should i or shouldnt i??

[Flojo1979]

I always thought about fostering for past ten yrs, since then have had 2 kids, a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old.
How specific can u be about who u foster?
I'm worried they'll send an unruley older child, when i'd prefer a baby, babies can be hard work but at least i know they aint going to trash my house and teach my DCs allsorts? Or am i approaching this all wrong?
Also i know i wont get support from my parents, they'll think i'm mad for wanting to do it, they'll tell me its not fair on my own children to have to share me and they'll say the child wouldnt be welcome at theirs etc.

Not being funny but the younger children can be harder than the teens as they are not. Able to explain hope they are feeling also you cannot explain things to them.

Often babies that seem fine usually end up with some disability. That has not be discovered until the foster carer starts to take the baby for check ups.

If you think toddlers are not capable of causing damaging you might need to do a little more research.

Not trying to scare you this weekend alone we have had to deal with a child screaming during the night, defecation on the floor and biting we foster a 5 year old

I would try child mnding if you want to care for children who are not much trouble

Also babies have almost daily contact with parents which some las require in your home as you see from different threads one lady hosted contact on Christmas day

parents can turn up drunk, on drugs thats if they turn up at all

Babies who are coming off drugs scream for hours on end, shake when touched, won't take feeds sleep for short periods of time.

So
I think you really need t op research the type of children come into care even babies have their issues and its very misguided to think because the child is under 5 you won't really have any issues

Flojo - I think I can see where you are coming from on this one, but like Maypole says babies bring their own special sort of issues.

Yes you can specify which age group you wish to foster - we are only approved for children 0-2 we sought this as we have children who at the time we applied were 3, 5 and 6 (now 4,6 and 8)

I personally would think long and hard if you aren't going to have the support and blessing of your family, I had to ask my dad to collect my 4 year old twice last week, and had to have a friend collect my eldest 2 from school.

It isn't just the babysitting of the little ones that you have to contend with it is also all the meetings that come along with fostering, last week I had a panel meeting, then a meeting with the little ones social worker and family support worker, then the social worker and family support worker and I met with the parents, this week it is a network meeting and a meeting with my own link worker.

Good luck if you decide to go ahead

Not being funny but family support is key you will have to give references, and the panel may not be happy with your immediate family.

We went to my mil for christmas every one is our whole extend family got foster lo gifts and made a extra special effort. To make lo feel welcome can you imagin how lo would feel if they only were instructed in our bio child lo has suffered enough rejection

When you become a foster mum your whole family become a foster family. Friends , aunts, parents

Like the lady above said I could count the times when I had to get my sister to watch lo for me.

Being part of a complete family helps I believe with a child recovery Try having a chat with them again they might change their mind but prpably be persuaded if you do your homework then it seems less like a hair brain scheam

mpst la will not accept you if you do not have your family to support you.

you can ask for babies as i did but i warn you they have a host of issues.
many of them will be drug withdrawal or have health issues. many of them will not trust you for a while.
also with babies you will have a lot of contact with birth family as they like to maintain th ebond between mum and baby so you may be going to contact 5 times a week for several hours at a time.

then there is th emeetings, several again per week, plus unannounced visits at home, 6 weekly visits at home from your social worker plus the childs social worker.
then there is the application process. it is very very intrusive, they will go over your house with a fine toothed comb, go into every bit of your life and your partners and your children even contacting their school.

if you have no family support they will be less inclined to approve you as a good support network is key.
imagine you get a tiny baby withdrawing from heroin and you fear this baby could die (As they can be extremely ill) wouldnt you want to be able to ring someone and cry it out to them?
it is a heartbreaking job with no let up and you really do need support.
support form social services is in my experience not very good. they told us at panel they would use and abuse us and they did and still do.
all that said i wouldnt do anything else i adore it but the day it interferes with my own children is the day i stop. they have to be my priority.
if you decide to go ahead, be very honest with what you want and what you are prepared to tak eon. i said from day one i would not take sexually abused babies as i wouldnt be able to control myself around parents.
there are many things to think about but if you need any advice etc please dont hesitate to shout me x

Thankyou so much for all your insight. I do have experience of withdrawals with babies as i worked as nurse on childrens ward but from what u guys have said, I'm def gonna have to put on hold til at least my 2 yr old starts school as i simply do not have anyone i can ring who can look after the kids at moments notice. I would be relying on school, nursery etc which seems like it wont work. I'll certainly continue to find out more info and attend their open evening and carry on with my EYFS college course but i guess i didnt iron out all the what if scenarios.

