some advice/opinions please

[SquidgyBrain]

Our LO has now been here over 8 weeks! Not sure where the time has gone!

Anyway, when he arrived, he was almost sleeping through - needed a little soothing occasionally but that was only in the first week, and he was doing brilliantly at self settling.

Fast forwards to 2 weeks ago, he had a rotten cold, he was obviously feeling really poorly. As a result, he was a wee bit grumbly over night, but again just needed his back patting and a little soothing and he was going back over.

He went to contact (overnight) when he was beginning to feel better. His mum was over dramatising how ill he was (I was seriously worried as she was describing him as really really ill) when I went to take them to the Dr's it was obvious to me that he was actually much better than he was when he was dropped off on the Tuesday morning - however I know that it is different when it is your own child and you panic.

So he ended up spending 2 nights there as the social worker felt that it was important for both LO and his Mum to bond over this.

We got him back on the Thursday morning, and haven't had a full nights sleep since. Just about had him back to self settling - went for another over night again on Tuesday and he was worse than ever.

It seems that when he wakes up in the middle of the night they get him up and give him toast and milk!

The placement seems to be a longer term one - next LAC meeting is in March and I have been told he will not be getting returned then - they are planning on going to a shared care system.

The parents seem to be compliant with agencies but it is seeming more and more like just talk.

So what would you do/say? I have 3 kids of my own and a DH who gets up to work at 5.30 so a screaming baby every night for the next 6 months is really not going to work.

I Know that most babies/children cry, and we are more than prepared to get up with a child if they need us too - as there is always light at the end of the tunnel, but in this case the light seems to be coming from the buffet car on the train steaming towards up offering toast and milk!

It really is more the there is no end to this and the frustration of us spending 5 nights a week at the minute working hard to get him in to a routine and settled and it is undone in 2 night , as the parents are not prepared to "let him cry" and he rules them

Maybe I am just whinging?

Would appreciate any help advice or even that is the job get one with it's

thanks

SB xx

oh my god isnt that just your worst nightmare to have a child you are caring for and for them to have sids.

i can think of nothing worse.
sorry just saw you had put it about one of dads children and it tore my heart out :(

Yeah it really is stuff nightmares are made of. It is unbelievable sad situation :(

I would have agreed about contacting a guardian but when I did just that to raise issues about a social worker they closed ranks. It would appear that the guardian wasn't as independant as I thought!

Fostering - I think if you want to raise issues about a social worker you have to be honest with them, and say what it is you are concerned about, and expect that they will take your concerns seriously. You should also involve your link worker who can take your concerns to the sw. If you don't get any satisfaction, then you go to the sw's tm mgr and if no satisfaction there, you go through the complaints procedure (I am assuming IFAs have such procedures)

It isn't appropriate really to go the guardian about a concern about a sw. The guardian's role is to be independent, but independent of the LA and it would not be right for them to take on issues about a social worker. Did the guardian advise you to talk to the social worker - if not, he/she should have done. Is this what you mean by closing ranks.

There are always going to be times when carers and sws disagree and sometime it is based on a misunderstanding, and sometimes there is a need for compromise, but everyone concerned with the child's life has to be open and honest about their views and feelings as to do otherwise is not acting in the best interests of the child.

NanaNina, great advice, I tried to go through those channels but eventually felt I had no where else to turn.
I do think that carers working for IFA are supported more fully when there are differences of opinion about the care of a child, if only because they are independant of the child's social worker.
All the carers at my support groups advised me not to make an official complaint if I wanted to continue fostering. If the complaint is upheld then you are recognosed as being difficult to work with and placements are few and far between. Carers with over 25 years experience give this advice, they can't be just making it up.
Does anybody have any good ideas for improving the lot of LA carers?
I should have thought equal pay across England should be something worth speaking up about, especially for those who do not get clothing or travelling expenses, this might stem the flow of carers leaving LA to join IFA. Although I'm certain most leave for better and more independant support.