if you feel those winter blues, move to our Village, spread the news!

[ThatVikRinA22]

new thread folks.....im losing track but i think this might be our 7th!

all welcome. old and new. This is a supportive place for anyone suffering with any type of mental health issue.

im on Sertraline (ADs) and have been since last December. I had 6 months off work with depression and anxiety and the ladies on these threads kept me going.

Feel free to post, to comment, to ask questions, or just to lurk and feel less alone.
everyone in the village is lovely.

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi lem quite a strong name change there! Good for you on the front room front, and brilliant to find and keep that feedback form. I bet you were brilliant too . Look forward to hearing about the knitting!

ddwerf yes I can relate to that disconnect. Good to hear you're feeling less stressed for being separated. Hope your days been ok.

Well I am back in from another night out. Hardly ever go out midweek and then I have two in a row. School mums, but without the two that I feel are rather cliquey (and I feel don't want to spend time with me cos of this yrs mh probs but am prob being paranoid )so had a nice evening.

Seeeeeriously tired, so have told dh I need an early night tomorrow. Found out the other mums are inviting their dh's to the Christmas do. I don't want to though. Much rather go on my own based on last night's experience, so not quite sure what to do now.

Am feeling like I am back to my default emotional setting of "sad" which had gone over the summer - and replaced by default being "ok" or even "content". I was the same last autumn and into the winter too (and poss earlier in the year tho not sure). Trying not to overthink (good advice hoochy) but its hard not to want to get answers to the how much is this about my relationsip with dh, how much of it is SAD, how much is being overtired increasing depression symptoms. But I will leave it there for tonight.

Night all x

[LEMisafucker]

If anyone finds my new name too strong, please say so and i will tone it down :)

CiQ do you think that your DH reminds you of your own depression?

Sorry can't post too much tonight, feeling shit

[ColouringInQueen]

(((hugs))) Sorry you're having a rubbish night. Want to talk?

And no, the name is Good

dh gives me a massive inferiority complex. I turn into a bit of a wallflower when he's around cos he's louder, has more to say and kind of piggybacks on what I say to generally say something smarter and funnier imo. Plus I don't think he's that funny and I don't like him being so loud!!! He's just so different....

[ThatVikRinA22]

evening.
just popping head around door to wave really....

feel a bit drained tonight. have been to a very nasty domestic abuse situation, took a massive statement, then victim retracted complaint.
i talked to victim
victim called back to say they would go ahead.
(yay!!)
im glad but its been a bit - draining? though i am pleased that i have had some sort of impact and am helping in some way.

right. have just got in really, walked pooch, am having a glass of wine. getting pup saturday! i have that to really look forward to....

[Guaparesaca]

Hi again

reading through all your posts it sounds like we're all really hard on ourselves when circumstances are so challenging. Managing other people's feelings, supporting others, feeling the pressure of expectation from others about how to be, god it's all so exhausting and confusing.

I have come to the conclusion that my MH is affected by the change in season, not sure that my Mirena is adding to the mood swings, having a chronic health condition also influences me.

From the more recent training (and the clinical work I am doing with children) I am reflecting more on my own childhood and attachment history. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes that I am in this situation. I was born incredibly prematurely and as a result my DM has always been very controlling, just accepted that as a child but once a teenager it was stifling and did my self-esteem no favours at all. Even now as an adult I have probably put the opinions of others above my own, not trusted my own judgement- getting better at putting own needs first now but it is a long process. Only counselling has helped me with this and yes I guess also the training I have undertaken myself, it's like a lightbulb some of it. Why are we so bloody harsh on ourselves? Another thing, while I'm at it- why I wonder did my DM criticise me for being 'too sensitive'? It's true I probably did cry quite easily as a young child but now I realise and appreciate child development and NORMAL attachment and see that maybe my needs were not getting met by either of my parents, for whatever reason. I think I am also one of those 'Hyper Sensitive people' (I read a v interesting thread on here in fact recently) and do really sense feelings and atmospheres around people. I am vulnerable but it can be a positive quality too, especially when working so closely with individuals in a counselling situation.

