Do I have PND? Or just a baby? And are there ways of coping without drugs.

[twocatsonthebed]

So, here I am, dd 4.5 months, me physically recovered, if a bit stout. Nothing's that bad, but nothing's that great either. I'm tired, no, exhausted, utterly without energy, and can cry at the drop of a hat (as well as shout at DH for no good reason). I don't really feel like myself at all - I'm usually energetic and fantastically cheerful.

And there's no reason for me to feel like this. I'm blessed with a baby who sleeps, and a dh who works from home and is a fantastic support, so I feel as though I have no excuse at all. And to all appearances, I'm coping fine: getting dressed every day, cooking dinner, talking to people, getting out and about and so on. So I think I'd get pretty short shrift from the HV (not that she's very interested in me anyway, and it's an open clinic) or the doctor.

So, is this PND, or just the normal fabric of life with a baby? And, given that no dr is likely to prescribe me ADs, what can I do to make myself feel better? I am trying to go for a walk most days, do some gardening, but what else?

[Jessicatmagnificat]

Hi all.

Twocats - it's not the Rachel Cusk book is it? I keep meaning to read this, but have heard that it is depressing, and don't know if that would be helpful at the moment?!? I will order the Naomi Stadlen book to have a look at. I will have to join MN properly so I can CAT you (adds to list of things to do emoticon).

Well, looking forward to the weekend, as at least that means I have DH to help out, and that means a bit more time for myself. And the chance to share a bottle of wine!

MN is full of creative types. How is the writing going? I feel so knackered and rushed these days that I don't make time for any serious reading or writing of my own at the moment. But I have started keeping a blog about the books DD and I read together(children's literature is something I've got a lot of strong opinions about as a bit of a bookworm myself) and I'm hoping this might inspire me a bit.

Well, keep buggering on, and speak to you all soon XX

[twocatsonthebed]

No, Rachel Cusk is marginally less unremittingly grim than Kate Figes, but it's a thin margin. It's called (now I am on the other computer and sitting next to it) Making Babies by Anne Enright. It's a rather more 'poetic' bit of writing but more emotional too. Mind you, I'm not sure why I'm in the business of recommending books, when I haven't read any myself for ages. At the start, when feeds took ages and she was smaller, I read while I was breastfeeding her; but now it only takes a short time, and she kicks away anything I rest on the arm of the chair.

meandmymonkey. I haven't hardly read anything in the way of parenting books, but when I was pregnant, I read all manner of books about the experience of being a mother, in the hope that this might send me out the other side prepared. (research is such a big part of my work that I do tend to transfer that to other parts of my life, even when it's obviously pointless). But I did avoid 'Kevin', just in case it sent me over the edge.

Me? I only write my diary at the moment. The notion of finding a couple of mornings childcare so that I can settle down to it is a bit daunting at the moment, or I am procrastinating. Probably the latter. Meandmymonkey are you writing with or without childcare? If the latter, I need to know your secret.

Jessicat - I have CAT and will CAT you later; off to view a house now (a cheap one, so I don't have to go back to work...)

[MeAndMyMonkey]

Just checking in to see how everyone's doing?
Twocats, sorry we have turned this thread into a semi-book club... I hope you are feeling better generally and the visit to the dr's helped somewhat?
Meanwhile, I'm struggling a bit with work/childcare (ie lack of) and therefore feeling very pressured... plus high-spirited baby monkey has been excessively, well, high-spirited of late, so it's been hard work.
I just want a magic wand (or failing that about £50k...)to make it all better... I feel I'm almost there and kind of coping but not exactly my usual self.
I think I used to be fun, cannot quite remember now!

[twocatsonthebed]

It's not impossible that being bookish may be a warning sign for PND of course...

And yes, thankyou for asking, I am feeling a bit better. Some of this would have happened anyway, I think, not least because I am taking a quite awe-inspiring selection of vitamins in the morning. But I have decided to take the ADs - as I think I have said elsewhere on this thread, it's not so much for the PND as anxiety, which I've had for ages and ages and just got used to living with. Having dd has definitely made it worse - we have to go to London next week and I was practially having panic attacks thinking about a pushchair on Oford Street - and reading some of the threads on MN has also made me realise that it's not quite norma. So I am taking this as an opportunity to sort it out. And I'm going to get some CBT on the NHS as well.

And the doctor was wonderful - and very intuitive. I'd been thinking about the anxiety, and when I got into her office, she had an 'is it depression or is it anxiety' test on her desk ready! And she's prescribed me something different which works better for anxiety. So, we shall see. I do feel better already - brighter, without feeling blunted, and I'm getting a whole lot more done, rather than thinking 'oh I can't be bothered'. (More like my usual self if you like). But I also feel a bit of a fraud, or a failure, for taking them as well, so you can't win.

I know what you mean about that extra £50k. We're seriously thinking about getting a much cheaper house (we're renting at the moment - wanted to check out living outside London before we committed!) for four years or so, so that I don't have to stress about work until she goes to nursery. But I guess that all of that isn't much of an option in London.

[LeBe]

Hi. Just wanted to say that when i read your post it was like i had written it! So i too am hoping its normal. My ds is 6 months and i love him more tananything in the world and he is an angel compared to most babies but i am still exhausted. When i see people i put on a big smile which is sometimes a false one and everyone thinks im fine its only dp who knows otherwise. My hv is also not interested in the slightest and feel i am being silly to go and talk to the doctor about it and last time i went she was very short with me so didnt have the courage to say anyway. I also thought mine was an isolation problem so made great efforts to go to groups etc where my dys are now nearly full of things to do, but the new worry is im not spending enough quality time with ds cos we are always running about doing stuff! Oh dear i sound like a right wierdo now! Sorry x

[twocatsonthebed]

No, not a right wierdo at all, come on in...

And I know exactly how you feel; on bad days staying in makes me worse, and going out to see other mothers makes me feel worse still.

But it is worth persevering with the doctor - or perhaps seeing another one at the surgery - my practice has someone who specialises in mental health, and she has been wonderful, and is really making a difference.

[LeBe]

Thanks twocatsonthebed.

Bascially at my surgery we have a hv who is rude and has a go at you, 2 male docs who think you are overeacting having never had babies themselves and 1 female doc who is usually nice and who i always go and see but because ive been alot latley i think she thinks im a hypercondriact (sp?) My other worry,is that if i say im feeling this way they might think im not looking after my ds and call social services, I know this is silly cos my ds is obviously very well cared for and everyone says im doing a great job but it still worries me.

Bascially i had a kind of bad pg, a very traumatic birth, tons of stitches and problems with infections and excessive bleeding, I am still 3stone heavier than when i started and am covered in stretchmarks i know everyone says this but they go right down my legs too and the combination has really got me down, everyone says ds is worth it all tho and believe me he is i would go through it all 10 times for him but it doesnt make it any easier!

Sorry for waffling!

[twocatsonthebed]

Poor you, I think any right-thinking person would have PND after a bad pregnancy and a traumatic birth (and, for what it's worth, that any male doctor ought to be able to see that).

And of course they're not going to refer you to social services - if anything, I think that asking for help makes you a better mother, not a worse one. I'd try and see the female doctor if you can, I'm so pleased I did myself. Just admitting everything wasn't alright was a great relief!

[LeBe]

Thanks for the advice twocatsonthebed. I think i will take your advice and go to see the female doctor again, hopefully she will be in a better mood and i will be able to talk to her.

I hope you are feeling better though. x