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Mental health

Want to run away

30 replies

Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 11:03

Its my first time posting on here, and I am at the end of my tether. I have 2 children 3 and 2, and I have suffered from depression in the past but "snapped myself out of it" as I didn't want meds.
Recently tho, i could feel myself descending into a dark place and I don't know what my true feelings are whether they are really mine, or because I am getting depressed again.

I feel all i am doing is shouting at my children and snapping and getting cross over sillyt things, and that I am losing my grip. I hater to say it but I feel I could lash out at them but I stop myself, but it scares me :'(
Today I feel I dont want to be here anymore, i wish I could get in car and drive and not come back, and i feel guilty for having these thoughts but i dont even feel like i love my children or my dp at all and although i know deep down i do, i want to go. I am sick of dp saying he will help me yet he never does, the first thing he did when he came home was go on the pc even though he knew i hadnt been very well yesterday, he promised he would come and help do some chores (i havent stopped doing them all week!) and he did f**k all. I am sick of it. Sick of my life not being how I imagined it to be. I know this sounds selfish and horrid but all i am doing is sitting here crying and I want to run away now but i am scared.

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alexa1 · 01/09/2006 15:35

Hi pookie, sorry to hear u are really low at the moment. I have 2 young kids and have felt depressed since my DD's birth 4 years ago. I also suffer with panic disorder.I to didn't want to take AD's and have tried alternative methods first.

Try Reflexology, meditation and Reiki (there should be a qualified reflexologist in your area)
Exercise regularly, eat healthily, cut down on the booze ( I feel a hypocrite say that as I get through 3 bottle of wine a week) as it can make u feel worse.

Try and have some time out Just for you. My DH Doesn't help out much either and I feel like leaving sometimes but I couldn't leave the kids for too long. What I do is, make up excuses about Dental or doctors appts and end up going for a Coffee somewhere on my one just for some peace and quiet to get away from the kids. My parent don't help out much neither do my in-laws. They all wanted grandchildren but as soon as they came along and they seen how hard it is they don't want to know.

Give your DH and utimatum. Tell him unless he helps out more u are going on a two week holiday on your own and leaving him with the kids. That will get his arse into gear. I've told my DH this many a time.

I hope u feel better soon. Try the reflexology and excercise and if all else fails go to your GP. I won't take AD's unless I feel things are really really bad, but that's just me, others on here have said it has helped them loads.

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morocco · 01/09/2006 15:33

hiya
my kids aer the same age as yours and it is hard work at the best of times if you're at home with them all day, esp during the summer (no nursery!!). When I was feeling low last year, I didn't want to do these things so feel free to ignore, but looking back it was very helpful once I eventually started doing them.
I spent large amounts of time out of the house and in any mum and toddler etc group I could find - also made me lessl ikely to yell at kids and was a bit social.
I started an exercise class and put the kids in creche for that hour. I was lucky and got it through surestart so it was free but if you can afford it at all, it is well worth it - break form kids and also exercise.
I put ds1 in nursery for his free hours and ds2 is starting this september. I didn't think I was ready to 'let go' but I needed that break from the kids.
It has helped me a lot and right now I feel better. I'm also working more right now which has boosted my self esteem and also given me yet more of 'adult' time.
hth

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Pookie76 · 01/09/2006 15:21

Hi, thanks for your replies
I DO have good days too, and my friend in question said she went thru a bad patch last year with a grandparent dying and that she snapped out of her rock bottom low etc. But I dont feel her advice was all that good and she wasnt depressed as such just grieving (which is bad too obviously!!) but I feel all uptight about her advice because she doesnt know me all that well and as someone who has been thru depression before, I know it isnt that easy.

My partner is being v supportive and says he wants to help me get thru it again and will do whatever it takes to make me happy, couldn't ask for more really.

I want to make a real effort to get some more exercise as I know it does help, if only I can get my arse off this sofa!! lol

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Mumpbump · 01/09/2006 13:45

Important question is, do you have any good days as well?

Perhaps I'm naive, but I think everyone has days when they have just had enough and want to run away from it all. You are certainly not along in this, I frequently do - emmigration has crossed my mind as a serious possibility a few times (except it breaks my heart to think of DH coming home to a screaming baby and a note on the table), as well as doing a "Reginald Perrin" (a bloke who faked his own death to get away from it all) - and you might think I'm joking... Personally, I've always found it a question of holding on in there until things get better, but I guess it depends how bad you're feeling. Nothing worse than being told to snap out of it, though. My mother always says you have to remember when you're feeling very low that you will get through it and when you do, you will be stronger as a result of knowing that you've got through it once and can get through it again.