Navel gazing today- where did that come from?!

My third morning of using the Lumie so will report back how it works.

LEM I also applaud your name and think it should stay! I relate to your job situation too- I worked in FE for many years (though mainly eve classes but still, some day classes were TOUGH) and you must know how hard you slaved away all those years and you must know you made a difference. It is truly crap when you use so much emotional energy in teaching students who do not give a shit, even worse when your line manager is a coward and completely unappreciative. Hold on to that nugget of positive feedback, it's so precious, it speaks the truth.

[Guaparesaca]

CIQ let's stick together, us counsellors! Who says your DH has more to say? Just because he says it in a louder volume doesn't automatically mean it is of more worth. So he's had his cbt and seems to be better- what about you now? You've been coping all this time being the strong one and it sounds like this is the fall-out from that. I hope your day is going okay.

[MooseyFate]

Hello everyone.
I need some help. I think I have depression. I've never had it before, not really, just the odd periods of low mood which I expect everyone gets. Since beginning of September I feel as if I've been spiralling down. I hate this time of year anyway, it always triggers a low mood but this time other things seem to be going wrong. I have no sex drive. Nothing at all, it's completely gone. I usually fairly "normal" in that department. My DH is very worried and thinks I've gone off him. I have a lot of headaches, and feel very tired, particularly in the morning. Some days I don't know how I'll get out of bed. I don't want to talk to anyone or go out. I'm functioning day to day, getting things done, but I feel as If I'm going through the motions. I feel very bad about myself - I don't feel as if I have anything worth contributing. I have an appointment at the doctor but the earliest I could get was first week of November.

Work is shit. I work from home so I don't have much daily interaction with colleagues apart from email. I'm supposed to work part-time but for the past few months I've been given so much work that I wouldn't even get through it in a full day. The work is very stressful and demanding. I only even hear from my boss when she wants to crap on me - often for totally trivial things. Today I reached a sort of breaking point. She wanted to speak to me about some minor issue again but I couldn't bear to phone her back. I've been in tears. I'm on the point of telling them to stick the job. We would cope financially (just). I don't want to make a rash decision though so I think I will wait until after I've seen the doctor but I think my health is more important than having money for luxuries.

I'm not asking for a diagnosis but do you think I'd get a prescription for ADs? I don't want to carry on feeling like this and I need to cope. My DH works away during the week, and I have a child with autism so I can't drop the ball.

[Guaparesaca]

Moosey hi there, I'm sorry you're feeling like this, from what you say it could very possibly be depression- a few things jump out- lack of sex drive when it used to be normal, not wanting to get out of your bed in the morning, withdrawing from others, feeling bad about yourself and feeling like you have nothing to contribute. I can relate to an awful lot of those.

It also sounds like there are possible triggers you have in your life- the fact that your son has autism must be hard, your DH away through the week so you're coping at home alone, your job and your boss. All these elements would be really tough on anyone- you sound like a 'coper' but now you are 'spiralling' downwards it's hard to find the resources.

You say you are going to see your gp- I think that sounds like a great plan, I hope you get the chance to have a good chat about how you've been feeling and be realistic about how your feelings are affecting you day to day. Personally speaking I found going on ADs really useful when I had PND- they took the edge off and get me through the first year of my DS' life when I felt stuck in a really dark hopeless place.

Take care x

[LEMisafucker]

Hi Moosey - welcome to the village

I don't know where you are but I would try and get an earlier doctors appointment if you can. My doctor is virtually impossible to get an appointment with, you can only book two weeks in advance and the last time i called she was already full two weeks ahead so i couldnt actally make an appointment. What you can do though is play what i call the eight o clock lottery and phone up for an emergency appointment on the day. That what i do now. Even for repeat prescriptions.

