Security issues

[MrsSnaplegs]

I have been thinking about the potential for a more secure way for us to communicate openly without the risk of compromising our own or spouse's security. I would love to be able to talk freely on here but can't. I didn't want to hijack luciemules thread so thought I better start a new one for ideas etc on this.
I think our options are
1 using the message poster tool and pm each other but not sure how that really works
2 set up a secret code but suspect that will not survive long!
3 ask for a locked down area of site but the big question there is how to police access to it - I am sure it wouldn't be hard to fake info for access to it

Does anyone have any ideas?

marriedtoagoodun - we had a posting like that too (our second) where I think I barely spoke to anyone for almost a year. It did get better! I've never understood the need to be two-faced by being nice at official functions but then cold and withdrawn at informal meet-ups. I suppose you just get odd people no matter where you go in life.

I find I often don't settle as well socially with some people as I'm the one serving so miss a lot of the daytime stuff. I now jokingly call the "wives" DH harem as he knows them better than me but even he/DD suffer as I think they get invited on less playdates as the women are v conscious of being seen with " a man" in the house too often. Sad state of events really but is only a few individuals thankfully. He does go to all the group events though!

Good, some people obviously just have no life do they? I feel for you, and can empthasize. When I was still serving, DH was sent away at the last minute to replace another officer on a deployment. The reason he was sent was that an affair was discovered between a female officer and a married male officer and the married male officer would have been working in close proximity to said female for 2/3 months....so DH went instead. He had just come back from another deployment, so we were going to see virtually nothing of each other for months and months. I thought - well, its the militray. Its shit, but we've got to get on with it. I then got an anonymous phone call at work from a woman muttering into my answer machine (they obvsiouly phoned v late at night when they knew I wouldn't be there..) saying they wouldn't let their DH work so closely with 'that slag' and how foolish I was etc etc. WTF? A. I trust my (then) boyfriend and B. I have no control over the deployment - it's not a case of 'letting' him. I am fairly sure I knew who it was - this was coming from the 'mature' wife of an officer (not that it makes any difference frankly, as anyone with any moral fibre would know it was wrong.)

I always envisage moral fibre as being like all bran...

Brussels is interesting as theer wasn't until a few years ago any kind of 'formal' support apart from the odd coffee here and there. I found getting stuck in with ds's school helped, and I have time to read all the books I bought with me as well.

so do you live on a camp scary or within a town? Are the locals friendly enough to make friends with there or do you have more british friends?

No camp here Lucie. We live on an ordinary street in a little town on the edge of Brussels. The UKSU rents houses which we rent back as SSFAs, and it is variable what you get and where you live. They try to put you on a school bus route if your kids go the school that we all seem to use. Some SSFAs are lovely, some are not. I would not have chosen mine particularly (dh managed to bag it off the outgoing incumbent a Group Capt) as the kitchen is small (I do not have too much stuff!), but we look over fields with sheeps and are back from the road and it is quiet, so it is a bit like Cornwall.

The locals are very buttoned up; they are even more inward looking than the Brits, which is saying something, but I have friends of different nationalities from school. Some are military, but most are civvy. I am shy and retiring though, so meeting new people isn't my favourite form of entertainment. I do various parents things for the school though which means I have to meet people, otherwise I'd be quite happy to curl up with the lodger (a friendly local black cat has taken up residence, I'm doing a cat share with his owner) and read all day.

So spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone with a mum whose eldest boy (she has four) has just been rehabiliated home after losing his legs and one arm. He is 19. She also has a 17,15 and 10 year old. Money is tight -DH's employers are threatening to sack him if he takes any more time off, injured son's bones are still growing so he has to go back into hospital and have them removed and they live in a rented property whose landlord will not allow them to make adjustments for a wheelchair. Feeling a bit more sanguine about the 'bitches r'us' section of wives and more 'how amazing and strong' are some mums and other halves out there.

I think for me it is the feeling of letting DH down by not being posh enough. He is very public school and I was dragged up ( ) However, after a day like today when I can make some phonecalls and was able to phone mum back and say there is a cheque for the rent on the way, I realise I love being DH's wife - if not for his rank noone would have listened and that mum would have gone without. So peaks and troughs really.

