Approved foster carers

[Simpaul2601]

Hey guys, so my partner and I recently got approved as foster carers and I thought I would start this to create a place where we can help eachother, share ideas and pretty much guide eachother through this adventure. If anyone has any questions, anxieties or worries please post here and we can help eachother. Whether you are at the beginning or the end we would like to hear your opinions.

Great idea, nice to have a place to share such an important time and be able to share suggestions/advice. Also been approved recently and looking forward to the next part of the journey.

dont be in a hurry to get a placement. Hold out for the right placement.

Hey I've worked with LAC teenagers for 26 years (as a social worker) and I am also a Foster carers 'helper'.

I'd agree with the advice above - wait for the right placement.

I'd also suggest that you take the PIR with a pinch of salt. It is rare that they are a objective reflection of a child.

Also don't underestimate how damaged a child can be, even at a very young age.

Very hard to know what what a right placement is until you try it, new to this so all I can do is go with my gut and hope it's the right decision.

Hi, have you had any placement meetings yet, we had one but it fell through.

By wait for the right placement I think they mean make sure it fits in with your family.
My first offer was for a 13 year old girl when my son was 15. This didn’t feel right for me.
I also know of a carer who took 3 children. They had baby in their room and couldn’t open the wardrobe because of the cot. They had 2 birth children, dad had company car, mum couldn’t drive so days out, school drops, contact visits etc were impossible.
Little things like that need to be thought about as the first few months can be very stressful anyway.

A key factor to consider is the practicality of contact arrangements. Our first placement had contact 4 times a week. As it was very local this wasnt too great a burden but on our second placement contact was 25 miles away so you can see how this could have combined and been very time consuming. Similarly if school is a long way say you will take but only if they provide a taxi at least one of the ways ie in orning or afternoon.

My fc was in a school 16 miles away, that was 32 miles in the morning and 32 in the afternoon. They were only 4.
My own children were able to make their own way to school thankfully.
My whole day revolved around dropping off and picking up, also had to factor the contact in too.
Was in the middle of winter so involved driving in the cold and dark.
Not very nice for either of us.

That's very difficult when schools are so far away , was it just short term then?
We have a possible placement next week, it will be our first, short term, not sure what to expect given that the info given is very brief! Wait and see I guess.

It is sometimes very diifficult when you have children who have just been removed from parents. If they are not known to social services then you will just have age and sex of children and location of school. We had a sibling group of 3 which we took on this basis and in fact didnt even know their names until 5 mins before they arrived. LA were desperate to place them and this put us in a strong position to insist on taxis taking them to school every morning. Your position is at itrs strongest before accepting the placement. Once they arrive you have minimal negotiation position.

Yes, this was short term, intention was to return home after further assessments, still here 9 years later and staying forever!
I did 2 years of that school run, cost me a fortune and my poor children had to grow up quickly.
As f0stercarer said,before you accept the child is the time to get things sorted out.
Our hearts very much ruled our head with our child. We missed out on £1000s and emotional support by not being well informed and although we certainly don’t foster for money it would have made our lives a lot easier if we would have received it.

Thank you for your advice and for sharing your experience. I hope others share also as this will really help new carers like myself .

I have been fostering for 4 and a half years. I have learned so much during that time. I have 4 children of my own and 5 grandchildren and I teach in a secondary school. You would think I would easily cope with fostering, but it is completely different from my previous experiences with children and has been harder than anything I have done before. I would really like to be able to support other people who are becoming foster carers and help them avoid some of the mistakes my husband and I made. The most important thing to have, to my mind is ongoing support. You will need someone to talk to and you will quickly discover that other foster carers are the only other people who really understand. Family members want to help, social workers tend to focus (understandably) on the well-being of the children, foster parents get it!

This is a great thread! We are going on our Skills to Foster course in January and hope to be approved in time to be ready for placements by Spring/Summer.

Just reading some of the posts here gives me a better idea of the reality and some of the issues which can be avoided (as well as those which are inevitable!).