I think you need the GP appointment because it may well be worth them running some bloods - there could be a physical reason for how you feel (although i class anxiety and depression as physical) such as aneamia or hypothyroidism - both easy to treat. If it turns out to be depression, it could be seasonal, then yes, you'll find it easy to get a prescription (some might say, too easy!). Maybe consider some counselling too, to investigate why you feel so bad and help you deal with it. ADs are brilliant and i am on them, probably will be for some time. They take a while to work and you can get some shitty side effects when you first start taking them but they go pretty quick. They certainly wont make you "drop the ball" I find they help me deal with day to day things so will actually make you better at catching!

May i ask about yor mirena? I am on my second contraption now and I am a bit about it, the only thing that makes me keep it is that I don't get pmt (maybe i just feel a lower level of shit all the time!) with it.

I am sorry you are feeling rubbish - this thread is very supportive, sometimes we post epic posts about how we are feeling, sometimes its just a quick hello to let everyone know how we are doing and sending support.

[LEMisafucker]

Guapa thanks for the applause - I am not sure if i am going to stick with the namechange as all the hooha seems to be calming down on the site and i don't want to antagonise (or be a sheep!). I was looking to change from disappointed though - will have to think of something else.

I wasn't in FE teaching for very long - about six months (lightweight!) and the students were the only thing that kept me going - they were all brilliant. I was very lucky in that respect, i had an evening biology class and some A level day groups and some "difficult" students doing BTEC - It wasn't the students, it was being dropped in at the deep end with no mentoring, having to implement new continuous assesments when i had no idea if what i was doing was ok, i had no one to ask :( It just got to the point where i cracked and looking back, can see i had a breakdown. I am It could have been so very different. My background is in science and research and I have been trying to get back to that, but it isn't happening, due mostly to the way things are in academia and science in general, i have no recent experience and that makes it hard. I am actually thinking of training as a HETAS engineer (Installing log burners and lining chimneys ) but its expensive, I have done a few of these with DP and it would be nice to do something with this - will see how it goes.

I was knocked yesterday because a friend got a job - i should be pleased for her but it made me feel useless.

Has been a better day though - been doing some clay modelling with DD, its an inset day, i like it when she is home.

You said some interesting things about your mum - it rang true - I was a "miracle" child, my mum was told she couldnt concieve - so i was a huge surprise late in life. She is ultra controlling and was the reason i didnt go to university when i left school (went later in life) as she told me i woldnt be able to manage it. She was only trying to protect me, but if you spend enough time telling people they can't do something, they believe you - i still think im rubbish if im honest.

Gosh, i need to stop rabbiting on now.

CIQ (hugs) don't make any decisions re your DH, maybe tell him how you feel, there is lots going on here.

Vicar - im getting excited about the puppy, are we to be getting pics??

Snowy - if you are reading - Always thinking about you

Love and Hugs to all xx

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi Moosey welcome. I'd echo lems advice and get fully checked out by doc just to rule out thyroid, b12, vit d and iron issues. From what you write you may well be suffering from depression. Sounds like you've got a huge amount on your plate - so not surprising. Take care.

Thanks Guaparesaca sadly I'm not a counsellor, but in counselling yes fall-out from dh severe depression last year was one of the triggers for me at the start of 2013. Now its the "new" dh I'm struggling with. When we went out on wed I noticed that when I did make a comment he would piggy back it with something more concrete - eg evidence or a funny anecdote, and at the weekend, said something which he knows winds me up - and told everyone else the fact. But it all feels like nit picking. I also don't want to be the hyper-sensitive person that my mum is where you have to tip toe round her.

What you said about attachement and unmet needs makes complete sense, and I too relate to the highly sensitive issues - I do feel like I pick up on atmospheres/emotions more than others, which can be draining as well as constructive.

lem how are you doing today?

Anyhow, a little better this morning. Did some more yoga which helps. Feel like I've had a brain storm this week (not in a good way tho) Still don't want to invite dh to the school parents xmas do tho

Away this weekend, but still hoping to post.

