I don't want any more children - options?

[BabyTheCaveLion]

DH and I have decided our family is complete and we don't want any more kids.

DH went to the docs today and asked about having the snip. Doctor told DH that 1 in 20 men experience a lifelong pain in the scrotum area after having the snip and that it would be easier for me to have the coil/injection/implant fitted.

DH has come home feeling suitably scared about going for the snip - fair enough that's his decision. Trouble is, since I've had children I react really badly to any form of hormonal contraception - I literally turn in to a raging, angry, sobbing, depressed mess for 3 weeks out of every 4. I am NOT going back to that.

So what does that leave us? Any suggestions?

Most GPS will not tell you of the risk. This is my big bug bear and you make a decision based on insufficient facts.

Nobody should be forced into surgery and the pressure is very one sided (as is evident in this thread).

The surgery has actually damaged my health. Low testosterone, low haemoglobin, low heamocrit and risk of brittle bones. And docs won't treat it. Low T causes depression which is a major killer. Add in no libido and ED it's enough to tip someone over the top. This needs to be considered but isn't factored into the decision process.

I'll never have surgery again unless my life depended on it. Doctors hush up the truth. Research says upto 40% get long term pain. It's exactly the same as being kicked in the nuts constantly. Factor in lost earnings. I know of blokes who have nearly lost their jobs. I would have lost my career if I had been with a different employer.

Had I been self employed we would be bankrupt. These are quite serious consequences that are fairly common. A 1 in 10 risk isn't small. That's 2 or more blokes per week coming out of the vasectomy clinic that will have severe consequences. Would your marriage survive no sex ?

My wife moans at me about it. I've no interest in sex now and I can't get the doctors to help with the constant low testosterone which is way below the treatment level recommended by the British Endocrinology Society.

I've never had problems prior to the snip. I might as well have been castrated.

Couples need to weigh up all the consequences but also need to be informed. How many folk had heard about this permanent pain before having the operation. Very few.

TheFuzz - thanks for your comments, it's helpful to hear from someone who has had problems as we don't know anyone who has had a Vesectomy gone wrong. It sounds horrific and I'm very sorry that it's happened to you. I'd like to point out though that there is certainly no pressuring going on - it was DH's idea to ask the doc about it in the first place and now he knows the risk it will be his decision if he wants to go through with it. I am annoyed that there are risks, I wish it was a straight forward procedure because using contraception really screws my body up. If he doesn't want it done then I certainly won't be holding it against him. I think contraception is so mainstream now that the vast majority of men have no idea what women have to live with/put up with to stay on it.

How about female sterilisation?
I had that done in June. I was put off by the coil as I know of too many babies born where one was I situ !
I went for the old method rather than new as it works straight away and smaller chance of eptopic.

You could ask for the risk at the individual place you plan to have it done, rather than nation wide, average risks, much as you would if having amniocentesis or similar? A few male friends have had it done and it's been the right choice for them, although tbh as someone who's had female sterilisation done I'd also recommend that - it's just good to get it over with.

The Fuzz - sympathy.

I had a copper coil. Awful awful heavy periods. Then a mirena coil. No periods at all - heaven - and no side effects from the small dose of hormone.

Mirena Coil all the way!

I'll have a look into female sterilisation, I don't really know anything about it. The last I heard was that it wasn't routinely offered because it's a much more complicated procedure than the male equivalent but perhaps that view point has changed/was wrong in the first place.

Every time I decide on an option I hear another horror story - it's not helping the decision making! I'm thinking about trying the copper coil but my periods are already heavy so don't really want them any heavier. Before I had children my period pains were so severe I'd faint and throw up and have to have a day off work every month - I really really do not want to go back to that!

I'd caution against surgery, male or female. Just not worth the risks.

It's much more expensive as well. The snip is usually done by a GP.

I've decided on a copper coil with a diaphragm for added protection

I'm a bit sceptical of your Dh's version of events at the doctors. Could it be that the GP mentioned the side effects to inform him and your Dh is chickening out and making it sound worse than it is?

