Fostering a relative’s child

[Countthosestitches]

I have recently found out that a relatives child has been taken into care. He is a similar age to my own DC and has previously spent time with them at a family members house, but we haven’t been in touch recently, mainly due to covid but also because his parents and grandmother have all be struggling to look after him and didn’t respond to messages from me when I offered help and support.

I’d like to look into fostering him myself but don’t have any experience of this. Would his family have had to have recommended me? I’m not actually a foster carer but would happily look into becoming one for my family member.

Thank you.

dressupinyou

There was a substantial check each month, not that we were doing it for that reason.

Perhaps you're not fully aware of how different areas operate.

Don't believe everything you read on MN, OP. Fostering of any kind is desperately under-resourced and you may find yourself very isolated no matter what route you go down.

dressupinyou

Also...nothing seemed to be done by the book despite the impression given in the LAC reviews. Boxes were ticked in a manner that made them pretty useless.

For example, a different social worker, complete stranger to the child, turned up each week and disappeared into her bedroom with her to ask her questions. She found it extremely invasive. I don't even think they were all female. They would probably trot out all sorts of formal language to describe it everything that happened and describe it as safeguarding or support - it was not normal, appropriate behaviour and our foster child didn't feel comfortable having a different adult in her bedroom every week.

We did have (brief) weekly respite at our request. It was a case of meet our request or put a fairly young child in a children's home, so they said.

So, yeah. Whatever you think it was, I think it was the formal version and that is as good as it gets in our area.

As PPs have said there are quite a few different types of family/relative/known person carers. Really depends on whether the DC has LAC status (Local Authority hold PR and usually have to provide funding) depending on the way things happened if its voluntarily/Court order

I think if DC is LAC it would likely be Connected Persons (Funding from LA), if LA are looking for a more permanent placement they will likely push to change it to Special Guardianship Order or a Child Arrangement Order if there is a possible family member as these are cheaper.

If DC isn't LAC then would likely be private fostering/kinship (No Funding from LA), again if LA are looking for a more permanent placement they will likely push for Special Guardianship Order or Child Arrangement Order - a SGO can provide financial support (Not sure about a CAO) but only if pre-agreed before order is made, not paid until order is made and is means tested (Just my experience)

I went through the long, intrusive assessments (Think there were two, initial viability assessment then much more indepth SGO assessment) with my two (Non-LAC) nephews, everyone thought I was crazy as I was mid/late 20's, no DC & male - best decision I've ever made though but it was tough dealing with the long period (mine was 11months as it was a big case and large sibling group) of assessments/court/meetings, but thankfully the SWs dropped us fast, on paper its 3 months but got 1 visit a month after SGO and that was it. I had no training, they did send me on a 12 week parenting course as a SW mentioned it on my viability assessment so they had to but apparently I didn't need it and actually missed the last 2 weeks due to court and sw meetings.

If you think you can help I would contact Childrens Services and put yourself forward, then you might get a chance to talk about what has happened, what if anything is needed. I remember a SW telling me they needed the actual person to put themselves forward and couldn't take recommendations from others - probably to avoid the LA theoretically "placing" DC and then having to provide financial support at the beginning.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

There would still be a full SGO assessment and possibly a fostering assessment at the same time.

There wouldn't be both. The SGO assessment is a fostering assessment for connected carers.

No it isn't. Fostering and Special Guardianship are different and are often assessed alongside each other.

Fostering and Special Guardianship are different and are often assessed alongside each other.

Where are you that a local authority would subject people to an SG assessment AND a fostering assessment at the same time? That would be insanely intrusive and gruelling and for what purpose? An SGO carer isn't a foster carer. If they are being assessed for SG they aren't being proposed to foster. Both foster carers and SGO carers go to fostering panel at the end of the assessment but they wouldn't have both assessments to present at once. That would be utterly pointless. Why would any local authority do that? Double resources for one thing!

