16 year old niece only wants money for her birthday for a boob job!

[Charlize43]

This is a bit of a rant, so apologies in advance.

I had a bit of a row last week with my Sis as her daughter, who is 16 texted me to say that she only wanted money for her birthday as she is saving up for a boob job! She doesn't look underdeveloped to me and is still growing! Giving her money for her birthday is not the issue for me, I'm more taken aback by what she wants to spend it on.

My Sis is very much of the attitude, let her do what she wants but I'm a little disappointed that she seems completely obsessed with Love Island and that particular lifestyle; influencers like Lottie Moss & Zara McDermott who promote a very sexualised image; and singers like Cardi B and Meghan thee stallion (what type of name is that?) who just seem like singing strippers to me.

I am the eldest, and when I was 16, I grew up with singers like Annie Lennox, Alison Moyet, Kate Bush, and Chrissie Hynde - women who didn't have to be half naked and sexed up to promote their music.

My niece went out last night with two of her friends: one was wearing a suit jacket with clearly nothing on underneath but a pair of shorts and every time she moved I'd get a good view of her breasts. The other wore some kind of cross over top that had both her boobs visibly hanging out from the bottom (I'm not making this up), my niece was wearing a sports bra and a pair of combat trousers. I have no idea where they were going and my sister didn't seem to care.

When did girls become so sexualised? I've never really got how it is suppose to be 'empowering' to dress like that. I didn't seem to get that memo.

Clearly I am too old to understand the younger generation but I'm seeing a lot of body obsessions, bikini pics, boob jobs, big blown up lips, posting selfies in your undies on Instagram, etc.

My niece says she'd love to go on Love Island. Is this what young people aspire to these days?

I feel like I'm the only one standing here with my mouth open. Maybe I should just shut up and go back to listening to Alison Moyet.

Does anyone else feel like this? I don't recall young women being so sexualised when I was young...

[Orf1abc]

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

[MissBattleaxe]

I agree with you OP. The pressure on young women to achieve unattainable appearance goals and to be validated by their looks is very sad.

[Nutrigrainygoodness]

Surely she can't have it done at 16 though?! So what seems like a good idea to her now, by the time she's 18 might be a distant memory.

[Charlize43]

@Orf1abc

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

I'm totally aware I'm being judgemental otherwise I wouldn't have posted this.

[Makemineamediumone]

YADNBU
very sad that both have bought into the commoditising and objectification

[toffeebutterpopcorn]

@Orf1abc

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

I didn’t have my boobs hanging out back then, nor would my aspirations be: get boob job, go on reality tv (had it been around then).

[TRHR]

Funny you mention Love Island. This week two of the women were really hurt when one of the men said he didn't like 'fake' looks. They said he had no idea of the pressure women were under and why they got cosmetic procedures. My sympathy was tempered a bit by the fact they bought into the pressure then went on a show watched by teens to double down on these beauty standards.
As an aunty I see my role to be there unconditionally for my niece - I'm not her mum so can't tell her what she should do, but would always like her to turn to me if she needs someone. Maybe you can reach out to your niece and offer a shoulder/ some one to talk to if she's feeling insecure or upset about the way she looks and beauty pressure?

[fantastaballs]

My 13 year old daughter desperately wants to join the RAF or army and become a Dr /surgeon. And I will sort her ask the way. She also loves experimenting with dramatic make up and does tik tok videos that get a 3-10 thousand views each time. I support her in both. My eldest daughter wears the sort of clothes you describe op but of 24 so not much I can say! I leave her to it.

[Naunet]

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties

No they weren’t. I never once saw a 16 year old wearing a jacket with nothing under it, or a top that exposed the bottom of their breasts. Spots bra and combats, yeah, maybe.
And actually it’s ok to ask why young women are making these choices, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

[Charlize43]

@TRHR

Funny you mention Love Island. This week two of the women were really hurt when one of the men said he didn't like 'fake' looks. They said he had no idea of the pressure women were under and why they got cosmetic procedures. My sympathy was tempered a bit by the fact they bought into the pressure then went on a show watched by teens to double down on these beauty standards.
As an aunty I see my role to be there unconditionally for my niece - I'm not her mum so can't tell her what she should do, but would always like her to turn to me if she needs someone. Maybe you can reach out to your niece and offer a shoulder/ some one to talk to if she's feeling insecure or upset about the way she looks and beauty pressure?

Thanks for the reply.

But what pressure? I don't recall seeing the memo that said that women had to look like porn stars? What exactly is the point of having bigger fake boobs? This is what I don't get!

I have tried spending time with her and being 'open' to her world but most of the stuff she shares with me, leaves me aghast. I am old (50s) and I am obviously very judgemental, although I don't let her see that side of me. I just keep quiet. Likewise, everything I have tried to share with her (books, arts, culture, etc) she has no interest in. She's at the age, where she's only interested in things related to her appearance.

[Charlize43]

@Naunet

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties

No they weren’t. I never once saw a 16 year old wearing a jacket with nothing under it, or a top that exposed the bottom of their breasts. Spots bra and combats, yeah, maybe.
And actually it’s ok to ask why young women are making these choices, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

Yes, that's precisely what I want to know: Why are young women making these choices?

[Nohomemadecandles]

@Orf1abc

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

We were wearing skimpy clothes in the 90s but we weren't having surgery or fillers or, in the main, anywhere near as much make up. We certainly didn't go to MUA's before a night out.

I'm not saying to do any of that is wrong in isolation but the comparison to the 90s is disingenuous. It's not the same at all.