We are looking to foster 0-5 and would ideally like longer term placements. I am self employed and can pick up work as and when.

Would love to hear from foster carers about what made the right placement for them so I can start to think about what we should be looking for.

Taking some short term placements first might help you realise what is important to you without you having made a long commitment to a placement that isnt right.

Thank you @f0stercarer that's really helpful advice. I feel like I won't know what's 'right' until I get some experience under my belt. Also, 0-5 is a huge range in terms of age and stage and I have no idea how much my kids will react.

Just to warn you that if you’re fostering the 0-5 year olds the plan is highly unlikely to be long term fostering care they will be looking for adoption. Possibly exceptions if they have a high level of additional needs but generally that’s what happens.

Also would strongly advise not fostering similar age children to your birth children - I always look for a two year gap ideally. It just creates too many comparisons and competition for both the foster child and your birth child and they’re more likely to fall out.

Younger children usually have quite a lot of contact with their parents(especially babies) so before you agree to the placement make sure that you have agreed how this is going to be arranged. Your day can easily be spent travelling to and from contact centres at times that may not be suitable to you.

Foster2020 Has your child arrived yet?
My social worker said there are very few referrals coming through at the moment as they are trying not to move children around.
Hopefully they are offering the families a lot of support and the children aren’t being left without anyone keeping an eye on them

Hi apologies not been back to respond, the time has just flown by, we have taken our first placement. I would of thought I was stronger than I am. Its an emotional rollercoaster my heart breaks for this child as I try to be strong for them and support them, christmas time just makes it so much more difficult with phone calls to mum, tears at being apart it's just heart breaking. Aside from this and overall general day to day is going well. I'm glad of the age difference between the child and my youngest as they are getting along well. It was initially a emergency placement but now looks as though it will be a couple of months so child will have to move schools.

Oh I’ve been reading these posts with interest as someone who is still in the ‘do I, don’t I’ stage of becoming a foster Carer. I’m just fishing at the moment and trying to get as much I information as possible before I possibly apply.
Keep the experiences coming and thank you x

My own advice to anyone starting out is try not to feel manipulated into a situation you don’t want. The 2 children I have were meant to be here short term. I wanted to be a short term carer (by that I mean I was expecting things to take a couple of years in some cases but eventually for the children to move on) but SS dragged their feet finding a long term placement for my two and we ended up keeping them. They’ve now been here nearly seven years and although they’re settled and happy I feel almost broken by the younger one’s behaviour and a bit of a shell of who I used to be. I’ve also had my own child who I have to constantly watch because I don’t quite trust one of my foster children with her and though he loves her he would have been much better being the baby of the family, but she was a little surprise as we had thought we probably couldn’t have any. With hindsight I would have hardened my heart and pushed for them to move on, which was the original plan.

Thank you for this thread. I was approved for fostering as a single carer just before Christmas. Started getting referrals in January. During my assessment period I did give a preference for 4-10 years of age. Had four referrals all have been children 12 -14. I was told today by my SSS to have a word with myself. I feel I was being pressured into excepting a child that I felt was not right for me. SSS said I was being too cautious and nervous and have too start somewhere. The whole conversation made me feel awful. Am I being unreasonable holding out as I want my first FC to be right that fits into my family routine. I work part time currently furloughed and offer childcare for my 2 grandchildren. I felt I was being pushed to except a placement that clearly felt wrong for me due to the age. I understand it's going to be a big change and FC will bring lot's of challenges. As it's my first placement I want it to be right.

I suggest you speak to your sw and ask why you are being referred placements outside of your given criteris.. Can you speak to the placements team direct ? Check what criteria they have for you. Presumably you spent a long time during the assessment and panel process to decide what an ideal placement would be. Stick to your guns. I was constantly bombarded with unsuitable placements for 9 months but stuck it out. So many f/c have a miserable time because they took a placement that was totally unsuitable.