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Mental health

Scared dp isn't going to come home one of these nights............

43 replies

swiperfox · 05/09/2005 21:32

He's so down. I can't keep up the 'we'll get throught it' front and am close to breaking down myself. I don't know how to keep it up anymore. I generally keep up a cheery 'front' on mn but if I don't get it out it's going to drag me down. Probably doesn't make much sense and there's nothing that can be said but I need to get it into the open so I can continue to stay 'up' for dp. It's not easy when it's all going so wrong. What all brough it home was dd starting her school today. She was so excited and I can't bear the thought of messing everything up for her again. To me and dp it doesn't matter so much where we end up but little dd needs to be settled now, she's been moved around so much.
dp has been suicidal before. He is very very down at the moment. We could lose this house in less than a week. We gave up everything to get this house 3 months ago. His work are treating him like a piece of crap. He needs to get out of there so badly. I hate it when he has a job to go to at night. One of these nights he's not going to come back. I know it.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry for the miserable rant. I had to get it out.

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Jackstini · 09/09/2005 13:39

Hopefully your landlord will realise it is better to have 600 the week after than start looking for new tenants...? Good luck on getting as much as you can by then

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swiperfox · 09/09/2005 12:40

Getting there - kind of!! We are down to 600 that we need by monday/tuesday so dp is a lot happier for getting 500 on top of his wages.

Still a long way to go though!

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Jackstini · 08/09/2005 08:48

Hi Swiper - been thinking about you last couple of days & hoping you are seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. How are things going?

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swiperfox · 06/09/2005 21:58

I'm still here lol
He's just come in but not speaking really so i'm going to bed now in case i get snappy

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Aero · 06/09/2005 21:53

Try to get a good sleep Swiper and hope you feel refreshed enough to deal with whatever the morning brings.

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swiperfox · 06/09/2005 21:02

He's not home again yet so i'm thinking of just going to bed - i'm so knackered i know i'll be asleep in seconds!! Can't bear another fight in the morning though

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swiperfox · 06/09/2005 21:01

don't be silly - hijack away!
I'm really glad to see that she is doing so well Aero Really pleased to see you have come through it as well starlover. One of my oldest friends did it when she was on seroxat ad's after breaking her pelvis giving birth - whole other thread! But there's not a day goes by when i dont believe that she would have deliberately left her 2 beautiful babies behing if she had been of 'sound mind' so I can understand that depression takes you to a very dark place - which is why i'm trying to keep dp out of it as much as i can - it's something that scares the crap out of me if i'm totally honest!

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starlover · 06/09/2005 20:59

too right!

and not forgetting... apologies also swiper, for te hijack... how are things now?

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Aero · 06/09/2005 20:58

A very back seat would be good enough for me and I think for her. Sounds like that's where it is for you - long may it remain there where it belongs!

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starlover · 06/09/2005 20:53

she sounds a lot like me! i used to think it was just the way i was too...
but it is possible to get over it, or at least, for it tot ake a VERY back seat in your life

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Aero · 06/09/2005 20:52

Sorry Swiper........got carried away......didn't mean to hijack your thread.

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Aero · 06/09/2005 20:51

I hope so SL - and for you to......
I think the fact that she is beginning to try and view it as a clinical illness in the same way as any other and if medication is the way forward and she's found one with no nasty side effects, then I think she's happy to take them for the time being at least. She has tried so hard and for so long to just be content, but it never seemed to happen for her - she has always thought it was 'just the way she was', but not really seen it as a dibilitating illness which is treatable. Let's just hope she continues to want to recover and lead a normal life and be at the very least content. For her happiness would be a huge bonus.

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starlover · 06/09/2005 20:42

Aero your post sounds positive! the fact that your sister is taking her meds (and even has a better name for them) is really reassuring, as is the fact that she recognises, and is getting, some professional help.
it's a really difficult thing to deal with, and impossible to recover from unless you really really want to... sounds like she is on the right road

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Aero · 06/09/2005 20:37

Starlover - that post is reassuring, and I hope for all our sakes that the feeling you describe will remain with Sis and be enough to make her never attempt this again.

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Aero · 06/09/2005 20:34

My sister is recovering well as the drugs (she calls them seratonin boosters - it's more positive sounding than ads) she's taking are keeping her right and her mood is significantly improved. She saw the doctor today and has been referred for psychotherapy as she feels that a lot of her problems stem from not ever being able to talk to anyone about how she is feeling.
She went back to work yesterday as she would get unhealthily bored at home, but has negotiated to work one day less a week in order to have some time for herself and also to see her boyfriend more (their hours clashed terribly).
I think she feels terrible about the effects it's had on all of us and she has apologised for causing so much anguish, but at the time she took the pills, none of that mattered and the love of her family and friends wasn't enough to stop her. She hit rock bottom and had no idea how to climb out of the pit and suicide seemed the only way out at that moment. It's hard to tell her how much she means to us though without running the risk of making her feel more guilty for what she did, but she needs to know how much she's loved and valued and she is doing her best to get on with life, deal with her own feelings and put this behind her. Unfortunately, it's going to take the rest of us a long time to recover from this and that fear we feel now may possibly never leave us.