Take care all x

[LEMisafucker]

CiQ don't ask him - i much prefer to go out on my own - i love my DP dearly and i enjoy his company but when im out he puts me on edge because sometimes he misreads social situations (imo) and says things that embarrass me. DP is pretty anti-social though so is happy to be the default babysitter not that i go out much.

[LEMisafucker]

I am ok CiQ - feel v anxious, but hey, whats new - missing my counsellor though :(

[DismemberedDwerf]

Go Halloweeny Lem? LEMisafrightener?

Moosey Sounds like it could be mild depression, get yourself to the GP and as they others say, get checked out for physical stuff. Maybe ADs will help. I'm not sure if they do for me, I was on different ones and changed do much i don't know whether the last lot helped or whether it was just time I swam back up.

CiQ I'm feeling uch less stressed and I've had a nice day pottering about town looking for a raincoat. Kids are at their dad's this weekend and I'm off out to the pub tonight for ale and laughter

[MooseyFate]

Thanks for the replies. I'm sure my doctor will check for other things - she's very thorough. It isn't contraception - I was sterilised years ago - but I am nearly 50, so maybe peri-menopause/hormonal changes are playing a part.

I am a coper. I have no-one else to rely on - my family all live abroad and no friends close enough to help. This adds to the anxiety, which in turn fuels the depression. The work situation has been the final straw really. I don't like to complain, which is also part of the problem. Today I just told my boss that I'm going to have to take a few weeks off (at least). I'm not going to get better with the work stress on top of all the other stress. I'm on a zero-hours contract (hah!) so I don't get paid for sick leave but it doesn't matter at this point.

Why did I feel bad telling her that I have depression? It wouldn't bother me to tell people that I had shingles or diabetes or some other chronic health condition. My whole life I've always felt that I have to cover up my health problems. Fortunately I've not had many. I've tried therapy in the past but didn't find it very helpful. Maybe I didn't have the right therapist. I'm quite repressed in many ways, and I don't like to open up.

I can't face the thought of the Christmas run-up plus my parents are coming to stay for a month. I just want to feel better. God it's horrible being in this hole.

[hoochymama1]

Hi Moosey

Can you get an earlier GP appointment? Cancellation? The words "mental health crisis" have got me an appointment in the past.And often they fit in emergencies at the end of the sessions.

Can the family come for a shorter time? Or you go there? Can you explain that things are a bit stressed at the moment? Don't think too far ahead.

Lots of love to you

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi all

Thanks lem yes I am going to the do on my own! And can relate to the embarrassment factor. Big sympathies re yr counsellor - I would find that v diff. Post more here if it helps..

moosey time off sounds like a v good plan. Take care.

ddwerf hope you have a lovely evening.

Well am now a brother in laws. He's recovering from depression and anxiety too. Dh had said he was doing a lot better - and I'm sure he is but he's clearly to me not at all well and his wife looks completely knackered. From conversation with bil she is finding him difficult to live with as he's v up and down and a bit hyper. Just like my dh was at the beginning of the year which is rather triggering tbh. I can't remember if dh told them about me but he seems unaware. I feel stuck - sympathetic with him but not able to be completely open. V sympathetic of sil but not able to say yes I'm coping with what yr coping with and also trying to recover myself. But I will try and say she needs to prioritise herself and seek extra support to avoid getting ill herself.

Not the weekend I was expecting. ..

[Guaparesaca]

LEM I forgot to answer your question about my Mirena. I have had this one (my first) for nearly 4.5 years, I love the way you describe how the benefit is you feel a low level of shit all of the time!

For me the pros are- no period at all, not even spotting. Bonus! It's there for 5 years and I can forget about contraception. (I do not trust condoms and was on the pill for years and felt like I should have a change.)

