Want to run away

[Pookie76]

Its my first time posting on here, and I am at the end of my tether. I have 2 children 3 and 2, and I have suffered from depression in the past but "snapped myself out of it" as I didn't want meds.
Recently tho, i could feel myself descending into a dark place and I don't know what my true feelings are whether they are really mine, or because I am getting depressed again.

I feel all i am doing is shouting at my children and snapping and getting cross over sillyt things, and that I am losing my grip. I hater to say it but I feel I could lash out at them but I stop myself, but it scares me :'(
Today I feel I dont want to be here anymore, i wish I could get in car and drive and not come back, and i feel guilty for having these thoughts but i dont even feel like i love my children or my dp at all and although i know deep down i do, i want to go. I am sick of dp saying he will help me yet he never does, the first thing he did when he came home was go on the pc even though he knew i hadnt been very well yesterday, he promised he would come and help do some chores (i havent stopped doing them all week!) and he did f**k all. I am sick of it. Sick of my life not being how I imagined it to be. I know this sounds selfish and horrid but all i am doing is sitting here crying and I want to run away now but i am scared.

[MrsBigD]

Pookie some kind of friend that is! No it's not all that easy to 'snap out of it' if and when suffering from depression! It's not just a bad mood or temporary 'life sucks' it's an illness!

May I ask whether this friend of yours has kids and/or knows what depression is?

Don't let a careless comment by a friend get you down. Most people who haven't 'been there' don't know how to handle depression. FFS my brother is a psychologist and he still sometimes comes out with some 'gems'

Hope you feel more upbeat soon. Didn't catch where you are based but if it helps feel free to email me (or cat me) if you want to chat in private.

I had people on here (mn) help me when I was in the dumps so more than happy to pass the favour on.

[Mumpbump]

Important question is, do you have any good days as well?

Perhaps I'm naive, but I think everyone has days when they have just had enough and want to run away from it all. You are certainly not along in this, I frequently do - emmigration has crossed my mind as a serious possibility a few times (except it breaks my heart to think of DH coming home to a screaming baby and a note on the table), as well as doing a "Reginald Perrin" (a bloke who faked his own death to get away from it all) - and you might think I'm joking... Personally, I've always found it a question of holding on in there until things get better, but I guess it depends how bad you're feeling. Nothing worse than being told to snap out of it, though. My mother always says you have to remember when you're feeling very low that you will get through it and when you do, you will be stronger as a result of knowing that you've got through it once and can get through it again.

If you need support from your other half, can't you sit down together, write a list of household chores/childcare duties and divvy it up between you (and maybe even when the particular jobs will get done if that's not too anal)? If he actually accepts responsibility for individual tasks and chooses his own time to do them, it's harder for him to duck out of than a general promise "to help". I said to my other half that I wanted him to take our baby for one morning at the weekend so I could have some time and space to myself - can you and your partner do something similar?

Might be worth trying before opting for medication - if it doesn't work, go for the meds! I have friends who have had terrible experiences with trying to stop taking prozac and a close relative who has a prescription drug dependency, so would try to avoid it myself. That said, I am sure there are better options available nowadays.

[Pookie76]

Hi, thanks for your replies
I DO have good days too, and my friend in question said she went thru a bad patch last year with a grandparent dying and that she snapped out of her rock bottom low etc. But I dont feel her advice was all that good and she wasnt depressed as such just grieving (which is bad too obviously!!) but I feel all uptight about her advice because she doesnt know me all that well and as someone who has been thru depression before, I know it isnt that easy.

My partner is being v supportive and says he wants to help me get thru it again and will do whatever it takes to make me happy, couldn't ask for more really.

I want to make a real effort to get some more exercise as I know it does help, if only I can get my arse off this sofa!! lol

[morocco]

hiya
my kids aer the same age as yours and it is hard work at the best of times if you're at home with them all day, esp during the summer (no nursery!!). When I was feeling low last year, I didn't want to do these things so feel free to ignore, but looking back it was very helpful once I eventually started doing them.
I spent large amounts of time out of the house and in any mum and toddler etc group I could find - also made me lessl ikely to yell at kids and was a bit social.
I started an exercise class and put the kids in creche for that hour. I was lucky and got it through surestart so it was free but if you can afford it at all, it is well worth it - break form kids and also exercise.
I put ds1 in nursery for his free hours and ds2 is starting this september. I didn't think I was ready to 'let go' but I needed that break from the kids.
It has helped me a lot and right now I feel better. I'm also working more right now which has boosted my self esteem and also given me yet more of 'adult' time.
hth

[alexa1]

Hi pookie, sorry to hear u are really low at the moment. I have 2 young kids and have felt depressed since my DD's birth 4 years ago. I also suffer with panic disorder.I to didn't want to take AD's and have tried alternative methods first.

Try Reflexology, meditation and Reiki (there should be a qualified reflexologist in your area)
Exercise regularly, eat healthily, cut down on the booze ( I feel a hypocrite say that as I get through 3 bottle of wine a week) as it can make u feel worse.

Try and have some time out Just for you. My DH Doesn't help out much either and I feel like leaving sometimes but I couldn't leave the kids for too long. What I do is, make up excuses about Dental or doctors appts and end up going for a Coffee somewhere on my one just for some peace and quiet to get away from the kids. My parent don't help out much neither do my in-laws. They all wanted grandchildren but as soon as they came along and they seen how hard it is they don't want to know.

Give your DH and utimatum. Tell him unless he helps out more u are going on a two week holiday on your own and leaving him with the kids. That will get his arse into gear. I've told my DH this many a time.

I hope u feel better soon. Try the reflexology and excercise and if all else fails go to your GP. I won't take AD's unless I feel things are really really bad, but that's just me, others on here have said it has helped them loads.