Initial appointment fostering - - they were less than encouraging

[Waytooearly]

I had an initial appointment for fostering today.

I'm divorced, own a nice flat, work full time as a lawyer, and I want to foster. For a long time I didn't bother applying but then I saw adverts saying single carers welcome.

She was very dubious about my plan to continue work as a lawyer and be a Foster carer. I appreciate of course a Foster child will need way more support than your average child. I can go to consultancy work but even then she was like, "Okay but what if you have to be in court but your Foster child needs you?"

My office is full of working parents, and single parents. We are family friendly. However if I make the transition to part time or bank work to accommodate a placement, but then that placement breaks down, then I would be broke.

Is it just not something that single working people can do?

Hi OP. I’m with an agency that stipulates at least one carer has to be a foster carer FT - as a couple I mean. Not sure what their rules are for single carers, but TBH fostering is a Full time vocation. And I mean full time as in 24 hours a day, seven days a week, Christmas Day, the lot.

You may be asked to attend meetings with social workers, drive child to contact with parents 3 times a week (that’s what we have with one of ours at the moment) plus do training (compulsory), attend PEP, LAC reviews etc etc.

And that’s not taking into account you may get a child who needs a massive amount of support from you emotionally. You might need to take them to therapy, health appointments. The list goes on!

I appreciate your predicament and wanting to carry on with your legal career, but I’ve got to say, that’s going to be really tough to do.

I’m a freelance writer and have managed to carry on doing that. My DP is an artist and he too gets a few bits of work. But honestly, our main vocation is fostering, it’s got to be.

I’m an adopter, with a baby grandchild in foster care at the moment. And several friends are foster carers.
I think working in an office as a foster carer would be impossible. Working from home might just be possible, depending on the age of the child.
I took a year off adoption leave when i had my girls - they were nearly five and nearly eight. Then went back to work part time. Then five years ago took voluntary redundancy and haven’t worked since as the youngest at 15 still needs a heck of a lot of input.
As a foster carer there will be a lot of meetings you’ll need to attend, with social workers, school etc, and you will probably have to take the child to contact with birth family several times a week.
The child may have health problems, emotional and behavioural problems, or developmental delay.
There will be LAC medicals, possibly Camhs appointments, etc, and you can’t just put them in nursery. There would need to be settling in periods first.
If they go on to be adopted, there are introductions to their new family over a week or so for babies, two weeks for older children, and you need to be around for that.
And there is ongoing training you’d need to do.
Don’t underestimate how damaged sone of these children are, and how exhausting caring for them can be.
So work would be, I think, near enough impossible.
I think foster carers get paid an allowance for the times between one child departing and the next arriving.

Cross post with Puppy

Thanks.

I could just live off the fosterng allowance, but then of course f the placement breaks down I'd be broke.

So it's not really something a single person could do unless they're independently rich.

No. Or retired. Foster caters need to be pretty much FT hands on.

As pp have said, foster care is generally a full time responsibility, not something that can fit around a demanding out-of-the-home job. It's not really comparable to 'normal' parenting given the high needs of the kids and the additional tasks, meetings etc.

Although it's inadequately paid (generally) it is a job, so no - a single person working full time couldn't really do it.

The matching process is tricky, but there are LOTS of children who need foster carers. Depending on your profile, your location, your circumstances, you may find you don’t have big gaps between placements and it could work for you in terms of making it your new “career” that actually pays the mortgage or whatever.

It’s a different way of life, but if you have the determination to give it a go, there’s every chance you could succeed. All I was saying is, I don’t think there’s any way you can just carry on being a FT lawyer too.

Okay, thanks.

Can't help thinking that could have been made a bit clearer in their literature, and when I called.

As I've said, I'm not looking to continue as full time lawyer. I'm willing to go to to part time work. But even that won't work.

Fostering is a full time job really. I wouldn’t think you could do it even alongside part time professional work. It’s sad because you were interested and we need foster carers, but it is very very hands on.

I was told flat out I would not be able to work in any other capacity despite already being part time including having school holidays off (at that time). It is understandable- but no wonder there are not enough foster placements.

I hear about someone who only fostered school age children so carried on working (but not a taxing job) because he kids were on school while she worked.

Thanks guys. It would have been good to maybe just have that spelled out for me before I got asked really personal questions about my life for an hour, including health and relationship history.

Well yes, we look after school age children - the same points I’ve already made earlier in the thread still apply though.

What about respite care? Could you be a short breaks carer and offer say one weekend a month? Might help you decide which way you wanted to go in the future

Sorry it just hasn't been a very fun evening. The agency was so positive when I called and I made the mistake of telling a few friends, who've been saying how good I'd be at it.

Well there is nothing to decide, is there? I can't afford to jeopardise my steady income for a sporadic income.

I don’t know much about this but is there not an option to just do short term fostering? A colleague of mine used to have children at weekends or overnight if their parents/foster carers couldn’t have them for whatever reason. And she worked full time (although had school holidays off work so had more flexibility then.)

What ScarlettDarling just said. If you get your foot in the door, so to speak, you will get an understanding of how often you might have a placement, know how the agency works etc. I certainly know of single people who have adopted and worked full time

Respite fostering - not everyone does it but look out for LAs and agencies who do. Its the same assessment process and it allows you to do training and get more acquainted with the role without giving up a secure full time job. Sometimes you can match with a child over time who needs a longer term home but is currently with a short term fostering household if you have a supportive fostering service. Previous posters are right though fostering isn't parenting it is parenting +++ the system is run by a lot of meetings - all of which require you to be present. With a long term placement this can be compatible with some flexible working but not a full time demanding job unless you have a first class support network of family members who can step in a cover appointments for you. Its a hard one to gamble but dont give up you sound like you could be great if you had more flexible circumstances

In my experience agencies tend to have carers who take on the more difficult children. Try applying to your LA to be a respite carer in the first instance?

I'm an ex-foster carer and was single at the time. The only way I could afford to do it was because I haven't got a mortgage.

Single carers can get some benefits. I was able to claim Income Support and Child Tax Credit...I don't know if that's changed under Universal Credits though. But throughout the entire assessment process, no SW ever told me about any benefits I could claim, it was only at panel that someone mentioned it. I also did matched betting at the time to boost my income. So it is very tough financially as a single carer.

I know of a few FCs who work part-time. Both have school-aged children on long-term placements who are settled in the placement and school, etc.

It's a bit rubbish really. It should be properly recognised as a profession and paid as such.

It should be recognised and paid properly, for sure. I considered it at one point but despite the fact I don’t have a mortgage to worry about, the risks were far far too high.

This is why foster caters you see are not in business suits! They are either retired or have a partner working and they always look bloody busy doing that full time let alone another job!

This is why fostering isn’t a cure for infertility!

It isn’t ‘normal’ parenting, it’s a full time job.