Can PND be cyclical or episodic, am I going nmad or is this normal?

[hairytale]

In PND is it possible to feel fine one day and awful the next? Or fine for two weeks then Ill for a day or two days?

I keep having days of extreme weepiness coupled with over whelming thoughts - like something awful will happen to her eg that she could run into the road when she is bigger or fall out of an upstairs window or that I should put her into care because im not going to be a good enough mum :(

I used to have horrible thoughts of harming her (I would never harm her) - "what if I dropped her on her head?".

And some times I just think I've been incredibly selfish innhaving her and I feel really sorry for her.

I know deep down I've been a really good mum so far - she's a content, giggly, sociable little girl - but sometimes I get the mist awful anxiety and sadness.

Or is this normal.

I love her SO much and I waited a long time for her.

She's 6 months old.

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

I don't know much about pnd, have you spoken to your gp or hv about how you're feeling?

[hairytale]

No I haven't. I don't want tablets. And I don't want to alarm them really, plus each time I get one of these episodes it goes again within a day or two.

[BlackSwan]

Sure it's possible to feel this way with PND. Perhaps you're trying to think it's not PND and pinning your hopes on the fact that some days you feel better than others? Is that what you mean, some days you feel you cope, but others you really struggle? I sure as hell went through that. But mine lasted longer than a day or two.

No decent HV would be 'alarmed' at the way you're feeling. Talk to your Dr or your HV and get some advice - clearly you're concerned enough to post here, but RL support is what's needed.

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

Your hv/gp won't be alarmed and will be able to support you a bit more to work through things. Every new parent has anxiety so they will have heard it before and should support you in helping you.

It is best to see your hv/gp.

[hairytale]

Thank you. During the good times I'm more than coping - I am loving being a mum and loving life.

It can last 2-3 weeks then I'll have a total anxious freakout and cry all day, on and off, feeling sad and thinking stupid things.

[notcitrus]

Sounds like you're on the edge of depression and any little thing like not getting enough sleep, or one scary thought, is pushing you into it.
I would mention it to a GP or HV that you trust, so they are aware if it gets worse, and could offer you support such as visits, specialist baby groups, CBT or other counselling, etc.
Also are you on Cerazette or any other hormonal contraception as they can induce depression - I was having symptoms like yours only worse, but then stopped the pill and was back to happy in a few days.

If it's tiredness tipping you over the edge, then getting family and friends to come and be useful while you rest a bit is vital. Ask bluntly and arrange specific times for them to come or they just faff instead however well-meaning...

[hairytale]

Yes it does seem to coincide with tiredness. No I'm not on any contraception.

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

Sleep deprivation is awful and shouldn't be dismissed.

It is a good idea to try to get relatives and friends to help out if you can even if it's to pick up shopping or do a load of washing.

Again, you gp/hv will understand and be able to offer support.

[hairytale]

I have a v supportive partner who cooks and does the washing - he works at hone so is always around to help . Baby sleeps through most nights (touch wood!) but these moods do happen on the times I'm more tired.

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

How often do you get outside the house, for days out together, seperately and as a couple?

Could your DP do more on those days you're tired?

[brettgirl2]

Yes pnd can be like that I found that my bad spells were up to a week then I'd be OK. 2-3 days sounds like you are on the edge of it as someone else said. I really think you should talk to HV they wont pressure you to take ads but may be able to help.

[hairytale]

We never go out as a couple - I am breast feeding and I don't want to go anywhere without my baby (neither does he). We go out a lot - a day in is rare. We go out as a family a lot and I go out with the baby. Sometimes my dp takes her out and sometimes I go out alone.

DP does a fair bit - and does look after the baby a lot so I can grab a nap when I need one (and I do the same for him).



I'll talk to the HV.

[hairytale]

Off to the gp

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

Hope it goes good.

[hairytale]

Thank you. She has referred me to counselling and offered me Peroxat - she asked me to go away and think about if I wanted to take it (I won't be taking the Peroxat). She thinks general depression and anxiety as DD is now six months old. She also said being a mother is overwhelming at first so it's quite common to have reaction depression rather than PND.

