If you’ve OCD since a child...

[obliquesqueak]

Were there early symptoms like having vivid nightmares that freaked you out from sleeping, and having thoughts about your house burning down, being run over or bears eating you?

My dc loves repetitive behaviour (same games over and over again) and has these bad fears and nightmares that seem extreme compared to other dc.

Any thoughts welcome. She’s 5, and it’s hard to know what’s going on but wondered if any adult OCD sufferers had any childhood memories to share or advice.

[Choice4567]

Wanted to reply and maybe give your post a bump!

I've had anxiety (but not OCD) since I was a child, and had very vivid nightmares that I could remember clearly from that sort of age. I didn't have anything traumatic happen in my childhood, just an active imagination and anxiety!

[obliquesqueak]

Thanks @Choice4567 dd has a very active imagination and anxiety, we’ve some reason to think she’ll develop OCD and/or severe anxiety and just wondering if there is anything we can do.

[mindfulmam]

Doesn't sound like ocd.

[sobeyondthehills]

I think I had OCD as a child (have it now) but there are so many different OCDs it can be difficult, from my memories when I saved money, it had to go in certain pots, I have 15 of them and once one was filled then I would move onto the next one and you couldn't put a coin in the wrong one.

Honestly I think the best thing you can do is listen to her, maybe when she wants to play the same game, say lets do something different and see what she does.

Having said that, the best thing you could do is get advice from a doctor, maybe explain your concerns and what you can do.

DS also loves to play the same game over and over and over again, but I don't think he has OCD just loves the damn game and beating me

[rosie2345]

I have OCD and yes, big nightmares were a thing for me from the start. I've had lifelong trouble sleeping because of my early experiences with nightmares. Looking back now as an adult who understands OCD, I wish my parents had helped me to overcome my fear rather than provide reassurance which exacerbated it. Of course they didn't know, they were doing what they thought was kind and best...but really I needed some kind of exposure around going to sleep on my own in the dark and knowing that I would be ok. I'm not sure if this is helpful, but I understand what your dc is going through and I really recommend getting him some early psychological support that addresses the root issue (not drugs!). All the best xxx

[rosie2345]

Sorry *her, I got confused half way through my post and thought your dc was a son.

[exWifebeginsAgainat46]

yep, OCD since childhood here and i had vivid nightmares and crippling fears. i used to have a lot of rituals during the day to try and stave off terrible harm.

full disclosure: i had an appalling childhood, and was exposed to all manner of damaging things from a very early age. support your little one, maybe a trip to the GP to discuss?

[obliquesqueak]

my dd is under paeds and review for ASD but tries so bloody hard in class to be good that school keep going on about how fine she is.

My DD has a series of comfort games, comfort books, she likes to have the exact same conversation with you with the same words on days when she's extra stressed - you can't distract her onto other games when she's stressed as it exacerbates the anxiety.

@rosie2345 I'm interested what would've helped at bedtime - my DD can get so anxious that she just will not get into bed, she starts hitting and throwing at the suggestion of it, so it's hard to challenge the comforting behaviours in those situations.

My DD used to spend ages every night describing the good dreams she was going to have but we started melatonin and she has stoped that - although she's transferred to playing a repetitive puppet game for a long time every night.

It's really hard to know the line between OCD and ASD, but she stopped in the street the other day and said she was having a 'bad dream' about her things burning in our house and based on family history that does sound like OCD to me, thoughts flying into your head you can't control.

Thanks for all the responses - if you've got any links to point me to I'd love them. My DC has had (I hope) a very safe childhood - the most disturbing is that she has a big sister who can have violent meltdowns who is also under assessment. My younger one finds that very upsetting.

[rosie2345]

Sorry it's taken me a while to reply. Yes, that sounds like what I used to do. Unfortunately I don't know exactly what would have helped, you'll have to speak to a child psychiatrist I would suggest? But I do know that in general reassurance feeds OCD and finding a way to get her to break the cycle and let her see that she can go to bed/sleep on her own will be the kindest thing for her for her life. I still have serious problems/fear of sleeping and I'm in my thirties but it wasn't addressed when I was a child. Best of luck! Xx

[Greyhound22]

I have had OCD from childhood and no I didn't have nightmares.

Are you sure these thoughts are when she is sleeping or are they just running through her head?

FWIW DS5 likes doing repetitive games etc and always has a new 'worry' on the go - fire or 'robbers' breaking in is one but I don't suspect OCD.

[31133004Taff]

@obliquesqueak .

[obliquesqueak]

That’s interesting @Greyhound22. it’s hard to describe, I see the repetitive behaviours/speech etc particularly on days when she’s showing other signs of being more anxious - walking slowly, chewing fingers, making a funny move with her mouth she only does when anxious and she’s especially prone to repetition in the morning on the way to school and after school, both times when she’s worn out and anxious.

Certainly we have a lot of family who have lots of nightmares and bad thoughts popping into their heads, and less obvious rituals as the type of OCD they have. It seems to be genetic in nature.

We know we need to see specialists, it takes so long to get to see anyone and then whoever you do see often isn’t that helpful or says they seem fine on that day!

@rosie2345 so we don’t say there could never be a fire, we say, if there was a fire it would be ok, we’ve got insurance, we could build a new house and get new things etc. Bedtime is harder as even getting her into bed is hard and she doesn’t have the words yet to know why she’s so scared. She’ll say I don’t want bad dreams and we say it'll be ok you can come and get mummy etc.

I know the advice for anxiety is the same, praise the coping rather than remind them that they did something dangerous.

Thanks everyone - wanted a quick sense as we are going down an asd route and I wasn’t sure, maybe we can discuss with the paediatrician at the next appointment.