If you need support from your other half, can't you sit down together, write a list of household chores/childcare duties and divvy it up between you (and maybe even when the particular jobs will get done if that's not too anal)? If he actually accepts responsibility for individual tasks and chooses his own time to do them, it's harder for him to duck out of than a general promise "to help". I said to my other half that I wanted him to take our baby for one morning at the weekend so I could have some time and space to myself - can you and your partner do something similar?

Might be worth trying before opting for medication - if it doesn't work, go for the meds! I have friends who have had terrible experiences with trying to stop taking prozac and a close relative who has a prescription drug dependency, so would try to avoid it myself. That said, I am sure there are better options available nowadays.

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MrsBigD · 01/09/2006 13:37

Pookie some kind of friend that is! No it's not all that easy to 'snap out of it' if and when suffering from depression! It's not just a bad mood or temporary 'life sucks' it's an illness!

May I ask whether this friend of yours has kids and/or knows what depression is?

Don't let a careless comment by a friend get you down. Most people who haven't 'been there' don't know how to handle depression. FFS my brother is a psychologist and he still sometimes comes out with some 'gems'

Hope you feel more upbeat soon. Didn't catch where you are based but if it helps feel free to email me (or cat me) if you want to chat in private.

I had people on here (mn) help me when I was in the dumps so more than happy to pass the favour on.

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Pookie76 · 01/09/2006 13:11

This is a response I got when I opened up to a friend today about how I had been feeling...

"... It is just a case of snapping out of it, and getting yourself together..."

Is it really that simple? I am finding it hard to "snap out of it" to be honest.

I started off feeling more postive today and its slowly sliding downhill and I want to stop it.

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Holidaymum · 31/08/2006 12:12

Please just ignore your feelings for a short while! Its likely to be the depression. Can you not get your dp to have the kids while you go? You need to be alone with the gp. Choose the one you like most, I understand that they may not be ideal but there will be at least one there who is good with depression, if necessary ask the receptionist or health visitor.

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MrsBigD · 31/08/2006 12:09

redsky, I know I shouldn't, but I had to smile at the comment your d(?)h made... aren't they all just the same? In a previous relationship I went on strike once and only did the most necessary things like wash MY clothes, and do a few dishes when the plates were out just to see how long it would take for xp to even notice... do I even need to say it? In the end I had to blitz the flat because it was doing my head in...

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Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 12:09

redsky - I am summoning up courage to ring gp now. But I dont want to drag my children down to the surgery and dont have anyone to leave them with either.
i have also just been on the phone to dp and in tears and he says we need to talk about this when I am home, and I will do what i can to make things better housework wise, but he then makes excuses about wanting to spend time with me etc. I know its depression talking but I feel like I just wish he would bugger off for good. I feel like I hate him.

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redsky · 31/08/2006 11:58

pookie - wish I could wave a magic wand for you. For me anti depressants have worked really well. It has taken me YEARS tho to learn that I've got to keep taking the meds even when I think I'm better. Also I've had to change medication a few times when one no longer works. Please go and see your gp. If you don't it can all get horribly worse.

I wish I had been much tougher about getting my dp to help me with the chores years ago. We've just reached our 25th wedding anniversay, I'm depressed AGAIN, done no chores for about a week so the house looks sh*t, and dp just tells me not to worry about it as it will all get sorted again once my new meds kick in! Why can't HE pull his finger out for a few days and DO something practical??????

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MrsBigD · 31/08/2006 11:52

pookie sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I've been there last year and was also ready to pack up and go. Had pnd with late onset after both births. First GP was a brilliant woman who's been there too so very helpful. For the second time round I saw a male doctor as I had changed surgery. However, that was no issue. I did not automatically put me on AD's nor tell me straight up to 'pull myself together' (my mother did along with the guilt trip thing 'when I had depression after having you kids nobody acknowleged and helped').

The GP was bril in the way that he asked me whith what expectations I had come to him, i.e. wanting meds, councelling etc. I opted for both as meds (paroxetin) had helped previously by taking the edge of and me not wanting to throttle/throw the kids against the wall.

Also requested councelling but had to wait for yonks (very helpful that NOT!) and as yourself I didn't find the session very helpful. Then again I guess it depends on how good the counceller is. Mine I considered rubbish and didn't go back.