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

How do you feel about it all now?

[hairytale]

I feel weepy and I'm having negative thoughts. If I wasn't on maternity leave I'd pay my v good £100 an hour counsellor but that's not an option. I'm glad I went to GP though.

[NaturalWinningNaturesTeamGB]

I'm glad your glad and that you went

When you have negative thoughts could you conciously make yourself think of a positive thought?

Some counsellors have a sliding scale, it might be worth asking or trying to find another good one who does a sliding scale.

[hairytale]

I'm hoping my Nhs appointment will come soon.

[NanaNina]

Hello there hairytale I am not a young mum but a grandmother, but I can absolutely assure you (as others have done) that the way you are describing your depression and anxiety with its ups and downs is very characteristic of the illness. I am no medic but had a major episode of depression 2 years ago and was in hospital for 3 months and since then my life is like an emotional roller coaster. In the early months after discharge I had a bout of bad days every few weeks, and this has continued although I can be fine for weeks and months now and then wham out of the blue I wake feeling flat, empty, no motivation, crying, full of negative thoughts.....no warning, no trigger, just out of the blue and can last anything between 2 and 7 days. I find the worse thing is explaining this to people as I can never really make plans, just in case it's a bad day, but real friends understand, and I'm lucky to have a supportive partner.

I have been seeing a psychologist on the NHS but she has not been able to help about this "up and down" thing. The consultant psychiatrist told me that this was very normal and these "blips" are to be expected. He said they usually blew themselves out eventually but with older people (I am 68) they sometimes don't and you have to work around them.

Can you say why you won't take ADs - these drugs are very safe and usually very effective; they were certainly a life saver for me. I see mnay MNs who are afraid of ADs as they have heard horror stories of being "zombie" like or some such, but that this is not necessarily the case.

Re the negative thoughts, these are a symptom of depresssion/anxiety (as these two almost always come together) and they can spiral downwards and you end up scaring yourself stiff. Anxiety is the medical name for fear, and when we have the negative thoughts that pop up automatically we go into a downward spiral and scare ourselves even more.

CBT does offer a way of alleviating this anxiety, though it is not always easy. It is quite a simple theory and attempts to cope with the automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) and replace them with the something more balance. My therapist asked me to write down all my negative thoughts and how awful things could get etc etc etc and then ask myself is it accurate is it helpful is there an alternative (she called this AHA).

Then she asked me to write down a more balanced account of my thoughts e.g. "That might not happen, and I may not feel so overwhelmed by these thoughts, although they might be unpleasant, and I will know it is a symptom of depression/anxiety etc etc" and then ask yourself which of the two scenarios is helpful and which one isn't.

You are only young and there are lots of young mums on here who have/had PND and there will be brighter days ahead.....

There are many books on CBT on Amazon that you could look for while you are awaiting therapy.

[hairytale]

Thank you Nina I really appreciate your post.

I've had a lot of counselling and been on ads in the past - spent many years on Prozac and on Citalopram. I am breast feeding so don't want to take anything if I really can avoid it.

Your post has reminded me of many techniques I used to use and I am going to read up again on some of the techniques and counselling advice I've had.

[hairytale]

Ps I've been off ads for two years now and really don't want to take them again. I want to sort this properly from within as I'm now a mum and I don't want my DD to grow up with a sad anxious mummy.

[hairytale]

Pps. I'm 44

[NanaNina]

Coo - how lucky are you - first baby at 44!! Hadn't realised that you had dep/anx before the baby. Do you know the roots of your depression, and did ADs work in the past - I think there are ADs that you can take while breast feeding (have seen other mums mention it) although I am picking up that you would rather not take anything while breast feeding.

What particular type of counselling have you had in the past, and has it helped.

[hairytale]

I am extremely lucky, which makes me even more sad about how I'm feeling as it makes no sense :(