen how awful for your DS and what a worry for you.

It is unbelievable that the consultant has suggested 'Amsterdam style' alternatives. How ridiculous.

My DH started to get epileptic seizures at a similar age to your son. He does drink but limits it to small amounts. He needs to get a lot of sleep.

His epilepsy is well controlled with medication provided he also looks after himself drink/ sleep wise.

Hopefully there will be no further seizures for your son though x

@legosnowqueen. What a horrible time for you and your family. I do hope your ds continues to improve and has no long lasting effects. Sending unmumsnetty hugs and .

Totally agree that a discussion with school will probably give your ds a steer and some options for the future. There's still time. Might be worth ringing Durham admissions for his subject too and chatting through options with them. They may also have some advice.

@legosnowqueen, I'm truly sorry to hear this has happened to your ds. This must be a very worrying time for you all especially coming out of the blue like this. Wishing you lots of strength to get through the next few months. I think I'd be inclined to let ds rest and look at the possibilities around taking yr 13 again but I guess that also comes with its own issues. Virtual unmumsnetty hug to you.

Thanks lovelies, you're all so kind 

@lifeturnsonadime thank you for sharing your experience, it is reassuring to read, although of course must have been a shock for your DH & his family at the time.

@MirandaWest apologies I referred to your DS as DD in error & can't edit on the iPad x

@legosnowqueen I am so sorry to hear about your boy- what a horrible thing to happen. I hope recovery continues and that the unis can understand the situation- surely, with such exceptional circumstances. Sounds like he's being very brave.

DD is back to school tomorrow. Think in her history lesson they will be writing an essay about Elizabeth I - she has been doing quite a bit of work but I think she’s been struggling with motivation a bit. It is a difficult time with lots of things coming to an end and wondering how friendships will last etc. DDs main concern last night seemed to be how the after part of prom will work….

Wishing your son all the best @legosnowqueen.
@MirandaWest glad she has her priorities straight! It seems one needs a brave parent to host an after party - my son's was at a house with a 'party barn' and she paid for a clean up crew after! My DD doesn't drink and no one offered to host so no after party which was fine.

@legosnowqueen so sorry to hear about your son. Wishing him the very best as he recovers. And hoping school is super helpful in facilitating his navigation of decision-making regarding redoing Yr 13 vs taking his A Levels this academic year.

Mitigating circumstances allowance for exam papers (isn't it only about 5%?) isn't really enough though to cover an A* / A grade potential young person if they are dealing with brain fog and confidence crisis in the wake of a health emergency? Not with only a matter of weeks between hospitalisation and the exam period starting?

@legosnowqueen what an awful thing to happen, I hope his recovery continues swiftly, and at such a difficult time.

Gosh @legosnowqueen What a dreadful thing to go through. I hope that the school, universities and everyone else can help with this, and that your DS makes a full and rapid recovery.

Just to update, we had a good meeting with school this morning. They did the risk assessment for DS's return to school & then discussed options & the best way forward.

DS will not take his A levels this year, instead will move back to year 12, do the year 12 mocks in June, then repeat year 13. He will do the year 12 mocks to re-cover that content, but school will not change his predicted UCAS grades (unless they are better). They were of the view that repeating the year in these circumstances was better than potentially underperforming in the exams & then retaking them next year, both from a stress for DS perspective & presentationally from a university entry perspective.

In the meantime, they will contact Durham to see if they are willing to roll the offer forward under the exceptional circumstances. They suggested that they do this rather than me, for added credibility & to reassure that this isn't a student who hasn't worked hard enough.

They were very sensitive about giving DS time to recover, so he doesn't have to go in for morning registration if he doesn't have a lesson afterwards, for example. They also made sure DS was completely comfortable with the decision to retake the year.

I can still hardly believe we're in this situation but this feels like the best way forward under the circumstances, protecting DS's recovery & hopefully his future plans.

I feel really sad to be dropping behind you all on the journey, but will stay on the thread to see how your DCs get on & get some tips for next year! Thanks again for the great support, not just now but through the various trials & tribulations x

Thanks for updating @legosnowqueen

Your DS must really feel like he's had the rug pulled from under his feet, but I'm glad he's happy with the solution. It sounds like the right one too, as I said, it worked out really well for DS's friend, he had plenty of time to recover and got good grades in his A levels. It sounds like the school is being super supportive which is great. I hope the unis agree to keep his offers valid for another year so that he doesn't have to reapply and can focus on getting better and his schoolwork.

Please do stay and let us know how he gets on - I'm sure there are plenty on the thread whose DC are deferring or reapplying anyway so not everyone will be off to uni this year.

So good to hear how supportive the school are being. I hope that DS in time will be able to find some benefits in the extra year. There’s an interesting thread about the benefits of an extra year before uni on the HE board at the moment.

My own DS was seriously ill in Y9 and his school were exceptional. It’s good to know that when the chips are down that help and support is there.

And yes you must stay! Who knows how many more of our DC may take another year before going to uni.

I am glad school are being supportive Lego and there is a path forward. Hope he continues to recover and that Durham are also helpful.

That's good news @legosnowqueen . So now your son can focus short-term on his continuing recovery. Fingers crossed that Durham allows him to defer for a year.

Please stay on the thread too. I will be one with a DC who is not off to uni until autumn 2025.

Sorry if this has already been discussed, but how much revision are your year 13s realistically doing? Mine did 3 hours yesterday but that was a particularly good day. He's doing max 2 hours most days. It doesn't seem much for me given that he needs 3 As.

DD has ramped it up this holidays. Prior to that we were lucky if she did 2 hours on school days. She’s now averaging about 4 -4.5 solid hours, and on some days has done 5-5.5. This seems about her maximum and she does work slowly.

Yesterday she spent the whole revision time on one very small topic - she watched endless videos on it that were starting to drive me mad!! (I WFH and she likes to sit at the table opposite me for the company). But it was worthwhile as it was an area she really didn’t get and she does now. She is finding it quite frustrating that the revision aids eg text books etc contradict each other and offer different explanations and descriptions so she is spending quite a lot of time working out what it is she actually needs to know. I wonder if a better teacher/school would offer better revision/text books. That she is having to work extra hard to get the information she needs seems a bit much.

TBH I wouldn’t compare. DD has found Y13 content tough and definitely switched off for a bit so did less earlier in the year. Some DC have photographic memories and find retaining information easy. DD really struggles with this and is constantly bemoaning that she is working harder than her friends but they are getting better grades.

They all use the same revision tracking app so they compete with each other - and no one wants to be bottom of the table consistently. I’m aware though that although the app tracks the time, it doesn’t track the minutes she is staring into space, having a “quick look at my messages”, loo breaks, “just getting a banana” etc etc!