How do you respond to people who say they could never be foster carers because...

[TulipsfromAmsterdam]

they would get far too attached, could never hand them back etc?
When anyone finds out I foster I get so many responses including the above, one lady went as far as saying 'OMG I couldn't do it, what it would be like giving one of my own children away, I don't know how you can...' and more.
Do they think it is easy and we are hard hearted people who look after these lovely little ones and let them go without a second glance.
I think I need a good response ready instead of trying to justify why I love the job so any suggestions welcome :)

sorry bottersnike... I'm not convinced... maybe thats where I'm going wrong

Well, we've only done this once, Buster, so I'm quite prepared to believe that one day a child will come along who will change everything I've previously said!

Also may i add people always ask why YOU dont adopt the child really it gets tiresome

Even family asking oh well why don you just adopt the child gurrrr

Bottersnike I thought like you. It was the 8th child who slid under the radar, so to speak.

I don't really see why you're taking this as criticism. I get that it's annoying to hear the same obvious things said again and again, and to hear people harping on upsetting issues, but it's a very natural thing to think when you first meet a foster carer - certain jobs do have the potential for emotional distress and some of us know that we couldn't cope with that aspect.

Doesn't mean that I think all NICU nurses, vets, divorce lawyers, funeral directors are hard hearted bastards - just that I find it difficult to believe I'd be up to the challenge myself.

I say this, but its absolutely out of admiration, I know I couldnt be a foster parent (too restrictive), but I know what a wonderful job they do (mum was one).

Yes take it as a massive compliment. I have just in the last year made a new friend who is a foster carer and currently has two little ones living with her ( plus her own three teenagers) and has had one of them since birth ( now a year old). I have said something similar to her and she said "Thank you" as it was meant as a massive compliment. She is one of the most warm hearted and generous people I have ever met and looks after these children as if they were her own and freely admits that each time they leave she is very upset, but she has to focus on their future in new loving homes. It takes a while and they take a break of a couple of months after an adoption and then start again.

I think people do some dumb things about fostering etc, because not a lot about the process is well known. I have learnt so much from my friend about how it all works, the issues and sadly some of the desperate family circumstances that lead to babies and young children being taken into care. Use it as a chance to educate us about the fantastic work you lovely people do.

When I say "I couldn't do it" I mean not that you are hard hearted, but that you are a much better person than me!

sorry- I mean people say dumb things

I also feel happier when they leave to be adopted, knowing they will be cherished and greatly wanted children. I have not always felt the same about the return to extended family.

So for me it does depend on where they go as to how hard it is.

I have tough times ahead in the not too distant future

Thank you for so many positive responses.
I didn't intend for my OP to come across as though these comments upset me as I realize such comments are usually complimentary though sometimes can be said in a tactless manner as in the lady I mentioned.
Another thing I have noticed when out with FC is the amount of people who stop and ask about him as he is very young and adorable, they must wonder if I am young gran or older mum and will usually try and quiz me!

A different situation but I had exactly the same type of comment as a surrogate mum "I couldn't do that, I love children too much," so I know how much that kind of thing really hurts.

I think foster carers on the whole do a fantastic thing in very difficult situations, it's not about being hard hearted, it's about caring more about a child/children/family than about your own feelings, even when very painful.

I've always thought surrogacy was a little like fostering oddball you are keeping the (albeit growing) child safe and loved until he/she can be with loving parents.

What an amazing thing to do for someone

Tulips I so agree with what you are saying, nearly everybody says this to me and it does get on my nerves.
Maybe I do take it the wrong way but sometimes I think they mean they are a better person than me as they would get too attached. Therefore meaning that I don't get attached and love them as much.