Women should be able to wear whatever they want to. Their reasons for doing it are a different matter. As is surgery and invasive procedures, fillers etc. Personally, I think it's a real shame women can't see how beautiful they are when they're arguably in their "best" years. But it's not my body they're messing with. Not my circus, not my monkeys. I'm trying to bring up 2 boys to treat women with respect- those are my monkeys.

There's plenty girls that don't do any of it too. It'll pass. It always does.

[Belliphat]

Yeah the 90s really wasn’t about leaving half a boob out or having your shorts cut above your buttock crease. At my son’s school some of the girls have their skirts above the gusset part of their tights.
As much fun as teen rebellion is when the consequence of mainstream aspiration is teens wanting surgery it’s a depressing business.

[Belliphat]

Add in the pressure to perform sex acts that also weren’t as mainstream back in the 90s and it’s too complex a picture to say it has always been like this one way or another.

[Zandra123]

I'm currently looking after my late 20's daughter who's recovering from surgery to have implants removed that were done four years ago. She started getting weird things not right with her, inc terrible skin issues, after researching there's a growing group of women having implant problems, very like auto immune. Within a day of surgery she's like a different person, skin cleared up, sparkle back in her eyes, fluid that was making her look swollen starting to go. It's unbelievable the difference how she's feeling.
Please get her parents to read up on all of this, there's a massive list of symptoms and yet no one seems to be even letting women know this is a possibility so at least they go into it with full knowledge. It's also cost much more money for this surgery than initial one, which we have helped her with cos she real,y needed to get her life back.

[PennineSpring]

@Orf1abc

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

No they were not. Even the biggest girl bands of the 90s didn’t dress like that (see The Spice Girls, Eternal, All Saints for reference)

[beigebrownblue]

I think in your situation I would have texted straight back and said you think she is beautiful as she is and saying quite clearly you were not contributing any money towards an unnecessary operation and would like to donate the money to a charity instead that supports education for girls in areas of the world where they are exploited and not allowed to go to school.

or a charity that supports girls who struggle with body image.

Or similar.

And then would have opened up in future a conversation on body image, self compassion etc.

You don't have to take part in everyday sexism if you don't agree with it. Neither do you have to enable others to do so.

It's your money.

I hold back from commenting on my DD's appearance in the main she has good dress sense.

However it doesn't mean that we have to go along with everything that young people do.

If it were contributing to an operation where a young person had developed low self esteem due to scarring etc it would be a completely different matter.

[CardinalLolzy]

Yes they were. I don't agree with it but you can't say that bra & trousers wasn't basically a uniform for either of the spice Mels.

[Zilla1]

I did not see normalisation of cosmetic procedures to teenaged women in the 90s to this extent and could not financially contribute to that, personally.

The exploitation of teenage young women for financial gain by the media, influencers, clinics, non-specialists and supposedly trained non-HCPs for some procedures through social conditioning has arguably always existed but where the result is permanent then it feels even more vile to me.

Am all for choices but those choices don't exist in a vacuum of financial influence and other exploitation. Some/many of the cosmetic procedures have permanent effects and I've seen the effects when offshore and private UK clinics have procedures that have gone wrong and the NHS has stepped in sometimes with repeated surgery.

I can't think of a single teenage woman having elective aesthetic breast surgery at 16 in the 80s or 90s.

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

@MissBattleaxe

I agree with you OP. The pressure on young women to achieve unattainable appearance goals and to be validated by their looks is very sad.

No we bloody were not

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

@Zilla1

I did not see normalisation of cosmetic procedures to teenaged women in the 90s to this extent and could not financially contribute to that, personally.

The exploitation of teenage young women for financial gain by the media, influencers, clinics, non-specialists and supposedly trained non-HCPs for some procedures through social conditioning has arguably always existed but where the result is permanent then it feels even more vile to me.

Am all for choices but those choices don't exist in a vacuum of financial influence and other exploitation. Some/many of the cosmetic procedures have permanent effects and I've seen the effects when offshore and private UK clinics have procedures that have gone wrong and the NHS has stepped in sometimes with repeated surgery.

I can't think of a single teenage woman having elective aesthetic breast surgery at 16 in the 80s or 90s.

Which one there has her breasts hanging out sorry? I can’t see them

[Nohomemadecandles]

In fact the shock factor of seeing Jodie Marsh in the belt dresses was 2004. Nothing had been quite that revealing prior. I remember wearing a triangle bikini top with a short a-line denim skirt. And quite a lot of cropped jumpers with either low slung cargo pants or some kind of red tartan capri trousers. And slip dresses that looked like nighties. (Looks at self in mirror and weeps, silently)

But the most we did to alter anything was hair dye and eyebrow plucking! (Still not recovered)

[Charlize43]

@Zandra123

I'm currently looking after my late 20's daughter who's recovering from surgery to have implants removed that were done four years ago. She started getting weird things not right with her, inc terrible skin issues, after researching there's a growing group of women having implant problems, very like auto immune. Within a day of surgery she's like a different person, skin cleared up, sparkle back in her eyes, fluid that was making her look swollen starting to go. It's unbelievable the difference how she's feeling.
Please get her parents to read up on all of this, there's a massive list of symptoms and yet no one seems to be even letting women know this is a possibility so at least they go into it with full knowledge. It's also cost much more money for this surgery than initial one, which we have helped her with cos she real,y needed to get her life back.

Thank you. Definitely.

[Sunbird24]

I would totally have had a boob job at 18. Bloody glad I didn’t as my boobs showed up out of the blue round about when I turned 30 and I’d have had to go back under the knife to get the implants out!

[Zilla1]

None that I can see and when did I say they were? OP posts about breast surgery and posters say she's being judgmental of other people's choices and people were wearing the same in the 90's.