Birth child is two. Is she too young to start fostering?

[Binxybo]

Just a throwaway comment made by MIL that our own dd is two young for us to start fostering. She’s two. I didn’t really consider her age in all of this. I am a stay at home mum so have the time. I wouldn’t have considered it if I had still been working. We have the space and the time so I don’t see why not.

You again with the same question!

You're asking for advice on numerous threads now, getting it in spades but ignoring it all because it doesn't fit with your rose-tinted view of life.

Please - for your own child's sake - LISTEN to what people with way more experience in this field are telling you.

Don't put your desire to foster above the needs of your own child. The child's needs come first.

Everyone, on multiple threads you've posted, has told you that this is not a good idea for your daughter and should not happen until she's much older but you've ignored it all so yeh, go ahead and foster right now.
Potentially traumatise and emotionally scar your daughter for life because it's what you really want. Have fun!

Foster carer of over 10 years, there’s no way I would have fostered while my children were young. I waited until my youngest was 13.
Your child should come first. When you foster the foster child comes first.
Why would you want to share your time with another child when yours is so young? You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy this time, it goes so fast.

Yes, she is far far far too young.

I'd say under 12 is too young. Fostering will almost certainly have a negative impact on your child to some extent. Especially if the foster child is older than a toddler and/or from a troubled or abusive background.

Fostering when you have a small child will absolutely be to the detriment of your own child. Please speak to some people who have fostered.

I know you're doubting what people are saying, both on this and the other thread, and it's lovely how optimistic you are. But honestly you have no idea how gruelling, at times soul destroying, and life altering fostering can be.

Truly I would say wait until your child is ideally 16.

I’m not sure why you would want to introduce trauma into your baby’s life. Just enjoy her infant years OP. It goes so fast and you only get one chance. If you are looking for a sibling for your LO fostering isn’t it.

Why have you started a second thread? On the last time you’re a part time care assistant, on this you don’t work.

why are you so determined not to take into account your own kids needs?

I'm sure you realise many foster children but not all come with baggage of abuse and neglect from to their past. They need souch time, love and care to help them in settle. I took a 6 year old who had already been in 5 placements before he came to me. He has complex needs and learning disability. It takes me full time, DH part time and older 2 adult sons still living at home who used to take him out to zoo and McDonalds to make him feel he was getting enough love and attention. He is 16 now, much more secure, very settled but still needs constant love and attention. My youngest was 13 when foster son was 6. It worked well because my DC were happy to share me with foster son. Not all children can cope with this.

I think you risk seriously damaging your own child's early childhood and your motives seem suspect as it seems to be about you and the child you once we're, rather than the child you have or the foster child.

You also seem to ignore all advice being given.

I do think you'd benefit from talking to the foster agency to get their take.

Comparing fostering to a second baby is ridiculous!

When she’s old enough to:

• tell you accurately and clearly if she’s been harmed or bullied
• not believe lies eg ‘Don’t tell your mum I did this or I’ll kill her’
• not tell lies out of jealousy
• protect herself physically in a fight
• not be devastated if someone she considers a sibling disappears from her life forever
• cope with any revelations her foster sibling may make about eg sexual abuse.

I’d say bring up your own child first then foster when they’re an adult.

Very gently OP, the very strong impulse to foster whilst your daughter is so young is something you might like to explore with your therapist. I’m wondering if you’re aligning and identifying emotionally with future foster children who you feel are deserving or even more deserving of your time than your own child ,albeit subconsciously. The differences in your childhood, where it seems generationally people have struggled to parent, and your DD’s childhood which seems very secure must seem very apparent to you and sometimes we need help to come to terms with that.
I’ve read your other thread and you make the same points repeatedly about why this is a good time and thing for you but not really taking on the points about the impact of your DD, or even the why you would want her to have to experience sharing her mother, sharing her childhood, all of that.
Maybe focusing on the work on yourself might be good prep work for thinking about fostering down the line.

This is very wise advice

Im a foster carer and have a toddler birth child. We fostered before she came along.
There is no denying it can be difficult and challenging however it is possible.
I think it would have been more difficult had we not already been fostering for several years before we had her.
Feel free to message me if you have any specific questions.
However I agree that you would be best talking to you LA. The approval process is long and at times intrusive, for good reason, and if they feel that the timing isn't right or your aren't suitable for any other reason they will explain why and offer advice on any steps you can take to possibly foster in the future.

Maybe post the same thing on a few more sections on MN
You may get the validation you want

me and my husband started fostering 2 asylum seeking teenagers while having a 1 year old. And I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions we have made. Two years on, It enabled me to be a stay at home mum and we had the time and space available, also we’ve always wanted a large family but wouldn’t be having anymore of our own due to complications, so it’s turned out perfectly.

my DD loves her “brothers” and they do nothing but add to her life and experiences. Obviously we were very cautious as to what children we would accept. But our SSW was great at advising and finding full profiles on the children prior.

It’s honestly the most rewarding and exciting time for our family and I would highly recommend.

@LoisWF what safeguarding measures have you put in place? Are the male teens ever alone with your daughter? You have a tiny helpless girl who can't even tell you if someone hurt her growing up around teenage boys who entered your life as complete strangers.

Obviously There is full safeguarding in place that is regularly reviewed. This is the case for every foster child. No foster child should be left alone with birth children under 12, this is a standard safeguarding precaution. The whole point of fostering is to welcome children into your home and family. So your comment is very obnoxious. Our daughter’s favourite part of the day is welcoming the boys home from school. And is very vocal about her love for her “brothers”. Also, they both lost their siblings due to the Taliban attacks and are extremely grateful to be welcomed into our family and see our daughter grow up and view her as their sister, spoiling her with treats and attention. The whole experience has been extremely rewarding for all.

Is this your thread as well OP? www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4706592-mil-reaction-to-our-proposal-to-begin-fostering-children-aibu-to-find-this-upsetting