Much like scaryteacher I am thinking about hibernating (no cat, but lots of chocolate - and it is naff Cadburys and not Green and Black )and just coming out for the school run....

Mrs snaplegs have just made friends with a serving wife (whose husband is also serving and away). We have a lot in common and she is finding it hard missing her DH who is in Afghan and yet being treated as if she wants to sleep her way through the Regiment. One wife even said 'well I guess you can stop looking now - you got what you joined up for . As if her whole military career was just about getting a DH...

married that's awful. I can't believe there's still much so bitching in the forces. Whenever I speak to/make friends with a serving female officer I would always admire her, rather than diss her. Contrary to belief, the forces is still way behind in the attitude of some towards women in the forces and for no good reason.
Occasionally I've known some who like to flutter their eyelashes at the blokes but you get that in all careers.

I'm not posh either (well, I can do a posh voice if necessary but generally stick to my suffolk/peterborough lilt which I have got to like.

I feel like I could be good friends with any of the ladies on this post so don't take yourself off hibernating; get out there and show those catty people what you're like.

Scary - yes - silly me - should have known there weren't any camps in Brussels! We had a UKSUquarter in Germany but it was lovely. nice to mix in with the locals rather than be stuck on camp - although I'm missing that now!

married don't be saying you're not posh enough and let your DH down. Be assertive. I know a lady who has the poshest accent you ever heard yet she is one the kindest, most lovely people I have ever met. Be you and everyone will lovely you - see I'm taking scary's advice and passing it to you

When I took my current job we knew we would be apart for a short period but as I posted on the other thread wern't expecting it to be this long - so the vindictive letter accusing DH of an affair and stating how they didn't understand how I could desert my family again signed "friends" really went down a treat. We just shrug it off, luckily DH is ex forces.

married to a goodun I hope you are proud of what a productive day you have had - one thing to consider - if the others aren't particulalrly sociable it may be that they actually do nothing with their lives and don't feel confident enough to have anything to say to you Also if you want to chat at all about Headley Court I have some personal experience of the place so am happy to chat.

And no hibernating from anyone please this is the most fun I've had in ages!! Although if anyone wants them we do have 2 adult cats going to a good home - I'm sure we can explain their absence to DD by the upcoming house move We never wanted the cats in the first place - one came with DH from a previous relationship (he got the cat) and one was given to my DD on her 1st birthday as a kitten by Grandma

married - am ex-serving myself and heard the 'only joined up to get a husband' more times than i can shake a stick. i didn't even meet dh through work - my sister introduced him to me at her new year's eve party, thinking as we were both military and had both just been dumped (!) we might get on. she obviously had no idea about the usual state of army/ raf relations lol... (blardy civvy)

mrss, no thanks - have spent thousands more than any disturbance allowance shipping two fat labs around the world.

i'd love to hibernate. i'm currently running a pruning campaign where i'm trying to cut down on the amount of extracurricular. there are other people who are more than capable - i must get rid of some of it.

Married - it's about being effective and empathetic, not posh. My dh is public school - I went to comp, guess who is more street smart?

Your serving friend needs to point out to the bitchy wife that she has standards and that the bitchy wife's dh just doesn't meet them....

Dh is bringing his Colonel home to dinner soon (yes, I know he's Navy, it's tri service and fco). I've offered to do her washing as her MQ is a mess and I think her washing machine, like her family is still in UK. I don't think she's after him though!!

My husband's closest friend is a female officer he went through RMAS and YOs with. I have never thought that she was "after" my husband (or, indeed, any serving male) - she's just someone with whom he gets on well. In all respects she is professional and enjoys her career.

A few girls who might be less scrupulous are no excuse for tarring all females in uniform with the same brush!

Scary's right about the posh bit - if you just act normally, people will see and like you for who you really are. There will always be people you dislike and who dislike you, and as long as things are cordial and polite that's no problem. Just because we're all married to men in uniform, doesn't mean we all automatically will get along.