As for your family being anti-meds... just don't tell them.

Sorry to ramble hope this helps a little. Even if it's just to know that you're not alone.

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Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 11:45

They don't have women gps at our surgery, we live in a small village (all too close for comfort iykwim!) - I spoke to a man last time and he was ok, but al he kept telling me was I was also overweight (Im 12 stone) and that I needed to cut down booze (thats another issue altogether

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/08/2006 11:41

DP's mum was on valium. That was his reservation about me taking AD's. He thought they would be addictive too, and so didnt want me to take them. His mum was addicted to valium for over 30 yeras.

Pookie, just ring your gp...surely they have a woman gp there?

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Holidaymum · 31/08/2006 11:38

Possibly! They don't give that out anymore as a rule thank god! As you said things have changed big time! And I'm the same over my family, the last thing you need to do is justify yourself and explain stuff.

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Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 11:37

Wish I had known about mumsnet before now, ive used other baby boards but as most people "know" me on there (and dp might see posts) Ive been wondering where to turn. You have all been really helpful, now I just need to work out my next step I think. Bit difficult when you only have old male gp's and I don't know who my HV is as it changes weekly by all accounts!

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/08/2006 11:36

Im thinking of valium, arent i?

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Holidaymum · 31/08/2006 11:35

Pookie, gps will monitor it very carefully and prescribe what is right for your symptoms. I had to try a couple of different meds before I found what worked. People love scare stories, there are way more success ones out there though.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/08/2006 11:35

Most people dont understand depression pookie, unless they have had it themselves. They think its an "emotion". But, its not so basic as that. Its a chemical imbalance in teh brain brought about by change in hormones etc or by a trauma/huge stress.

Most of my family dont know i have depression. I cant be doing with explaining it.

Have a look at the first post on here....about post natal depression experience but relates to all depression

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Holidaymum · 31/08/2006 11:34

VVV Prozac is also an ssri and works the same way! Its also a modern drug

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Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 11:32

holidaymum, i dont know why I am so scared tbh, think its like admitting i have a problem when ive been able t brush it under carpet for so long. Also I am scared of side effects as a couple of friends of mine have found themselves more depressed than they were to start with, which scares me.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/08/2006 11:32

It probably wont be prozac pookie.

AD's have moved on alot in recent years. I take sertraline/lustral which is an ssri (seratonin something reuptake inhibitor).

Basically it increases the production and distribution of seratonin in the brain (which is what goes wrong with depression). You take them for long enough until the levels get right again, and then slowly come off them so that the brain learns to produce and distribute seratonin on its own again.

Please ring the doctors. Its okay to go there and sob for half an hour. It usually gives them a pretty good insight as to how you are feeling. Counselling is also good, btw, not that i have needed it.

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Holidaymum · 31/08/2006 11:32

Do they need to know? You need to do what will help you the most. Ideally they should support you but if not make sure you get well! I didn't tell my mum because I knew she would worry and moan about it!

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Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 11:29

Phatcat - I do have both boys in nursery one afternoon a week and one of them goes an addtional afternoon, and i feel i cant ask my parents fo rhelp as my dad has been poorly. I cant tell them I feel down as I get the same reply everytime "what do you have to be down about, you have 2 lovely children, nice house." blah blah.
My mum in particular is very anti meds and in fact most of them are, they seem to think i should snap myself out of it as i managed to before.

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Holidaymum · 31/08/2006 11:29

Why are you so scared of prozac? It worked for me no side effects at all, plus there are plenty of other anti depressants. St leats have the discussion a gp might be able to reassure you more.

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Pookie76 · 31/08/2006 11:25

Thank u for your replies, I am sat here and I know I should ring gp or hv but i am scared, i went down the whole counselling route when i was pg with my 2nd child and didn't feel it helped a great deal at the time. I really am scared of taking tablets like Prozac etc though and think if I go thats what they will automatically tell ne to take.

I know all the things that make me feel better in the past. e.g. exercise etc. but dp cancelled the gym I used, to save money (yet he goes out weekly biking...) and I dont get chance to get any decent exercise, as I am stuck in house with 2 toddlers and dont get any time to myself anymore, and I know it makes me feel better when i do it, plus it would help me lose weight (another part of why I am down).
God I am rambling on sorry

I wish i could just shake the feeling of wanting to tell dp i want to leave him and run away but i know its not the answer.

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