Hi Flo I haven't started fostering yet but am a single mum with a 2 year old ds.
I don't have any family that can offer support but I do have a good network of friends.
I'd go along to an open evening and have a chat with social workers. You may want to do respite to begin with, which is what I'm doing.
Obviously the previous posters have loads more knowledge and experience than me but just wanted to point out the family support.

everybody has their own preference but mine was to start as i meant to go on with pre adoption, short term, respite and task centred fostering.
respite placements are few and far between.
in all my years fostering i have had 3 respite cases total.
one carer who lives in my town has been fostering as a respite carer for 10 year sand only had 8 placements lasting a maximum of 2 weeks each.

so for me it wasnt suitable as i wanted to be able to bond with the babies in my care. this is very difficult with respite.

discuss with your link worker what they would advise.
my first ever placement well they threw me in at the deep end big time. i was placed a drug withdrawal baby, he was so so ill.
we nealry lost him 6 times in the first week and spent most of the first 6 week sin and out of hospital.
i had to take a course of administering meds as he was on phenabarbitone and morphine.
but it toughened us up and after him we coped with whatever they threw at us!

it really is apersonal choice but if you are wanting to get right in there from the off dont go for respite.

After having had the experience of fostering with LA and Agency I can honestly say this -

1. If you are worried about matching you are better off working for Agency. LA's look for spare beds and do not worry about matching criteria. Agencies will only consider a placement if it is a good match with the foster family.

1. Do not worry whether you will get placements as an Agency Foster carer. Many LA carers will tell you that Agencies deal with the harder to place children. This was true. However now it is common place for Agencies to receive the very children that LA's cannot place due to foster carers leaving LA's in droves. This is mainly due to the lack of support from LA's.

1. LA's or Agencies will not even look at you if you do not have the support of your extended family.

i agree with you.
there was an advert in th elocal recently from the la advertising for foster carers.
my friend decided she would like to see what it is all about and asked me to go along to the info evening.
i had to walk out half way through.
the lies they were telling!
your sw will contact you every week, and visit every 6 weeks.
nonsense i ahvent seen mine for nearly 3 months. sh enever rings me i have to ring her!
there used to be 16 carers in my town with the la, now there are 5.
they all resigned due to the way we are treated.

and i also agree with you on the support issue.
my mother in law said she would not support us and i told the sw doing the initial assessment this and was told in reply, you will not be able to foster if your family, in its entirety do not back you. you must have full family support.
friends do not come into it it must be family.

also are you aware that if you wish to go out on a night out etc (oh i wish its been 4 years) you have to have a fully crb checked, fully approved by ss babysitter to look after the child.
many people are not willing to have these checks so you end up with no social life (as i said 4 years since i went out)

family support is so important, who are you going to turn to if you get a seriously abused child? you cannot turn to friends it is not allowed. it is barely alowed with family. if you discussed it with friends you would lose your approval.

also do you have a spare bedroom? i know for a fact that if you dont you will not get approval. i recntl asked to have my approval upped to two children as i know they are short of carers. no wi live in a 4 bedroomed house. the lo has to have thier own room they cannot share with your own children, a baby can go in a cot in your bedroom until they are 6 months then they have to go in their own room. as i dint have another to sparei was turned down.

there are hundreds of different hings to hink about when considerin gbecoming a foster carer.

also did you know that if an allegation is made against you your children could be removed from your care while the compliant is investigated. i was told this during my training as were the other 20 couples. 8 of them walked out.
even if you take babies you are open to allegations from birth family. they could say you have done thier booties up too tight repeatedly and hurt them or you have not been feeding them properly or well just about anything. and this does happen as birth family think by making these allegations they will get their child back.

as i said so many things to think about. and so many questions to ask when going thrugh the process.

it is very daunting and it very nearly put me off from fostering. i persevered and im glad i did. you just need to be aware of everything upfront and go into it with your eyes wide open.
ooh i have written a book again sorry!

My SW phones or e mails me several times a week.
She never ever misses our 6 weekly supervision.
I am very well paid.
Babysitters need to be CRB checked but we decide who we use.
My dh family didn't support us fostering. They haven't spoken to us since we started.
My first fc shared a room with ds for 3 years.

fostermumtomany TBH I think you give a very negative view of fostering. I would be interested to know who you foster for.

op I think you need to call your LA they are not all the same.

fostermumtomany has totally scared me. I had no idea that if a complaint was made against u by putting shoes on too tight that my own DCs could be put into care. No wonder 8 walked out, thats enough to put me off.
I really wanted to foster, its something that i've thought i'd be good at for many years but my own DCs have to come first.
I will speak further with my family and explain to them, i just know they find my 2 relatively well behaved kids running round the place they feel uncomfortable so i just think if i went with a 3rd child they'd not like it. how can i put it, well they just aint really kiddie people, they like to have nice furniture and ornaments etc so i know when i leave with my DCs they r relieved so another would just scare them but i'll try to get them on board.
But if things r as bad as u r making out then i'm not sure.
I dont actually have a spare bedroom, I was hoping they might approve babies to sleep in cot with me, though i do have a playroom downstairs so perhaps that could be considered.
So much to think about. I did ring my LA but got no returned msg so i'll ponder on it some more and then perhaps arrange to go to open evening.
Can u register with LA as well as an agency or does it have to be one or other?