I've been snipped without any problems at all.

1 in 10 experience some pain. Ranging from mild discomfort that needs no treatment up to the kind of debilitating life changing pain that The Fuzz describes.
If I remember your previous posts Fuzz, your doctor made an arse of the procedure?

My research & experience led me to pay almost a grand to have it done privately by a proper surgeon; same guy that sorted a hernia for me so I had good experience with him. I believe this is the primary factor.

Recovery is also key, I sat on the sofa with an ice pack in my lap for the rest of the day after the procedure. The following 2 days did nothing more than walk about and drive a bit. Slowly back to normal activity levels over 2 weeks.

I've had more painful paper-cuts than the procedure itself, and for the first 3 days it felt like I'd gotten a very mild kick in the balls. Since then it's all back to normal.

Everything we do carries a level of risk, including minor surgical procedures. For me, the advantages of no more contraception greatly out weighed the probability of long term significant pain.

Female sterilisation is a much more invasive op, under general, and carries a higher risk of ectopic pregnancies. That cannot be put in the same risk category as a vasectomy.

Coil/injection/implant also carry much higher risk than vasectomy. Especially if you're over 40 OP.
Cooper coil can cause heavy, prolonged and painful periods. My DW did not want to try that as she has a bad enough time with them as it is.

Haha MadAs I suppose it could be possible! But I don't think so, he's not that type of guy. He's been planning on getting it done for ages but because he's a mountain biker he had to wait for a gap in the race season to fit it in! He also likes the thought of no contraception - hormonal contraception turns me into a raving loon with absolutely no libido and I'm so scared of condoms failing that it puts me off having sex anyway!! The poor guys just wants a bit of action

There's always withdrawal. Kept me baby free so far!

I'm too lazy to clear up the mess!!!!

So you don't get mess otherwise?

I was in the same boat and posted here and had the same warnings about how dangerous vasectomy is and it is not about "taking a turn". My health is profoundly affected by childbirth - still 10 yrs after my first birth- so i don't really see why its any different personally.

Anyway i got a copper coil but had to removed after a year of very long, very heavy periods, so changes to a mirena recently- faded to no periods, its great.

Not all over me or the bed no....it's contained in condoms at the moment

Ah I see. But presumably it didn't bother you when you were on the pill or trying to get pregnant?

But....tmi.....then it was inside me and came out when I went to the loo...it still wasn't all over the sheets or my stomach? Maybe I've been having sex wrong all these years

Oh really? Mine err leaks out of me immediately unless plugged in with a towel so I end up with a mess on my sheets or down my thighs!

Please don't rely on the withdrawal method if you are certain that you don't want another baby!!

I'd caution against surgery, male or female. Just not worth the risks.
I'd caution against long-term hormonal contraception or unwanted pregnancy.
And you really need to consider the risks of childbirth. There are a small number of women whose sex-life is permanently ruined from childbirth.

Weighed up, I just don't believe that the risks are that high for the vast, vast majority of men/couples, compared to the alternatives.

The snip is usually done by a GP.
Then go to a clinic where the Doctor doing it carries out thousands of them every year.

Sounds like a sexist doctor who has either got his facts wrong or was exaggerating the risks.

Whether it's 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 or 1 in however many who experience pain after a vasectomy, that statistic is not particularly useful unless you break it down into minor, short term pain v severe, long term pain. I suspect the latter is more rare.

Of course it's your DH's decision but I suggest that instead of just taking the doctor's word for it, he does his own research into the statistics and studies, so that he has a better understanding of the real risks and can make a well informed decision.

If hormonal contraception doesn't suit you, don't take it. There are non-hormonal options (copper coil and barrier methods) if your DH decides against a vasectomy.

And YY to the PP who mentioned the risks of pregnancy and childbirth.

It's all too easy for men not to consider those risks when weighing up their contraceptive options.