On the other matter, is there any chance your landlord would accept one months rent if you explained the situation. I think this three month thing is ridiculous and given the fact that you've been good tenants for the last three months might help swing things your way perhaps - got to be worth a try.

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starlover · 06/09/2005 17:32

i have attempted suicide and i can honestly say that up until my parents found out i had NO idea what affet it would have on them.
i felt like if i was gone everyone would be so much better off. i half felt i was doing it for them, as well as for myself.

seeing their reaction was awful, and i realised how much they loved me... it's a really horrible thing to go through, from both sides

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swiperfox · 06/09/2005 17:27

It is just a nighmare isn't it? I remember being really shocked when I saw your post because - like you say - you just don't realise how many people do actually live with it or with it in their lives. The silly thing is we will be fine again once we have this sorted. Because the rent is 3 months upfront, it will mean as soon as we have paid this 3 months, dp can quit his job and get a 'normal' job and will have time to work a month in hand if he has to and still have the rent for the next 3 months. It's just this grand that stopping it. The fact that he actually has it at work but they can't bring it forward is so bloody frustrating.

How is your sister going at the moment? I was thinking abvout you earlier and thinking how scary it must be. I've lives for the last few years knowing that dp has considered it
but I couldn't imagine how devastating it would be if he tried it. Has it brought it home to her what she tried to do at all? (if that makes sense?)

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Aero · 06/09/2005 17:17

Yes agree about the debt counselling - that would I'm sure help to relieve some of the stress. Speaking to the landlord is also a good idea. Is it possible that you might be entitled to housing benefit at all, or any other benefits? If dh is this depressed he may need to be signed off work for a time. If so, most landlords are familiar with housing benefit and don't mind waiting for it. Not sure of your circumstances though so this may not apply to you.
Been thinking about you today though and it amazes me how many people live with depression on a daily basis. It's good to know we're not alone in this, but at the same time wouldn't wish it on anyone iyswim. It's difficult both for the sufferer and their families.

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starlover · 06/09/2005 17:01

hi swiper... did you manage to phone anyone today? if so how did it go?

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Jackstini · 06/09/2005 13:16

But at least that means you can get all excited about picking her up again!!

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swiperfox · 06/09/2005 11:02

Thanks guys

DD loved it at school - she was only at the pre-school but she has to wear a uniform jumper so was feeling all big and important bless her! It was sooooo quiet at home - walking back from the school felt a bit like i'd lost an arm!!

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littlerach · 06/09/2005 10:05

I really would speak to your landlord, as they would surely prefer to get some money from you, rather than no money and no tenants.

On a brighter note, how was DDs first day of school? DD1 started yesterday, and the housewas so quiet without her (whispers) "quite nice and quiet!!"

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Jackstini · 06/09/2005 10:02

Swiper - good luck today speaking to a debt advisor. If you can get that sorted out it will at least remove one source of stress from you both. Then you can concentrate on getting more help for dp. Let us know how you get on hon ((((hugs))))

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swiperfox · 06/09/2005 09:54

Thanks Aero - I had seen your thread and have thought about you a lot. So glad your sister didn't manage it but can't imagine how it must feel for you.

We had a huge fight this morning. I can't talk to him without it turning into a fight because he is so snappy. DD is v grumpy now this morning. DS doesn't seem to notice but me being pg and super-hormonal I'm biting and snapping back instead of walking away.

I can't do it much longer. The fact that we only have a week is making it so so intense.

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Aero · 05/09/2005 23:40

Oh Swiper - have only just seen this - how awful for you. You may have seen on here that I've recently been through a few weeks of trauma when my sister took an overdose in a serious bid to end her life three weeks ago. Thank God she failed, and we are very thankful for that, but none of us despite knowing she was low and has had suicidal feelings for many years, saw this coming. I would urge you to insist your dp gets some help and fast - his mood needs to be lifted out of this pit of depression. There are many ads out there now and he just needs to find the right one for him. The side effects lessen over time and most take at least 2-3 weeks to kick in properly. If the ones he had before were not helping after a couple of months then they clearly were not the right ones for him. My sister is on moclobemide and it has definitely improved her mood and her appetite. Things are looking up.
I know your whole situation is different, but the bottom line is that your dp needs help. Depression is a clinical illness and needs to be seen that way just as diabetes, for example, is a clinical illness, and the need for medication to replace insulin is no different from the need for medication to boost seratonin levels.
I will be thinking of you and have total sympathy with the worry you are living with atm. It's hard, but you need to look after yourself too so that you can look after him and dd. I do hope things improve for you and that your dp can be persuaded to seek the help he needs.

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