Flo - we don't have a spare room and the LO's sleep in our room. If we end up having them a while they will share with our DD - SS were happy with this as children the age that we look after do not need their own personal space in the way older children do.

Fostermumtomany - is correct in if there is an allegation of abuse then you are at risk of your own children being removed - it is a real risk, but from speaking to my LO's social worker about it, there would have to be substantial evidence, after all we have had parenting assessments carried out are seen as fit parents. But it is a consideration, and it does mean that you have to protect yourself against things. - your SW would help with that.

Sounds very scarey squidgy, I'm just remember all the times i've picked up my DCs from nursery and found fresh buises on them, in fact half the time there legs can be covered from the usual rough n tumble, so it sounds scarey that some irrate parent could point the finger and b4 u know it your own kids r vulnerable.
How do u manage all the meetings that go on? What do u do with LO when u r expected to attend SW meetings etc?

Yup it is terrifying, the LO that we have now fell and bumped his head within 20 minutes of being here - but he was almost 11 months at the time and that is to be expected. You have to keep a daily diary and you note down any incidents.

I am lucky and have supportive parents who live very close by so they help out collecting my youngest from nursery school, and I have a lovely friend who walks the 3 kids to school if I need away early

On the whole SS do try and work round my commitments where possible, this LO's Gran takes care of him when meetings are being held (she has to stay in the SW building) you can get day care, which is where another foster carer looks after your LO - if you don't have any open placements you get paid an hourly rate for doing this.

Flo you really need to go and find out for yourself.

They would need evidence of abuse to take your children away from you, we were told it wouldn't happen if you hadn't abused the children!

Like I said before I have no family support. I'm a single mum. My mother is disabled and my brother works away. They didn't even ask me what my mum thought so all LA's seem to be very different.

I was also told I had to have a spare room (which I have) I will be doing respite for 2 - 8 year olds and told I will be doing alot of 28 day placements.
It is a massive commitment and not one to be taken lightly but if the only thing putting you off is the fact that your parents aren't that understanding then I wouldn't let that stand in your way.

Your right. I'll ring them again and see what info i can find out for myself.
Thanx, any info is gratefully received.
If needs be i'll wait til my 2 yr old starts school then i will be free for meetings etc.

Good please ring, you can even do the skills to foster course and then decide no!

My ds is 2 1/2 - meetings haven't been mentioned to me!

I've just had a look at form f, it very erm thorough!

he meetings that you have are
initial planning meeting
contact planning meetings
looked after child reviews
occasionally introduction meetings
then there are your meetings:
supervisions
appraisal
spot checks
stat visits
health visitors (once a month at the moment i believe for babies under 12 months)
not to mention doctors appointments
hospital appointments
lac medicals
etc
i take my LO's to all meetings as they are only babies and not at school
when i did older kids i would ask for meetings to be after school time. the sw was keen for the child to be present to raise their own issues if they had any.

then on top of the meetings there is contact, for babies that can be 5 times a week. they like to keep contact levels high for babies. i take my lo 5 days a week for 1.5 hours a day for mum and 3 times a week for 1.5 hours for grandma.
i also used to take lo 4 times a week for dad half an hour after mum but he no longer attends.
our contact this time is just a 5 minute drive away but my last lo had contact 69 miles away 4 times a week for an hour a day!
that was a pain!!!

Blimey, i never even thought about 69 miles away contact!!
I assume they try to match u with appropriate LOs, and explain all that b4 u accept, then if its too much u can turn down and wait for a closer one etc?

Just recieved info pack from LA, on cover letter it says they will call in a wk to discuss further and have invited me to attend info evening but tbh they are all miles away (bout 30/40 miles) and only one a month so think i might hold of til next nearer one but that might be another 6 months away cos just missed the local one by days!

ours tend to come round every three months hun.
they do try and match you and they will always ask you if you can accomodate.
always ask about contact levels and the location of contact before you agree to anything if you feel it wont work say so hun.

dont let them browbeat you into anything.
remember they need you not the other way around.
sometimes they may place with you for a short while until a more appropraite placement becomes available. still ask for all details beforehand.
they should give you a smuch info as possible before you agree to take a lo on.

have the meeting hun and discuss everything with htem. also at the meet at your home they will assess your house space wise and tell you there and then whether its doable or not.

get yourself a list of questions ready as if your anything like me all questions will go out of your head as soon as they get there lol.
keep me updated as well.
im very excited for you!

Baby sitting is tricky, our LA insist they interview your babysitter who then has to be CRB checked. Alternatively you could swop hours with another foster carer?

our sw merely wanted to meet our babysitter as she is one of my old childminding friends and as such already has a current crb with our la.

the meeting lasted about 5minutes she basically popped in for a cuppa while sw was here.

she baby sits onece a month for us