New RAF Wife. Love my hubby, HATE living here!

[LottieEm]

I married in June this year as DH and I were fed up with only seeing each other a couple of times a month after nearly 5 years together. I have two children from previous relationship (now 7 and 11) and they missed him too so getting married and moving us to where he is seemed like a good idea. We knew it would be hard leaving friends and family back home but were positive and optimistic and raring to give it a go.
However, 5 months in and it's horrible. We're in XXXXXX and it's just so much worse than I thought it would be. I find the base really weird like a really crap Butlins at end of season! There's nothing here! And no-one and I mean no-one has even acknowledged my exsistence! I have never had trouble making friends in the past I've moved around a bit and have friends all over the place but here it's just not friendly. I thought there'd be a real sense of community but it's non exsistent. Furthermore, I feel ancient compared to a lot of other wives. They all seem to be really young (like early 20's ) I'm late 30's and as it's mostly Army here too RAf are in a monority. Must be honest I find military life all a bit strange any way and the welcome briefing only made me feel more like a duck out of water. I've never been one to follow the herd and I'm quite independant but didn't appreciate such comments as "let us help you find a little job! How patronising ? " a little job" for the little wife! " I've actually had an interview for a job with the council but failing that I can do some supply teaching but just the assumtion that your life is put on hold whilst you follow your man aound is just pre-historic to me!
Trying so hard not to be negative and smile at people but starting to feel like the crazy lady who smiles to herself! my DH is so great and hates seeing me down, he's doing all he can to cheer me up and it is good being all together at last. But my daughter (11) is not loving school being teased for having a different accent and things like that.
To add to this I'm 12 weeks pregnant. We're chuffed to bits and I'm sure the extra hormones aren't helping but now all I can think is how much I want to go home to be with my supportive friends and family.

Any advice for a new wife in a weird place be gratefully received.

Craic - I don't think many bases actually have wives clubs these days?!

Mhmm, "clubs" was my own term, I mean the coffee mornings etc they put on

Coffee mornings are a hugely important way for isolated women with small children to get out of the house and not end up on Prozac. Being dumped on your own in middle of nowhere with a screaming baby and a fractious toddler and a dh always at work means that coffee mornings are pretty much a lifeline for some people.

They aren't compulsory.

And I have no idea what you mean by 'scary cliquey coffee mornings' in that case. No. 2 means that the informal support network offered by other people in the same boat at, er, coffee mornings and scary cliquey social events is pretty much essential, if you don't want to end up as a welfare case.

Glad you are enjoying a home posting though, most military spouses don't get that option and have to take support wherever it is available, and are bloody grateful for the morsels thrown.

I'm sorry MadWoman, I was trying to be lighthearted about it when I used that term. I understand they are very useful for people who are new to the area etc, especially when you've got kids and don't have much opportunity to meet new people. I personally just feel like a bit of a "pretender"- I've never been anywhere else, never had a fight with the housing officer, never been separated from my friends and family (could go on...). So I worry they'll think, "it's alright for you..", which I appreciate is me being neurotic and over-thinking it. Sorry, again

That's fine - it's just there are a lot of stereotypes about military spouses which can be really off putting when you are vulnerable and need some support. Lighthearted is good, and tinternet tone is always tricksy.

I once made a 'joke' about flower arranging as a newly engaged fiancée at a dinner party to meet now-dh's boss, wife, and assorted hangers on. It was the last time I ever did.

I have a huge amount of respect for the wives that plug the gaps in the military welfare system and keep lonely women afloat.