Well for one thing, it won’t be evident that a child will need to be placed on an SGO at the outset, when they’re in need of a foster placement. Usually it would go child removed > placed in local authority foster care or assessment of family/friend for temporary registration as a carer > full assessment for registration as a connected foster carer. All alongside assessments of the parents and child and then a decision about permanence made some months down the line. Court may direct viability assessments of other family and friends who could potentially be Special Guardians and that would run alongside the court proceedings. If a connected carer is then persuaded to become a special guardian then no doubt a lot of information gathered for their fostering assessment would be relevant but it would be a slightly different focus, because SG is about permanence, and looking at how the SG might be able to meet long term needs, manage family contact, sustain the placement financially, and decide what practical and financial support might be required to meet the child’s needs. So it wouldn’t be surprising to see two different assessments on file depending on the child’s route into the Special Guardian’s care.

I do know all that. I've been a social worker for a long time.

If a connected carer is then persuaded to become a special guardian then no doubt a lot of information gathered for their fostering assessment would be relevant but it would be a slightly different focus

If a child is placed with a family member they will be assessed, the decision will be made early on following viability whether it's a connected person assessment or a special guardianship assessment. They wouldn't have a separate fostering assessment. If they are special guardians they would be assessed as such.

Essentially, the point is that the carers would have one assessment. It would be presented to panel with the agreed care plan which with relatives would likely be special guardianship. They would not have two assessments running concurrently.

@notacooldad

I really don't want to sound negative because fostering can be a great expierence for some people. It can also be awful and many young people that I work with come to the service I work for because placements ( especially family ones) break down. We have had children brought to us by the police in the middle of the night because placements have broken down

Just rhetorical questions but things to think about are why the child needs fostering. How will it impact your child? Is it going to be a long term arrangement. Do the parents accept that fostering is the right thing to do.
You don't say how old your child is but will the child have been raised in a similar way with the same boundaries. If not that can cause friction a, with the child that has never had boundaries and b your own child who may think their family member gets preferential treatment.

Another thing to consider is how the parents would feel. Sometimes they are really open to it but I have seen cases where they are resentful that you 'have their child'.

I'm not suggesting any of these things will happen and I'm not wanting to be condensending or anything but it is a huge thing to do if it is going to be a long term thing and it is things that I have encounted over the years.

There are of course some brilliant success stories as well. I just want you to go into this with your eyes wide open.

I wanted to foster my nephew many years ago but DH said no and in reflection he was right. However my nephew was early teens and had been arrested many times, had been free to come and go as he pleased and there was no way he would have respected our rules. DS who was 2 years younger would have been influenced by him. It would have been very complicated.

This. Please think very carefully. If several family members have struggled to raise him, what impact will he have on your own family, in particular, your children.

I'm not saying don't do it, But do listen carefully to why his existing arrangements broke down and don't naively think he will fit right in and life will be straightforward. And ask your children how they feel. It will have a massive impact on their lives. They should have a say in the decision.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

I do know all that. I've been a social worker for a long time.

If a connected carer is then persuaded to become a special guardian then no doubt a lot of information gathered for their fostering assessment would be relevant but it would be a slightly different focus

If a child is placed with a family member they will be assessed, the decision will be made early on following viability whether it's a connected person assessment or a special guardianship assessment. They wouldn't have a separate fostering assessment. If they are special guardians they would be assessed as such.

Clearly I'm not going to answer your previous question about the LA. Let me assure you though, this twin planning and assessment is not unusual.

Seriously think about the impact this will have on your own children.
What happens when the relative hurts your own children?
How will your own children react when all the child’s relatives turn up at Christmas with bags of presents?
When the adult relatives want to have their input on how you bring him up?
Then the comments about the money will start.
This is a very difficult situation which needs a lot of thought head over heart,
Good luck

Thanks for all your comments. I havent yet contacted social services to put myself forward as I think I need to spend the weekend giving it more thought based on what a few of you have said.

I'll be honest and say I hadn't thought enough about the possible effects on my own children. I would also prefer to speak to my sister to understand better what's happened to help me decide whether I could offer the necessary support.