in the navy, do i stay, or do i go

[cheekymonk]

Hi there, I have been in the royal navy for over ten year with teh 12 year half pension point tantalisingly close. Over the past 3 years since ds was boen in 2005, the majority of my time has been at sea - during which time my wife has endured three family bearevements, pnd and a gall bladder op. While I was able to offer limited support with the gall bladder op, I was not allowed home to support my wife with pnd, or the family bereavements. To make matters worse, I was reverted from Leading Hand to AB in July last year. The only real amount of time I had shoreside has been August last year till December (aided by npfs), and December to April this year due to joining a ship in refit. Now that the ship is back at sea my wife is totally fed up, having been reminded of all the comings and goings, and with a 7 1/2 month deployment looming in December (away for Christmas) she is naturally at the of her tether. I dont want to rock the boat on the ship as there is the prospect of regaining promotion this summer, although anyone who knows anything about navy life, this cannot be guaranteed. This leaves me with a dilema. Do I stay till the 12 year point and reap the financial gain (being able to pay off a LSAP with the navy grant), or do I leave soonest to avoid any further strain. My family are in Scotland, and my wifes family are in Herefordshire. Without being cruel, they have got their own problems, and cannot support my wife and ds effectively as much as they could. When I was away last weekend at sea. My wife took ds now 3yr old to see Nana, but constantly asked for me. This only adds to the pressure on me to leave soonest. Just wondered what you all thought as I'm sure there are many other families in the same predicament.
Many thanks.

I am on here littlelapin- dh nicked my username but I am chuffed he came on here to get all of your opinions, I am lucky that he cares...
He is coming and going a lot of next few weeks.

If your DS is now 3, are you getting the nursery grant to pay for the nursery fees? Are you doing the salary sacrifice thing to get nursery vouchers to pay for any additional fees (so you save the tax).

Yes Laura am doing both of those things which has created some slack but I find alot of the things ds wants to do does cost money. A freezing cold park, pebble beach, feeding the ducks etc only appeal for a while. He much prefers an indoor play centre, having a sandwich in M & S (I know!), going in a toyshop for an hour but mainly playing with other kids. I have decided to try and get myself "out there" and make more friends so I can entertain him for less money and then we are both happier.

Yes littlelapin I am a pompeyite! Did join the aquarium when ds was small and he did like it. Also joined staunton park but ds has now gone off the animals and the "smelly pigs!" I think looking back I have overstimulated him at times so now nothing is good enough!

Yes, I'd say friends were the way to go. You can do lots of cheap things, which are fun if you have other people to do them with.

We had a 5 week stint in Portsmouth (Navy! don't ask!!!), and spent a bit of time at the soft play place near to the big Tescos off of the motorway (I can get the exact address if you don't know where I mean). They did a toddler session in the mornings which was about £3, and included a packed lunch and a coffee. A bargain IMO. This was last April/May though.

DS1 loved the aquarium at that age too.

But with friends, we can spend hours in our back garden, at normal swing parks, walking on the beach, or round a park.... I'm even trying to get into the habit of taking a Thermos of coffee with me to save the £xx I spend on coffee every week .