It still feels strange to say kind things about myself as i am one of those children who were let down, excessive trauma (and personally have no issue with the word damaged- i was, and still am to some extent, damaged. In the literal sense of the word, my ability to cope, to grow normally, to be able to feel safe, to trust, to feel joy love and sadness safely, we're indeed all damaged. My adulthood as a result created a damaged individual emotionally) anyway had I had been put in foster care with someone like you, i may not have had such trauma.
Anyway my point is it feels strange to be kind enough to myself to admit that yes, i am an excellent mother. He saved my life and gave me a reason to not only live, but also to begin the healing process.
Without our foster lady, we wouldn't be where we are today. She loved him when i couldn't. She cared for him when i couldn't. She met his physical and emotional needs when i couldn't. She worked hard and handled her broken heart so beautifully for mine and my sons sake, so heroically, during the transition back to my care. She went above and beyond to introduce him back into my care when we went into a mother and baby unit. And above and beyond again in creating with all of us and professionals, a slow but needed visit schedule which eventually tapered off in order to lessen the shock for us both. Which was many two hour round trips to where we were out of her own pocket as not only are the payments low anyway, but she was no longer his foster carer so not getting paid these costs. She even brought her biological sons which made me feel so proud that she trusted me as im sure you know yourself not all mums in my situation are calm and safe. It meant a lot to me. They brought christmas presents and love.
Ill never forget the day, so early on, when i wasnt sure if i could do it. She told me she had made local authority aware that she will adopt him. I fell to the floor in relief, knowing that no matter what happened, he would go to a home where he was deeply loved.
She had us to her home with her family for Christmas. We have been on days out. She came to a little one year birthday party i had for my son at a soft play with her sons and a birthday gift. She asked me what he would like for Christmas and bought it.
All these costs add up. And she also has now a baby with down syndrome she is fostering so she has even more costs and nowhere near enough funding. All this for the love of my son. So anyone talking about people doing it for the money can get to fuck.
I have no friends and family. And so her pure and unconditional love, in her words "i couldn't have loved him more if he was my own", also meant that she gave my son what he has cruelly been deprived of due to a toxic "non" family i no longer have contact with. And that was the love of family, regardless of blood ties or lack of.
There's probably loads more i could say but i wanted to tell you all the things that women like you do for women like me and our babies.
From the other side, like i said, from big to small i can tell you that every decision you make, and care and love you give, means more than you will EVER know. Ever. And so, like you said, people like me and my son are the reason you do this. And for that reason i will offer you one piece of advice if i may.
Whatever anyone says negatively about foster carers, let it go over your head. Remember the stories of all those children and babies you loved. The ones you adopted. Remember my story. Remember why you are doing this. And fuck them. If they add nothing to your life, their opinions aren't worth a damn.
And for what it's worth, i wish i had been fostered or adopted by someone like you or my sons foster mum. Undoubtedly my life would have taken a much better turn with love, a lack of fear and violence, and kindness.
I wish you well xx