[Downunderduchess]

I’ve had OCD & anxiety to varying degrees since I was little. I take medication now and it is very effective. What I remember most from when I was little is that I liked things to be a certain way and I thrived on routine. I like things in their place and feel uncomfortable if they aren’t. I was very shy and always a bit of a loner and bookworm. In that respect I think I would say it has helped me to be independent because I don’t mind being on my own and like my own company. So it’s not all bad/negative. I still enjoy my family & friends!

[obliquesqueak]

@downunderduchess my other dd is like that, gets very upset if things are touched or moved. I’m like that too (I don’t believe I have OCD though, no rituals), but this dc doesn’t mind where things are in her room yet, but new things or getting rid of old things upsets her.

Yes, my dh and I keep reminding ourselves that we are ok and a lot of these issues are like aspects of us.

[Greyhound22]

OP just to add I have it and have from childhood. I have had CBT but never medication (not that there's anything wrong with that) it has never stopped me doing anything - I've been to uni - have a family and hold down a v good job. It actually helps me in some ways I'm very organised and have a lot of storage space! It does have negative aspects I grant you but just to show it doesn't have to be devastating.

It is genetic it runs through my dad's line although they're not from the UK (and are in their 70's) so it's never been officially diagnosed.

[GeePipe]

I was born with ocd. Displayed signs as a toddler and became very mentally unwell aged 6 from it. I had very vivid nightmares and was convinced all sorts of mad stories were real as well as being obsessed that i was going to hell. It then progressed to obsessive hand washing because everything was contaminated by germs.

[obliquesqueak]

@Greyhound22 that’s good to hear - we’ve got at least 4 diagnosed OCD folk in our family, I’d say it’s had a very bad impact on their personal lives (and I can’t talk to them about it because it’s something we never talk about and it’s not on my side) but they are all high functioning - successful, holding degrees and good jobs.

The effort of masking the OCD must be very draining

[rosie2345]

Yeah, sorry it's really hard for me to advise on how to treat a child with it as I was the child myself so I don't have experience! I just know that with OCD in general you're meant to not reassure because OCD is about learning to live with life's uncertainty. So for instance, for an adult with the house burning down scenario, you wouldn't say "it's unlikely etc", you'd say, "maybe it will, maybe it won't", and then with enough exposure of leaving the house and it returning and being fine the sufferer would begin to lose the anxiety...not sure if this is too harsh with a child though! You definitely need to enlist the support of a children's mental health professional to make sure you do it the right way. The sleeping thing is so hard and I'm still to this day not sure exactly what my parents could have done to help me get over it, but it is also quite common so I think a child psychologist could really help you. Good luck!

[rosie2345]

Oh and yes, as other posters have said, I've actually been successful/happy in life in general so OCD doesn't have to mean lower quality of life...but tackling it head on is key.

[obliquesqueak]

Thanks @rosie2345 - we’ve had the fire situation again today and we’ve been through where we would get replacement cuddly toys from if the worst happened and that things would be ok. Dd is already under assessment so I can only hope we get some professional advice soon.

[chester18]

I've used the Dawn Heubner books with my ds, there's one about worrying too much and one about ocd. Not sure if your dd would be a little bit young but might help you think about some strategies.

[obliquesqueak]

Thanks for the recommendation @chester18, I’ll get this, I see it has advice on not unwittingly maintaining the OCD.

[Elle7rose]

Aw your poor DD.

Could you just say something like 'Mummy (and other parent) are in charge of the house so you don't need to worry about that; all you need to worry about is having fun'. I know that you are not supposed to provide reassurance for OCD (I have it and have done since age 7) but this isn't established OCD yet and it might help her to calm down if you let her know that it's not the kind of thing that she needs to worry about.

If you decide not to provide reassurance then it would be a good idea to help her challenge the thoughts- so for example by saying that houses very rarely burn down, it hardly ever happens, which is true.

One technique that is used for kids with OCD is to give the OCD a name- this could work even in the absence of a diagnosis- you could say that some kids have a 'Worry gremlin' that makes them worry about things that won't happen but they're just like nightmares and they aren't real. That you just have to ignore the naughty worry gremlin because he's always saying silly things. That way if she tells you she's worried that the house will burn down you can just say 'Oh that's just the worry gremlin- that's not real'.

I think that from what you've said, at the moment it sounds more like she is suffering from anxiety and ritualistic behaviour rather than OCD- for example it doesn't sound like she does compulsions to prevent the house burning down yet but it definitely sounds like she needs help to navigate through all these worries.

[obliquesqueak]

I can easily see the development though - she talks about making sure all the candles are out and I’m discouraging her checking.

I am both saying that’s unlikely to happen and also saying, if it did happen, it would be ok and walking through how it would be ok. She is too distressed for me not to provide reassurance sometimes in the form of sleeping with her etc but we are more cognisant both to reassure about worst case scenarios being unlikely and not that bad.

Let’s hope it’ll help - this thread has been very useful, thank you to everyone that contributed.

[StillNotANewUser]

This sounds a lot like me as a child, I’ve got ASD not OCD (diagnosed as an adult). One of the key things the psychologist was interested in was whether I did the repetitive behaviors because I felt that doing them would guard against the bad things happening (typical OCD-type thinking) or whether they were comfort sensory behaviours to self-soothe and reduce the distress the thoughts were having (more ASD thinking). I was the latter, and I’m sure there’s some overlap but it might be useful to know while you’re waiting for professional assessment.

Also, I was never able to tell my parents about my awful thoughts and worries. Well done for being the type of parent your dd can talk to .