The cons are- I do still find I get pmt symptoms- sore heavy breasts, tender nipples, really argumentative interspersed with tearful, hopelessness, I have an 'eat week' when I just want to hoover up EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. I worry a bit about it ever failing (though I guess this could be said for all types of contraception) as the medication I'm on for my RA causes birth defects, so I MUST NOT get pregnant while on it. I know the reality is very slim, it is known to have a very high success rate but still.. I think also I fear for my mental health and the thought of going through another pregnancy (even if there were no risks to the foetus) then birth and then actually having another child fills me with utter dread.

I'll see how the next 6 months go on it by which time I'll have to go the the clinic to have it removed. Then will have to decide whether to have another one put in, mmmm? I'm only just 40 so menopause still a while away yet, methinks.

[DumDum32]

hey all :)

how is everyone doing this weekend? hope well.

I was completely wiped out after my appointment the other day so have been just resting to get my energy back up. It went well I think - the MP assured me that they will not be letting go of the case until a suitable resolution has been found so that gave me hope. It'll be another 2-3 months but with Christmas and new year coming up i think it'll likely be next year we get any kind of result :(

Hoochy glad the sunlight is making you feel better i know it can be hard when the darkness surrounds us. I'm the same but haven't invested in a light thingymajigh yet.

Lem how u doing? hope a bit better over the weekend :)

vicar hope ur weekend is going well and your getting rest before another crazy week of work starts :)

DDwerf The no eating and being monotone resonates with everyone I think and I can completely understand being tired of the voices in the head :( I sometimes want to hit my head in the wall just so they will stop!

snowy big hugs and hope u doing ok :)

I've had a pretty freaky dream today. In my dream I was talking to a college friend of mine and he was saying to me if you want to talk to him then just ask him to fix your laptop, he does run a computer company now you know. the person we were talking about was my first boyfriend! This confused me a lot and all I can do is think about this guy now :(

[NeeNaaw]

Hi, I'm new. Have anxietyand depression. Not feeling in a coping way atm as DD1 has just started CBT for social anxiety, so our house is quite...tense.

If you have been signed off work, how hard is it transitioning back into it? I'm currently in work but it's getting to the point where I physically can't manage or do my job and my anxiety around work is causing suicidal thoughts/feelings, so am looking at all the options. I'm terrified of letting it get to me and the coming back...and I'm not even signed off!

[DumDum32]

hi neenaw & welcome :)

sounds like ur in a tough place atm. have u been to ur G.P? if u haven't I would say that would be a starting point. he/she can prescribe some meds to help with the anxiety/depression. some time off work may be sensible to give yourself a break & some breathing space - maybe a week or two off to get yourself together. you might find that helps and gets u back on track. MH issues cannot be dealt with by ignoring unfortunately so please do go see ur G.P.

u can bend our ears if u want as well. were here & help as much as we can.

there is also samaritans if u need to speak to someone tonight. I find them.very helpful.

hope u get through the night ok.

[ThatVikRinA22]

pics of my new baby

he is giving me a new lease of life just now - i cant just lie in bed anymore.

love to all - and hello to all newcomers. im dashing in and dashing out but wanted to post.....

[DismemberedDwerf]

CiQ I had a lovely evening out, I must have really needed it :D

dumdum I don't hear voices in my head except my own, it's my own I get sick of. I just don't know when to shut up. Obviously.

I've been to a writerly meet-up today and took my kids, bit nervous because lots of new people and my children can be a bit overwhelming, but someone posted later that my kids were adorable and a joy to talk to (they are both pre-teens, so adorable isn't something I usually hear about them!). So today has been good. The girls even managed almost the full day without arguing. Almost.

[DumDum32]

vicar gorgeous puppy. I want a cuddle :(

DDwerf sorry thought u sufferers from voices glad u had an awesome w'end :)

[DismemberedDwerf]

Nothing so interesting. Run of the mill depression and anxiety with a splash of social anxiety for spice. Or, if you listen to some people, I'm a miserable antisocial bitch. Not quite true, I'm selectively social (and quite cheerful at the moment )