The post-Brexit family tragedy playing out across the UK

[WalesTilly2016]

I am writing this as it is happening within my family and I need to share my heartbreak...

Grandparents are special. To children and young people they are a life-long constant, offering kindness, love, tenderness and an ever-open ear when parents often have to be the opposite out of necessity. They are fun and they are generous. They are quite simply immaculate in the eyes of their grandchildren.

The EU referendum is unfortunately fracturing that traditional relationship.

Young people across the UK have been dismayed at the outcome of the EU referendum, and have wasted no time in voicing their disappointment across the social media platforms they inhabit. The statistics clearly show that younger people are naturally Remainers. They have been born into a modern multicultural world that they see as their oyster, and where the idea of being able to travel and work anywhere with few limitations seems natural. They happily and comfortably school and hang out with people from other cultures, and the idea that they should be outraged because of Germans claim the sunbeds simply doesn’t occur.

The same statistics show the older generation to be firmly in the Leave camp, and the overwhelming driver for them wanting to leave is immigration and a wider dislike of foreigners in general, even if they live in areas where immigrants are few and far between. They have read and bought into the countless scare stories on the pages of the Daily Mail which have successfully built on a heritage of good old-fashioned British xenophobia; where Germans grabbing sunbeds is indicative of how you can’t trust any of them.

This dissonance between young Remainers and old Leavers is resulting in an uncomfortable sea-change in the grandparent-grandchild relationship, and it is currently being played out in countless families across the UK.

The debate as to why older people voted the way they did, and why they think inexperienced younger people are clueless is undoubtedly taking place in households up and down the country as we speak. Young people are voicing their opinions and asking ‘why’, and older people are not holding back on answering them, often in brutal tones. Sadly, for many young people it will be a profound and emotional culture shock when they see and hear their dearly-loved grandparents revealing themselves as xenophobes and foaming-at-the-mouth racists.

It is a tragedy of the deepest order, and one which truly strikes at the heart of our society. Countless grandparents will be revealing to their grandchildren a disturbingly ugly side never previously shown, or even suspected. And for what? All because the morons at the tabloids have been manipulating their readers for their own benefits.

One of the most biting post-Brexit opinions shared on social media is that ‘Old people hate immigrants more than they love their grandchildren’. It is very hard to argue with, and it is truly depressing that a perfectly legitimate political debate about membership of the EU has been polluted and poisoned by rhetoric from the media and politicians that, while successful in achieving a result at the ballot boxes, has come at the cost of fractured family relationships.

[Rufusthebewilderedreindeer]

JWIM

So you got the same thing as i did

Remain voting children instigating breakup from leave voting 'older' family members

Yeah?

So i cant see why thats the remain campaigns fault...i certainly didnt get a hint of 'young vs old' til after the results were analysed

[girlglo]

Please read the posts that I have made in this discussion. Why would you want more detail, especially when I have been very clear about the matter? Perhaps there are different expectations in different conversation areas. Apart from anything else, I would not be comfortable sharing more detail - for me, it is about respecting my family's privacy as well as setting boundaries that I am comfortable with for my own. Have you had family break down as a result of brexit? If so, do you think that the political discourse or any political strategies adopted by either side have contributed to it? At a more general level, do you think that society and families have been harmed by the process. What are the implications for the family and our country (parents and grandparents helping with children and grandchildren? a generation of isolated people? help post divorce or whatever?). There are so many things to discuss here if people are allowed to that should be part of this discussion don't you think? I have to go out now, so I will check later from you or from anyone else (just don't want you to think that I am ignoring you if you reply straight away). I have quite a full day, but will check in later. Thank you for taking the time to post.

[Rufusthebewilderedreindeer]

I have read the posts

I don't understand them which is why ive asked for clarification

Or rather i think I understand but i want clarification in case i have misunderstood

I dont want details just yes or no would do

But

I think society has been damaged, i think that it has probably caused a rift in SOME families but i would argue that this may be diwn to how that family interact, it hasn't damaged my family and i think the media is mostly to blame for division

I think thats all your questions

[Buteo]

So no answers about the "unethical strategies of the Remain campaign" then. Quelle surprise.

Why would you want more detail, especially when I have been very clear about the matter?

No you haven't. What were the "unethical strategies of the Remain campaign" - do share.

And why would clarification of these "campaign policies" which have been likened to 1930s fascist policies require personal revelations?

[JWIM]

Girlglo - yes I do think that the referendum and the campaigns has caused rifts in families, as do many other social/financial differences between family members. Yes, I do think that society is divided.

Do I think that can be laid at the door of the Remain campaign - No.

[JWIM]

• in some families -
  

In ours one senior family member raised concerns about UK Sovereignty, discussed at length with middle generation (mine) decided to go with Remain because of the Grandchildren's future. Just one other family's experience.

[Rufusthebewilderedreindeer]

JWIM

Mil was very much leave

But she listened to ds1s views (very politically minded) even though he was too young to vote and she changed her vote to remain

[TheElementsSong]

So no answers about the "unethical strategies of the Remain campaign" then. Quelle surprise.

Yup exactly.

Just wordcloud wordcloud sadface wordcloud Remain wordcloud.

[girlglo]

I guess that in all that has been said, the main point that I am making, other than to share that this has damaged my own and some other people's family has gotten rather lost and not at all sure that later contributers have read it, so just incase, here it is:

'As far as I can see (I do not claim to see everything) whatever the quality of the campaigns on both sides, there appears to have been a campaign directed effort to use family estrangement, or the threat of it, as a weapon that has damaged families and society. I am not aware of any other campaign using this mechanism in the same way. I don't think that this has been voiced in this discussion before, and I am just communicating my own feelings and thoughts on the matter. It is really astounding that given the widespread problem that appears to exist, that there so little discussion on this matter.'

I had hoped for more useful discussion, but clearly with at least one contributor bent on bear baiting and harassment that is not likely to happen.

[Rufusthebewilderedreindeer]

You have been very rude girlglo

I have attempted to engage...but you have not, in the slightest

[Buteo]

there appears to have been a campaign directed effort to use family estrangement, or the threat of it, as a weapon

Evidence for this?

And are you now including Leave in this ‘campaign directed effort’?

[TheElementsSong]

New poster bumps zombie thread and produces substance-free word-salad wordclouds of Feelz. When engaged by posters asking for evidence, produces more substance-free word-salad wordclouds of Feelz that don't actually address the points, then says they're being attacked and harassed.

The one message that readers are supposed to take home from the substance-free word-salad wordclouds of Feelz is that Remain are very very very bad, mm'k? Like, Nazi bad.

How's my summary?

[Buteo]

Good summary Elements

But of a pivot last night though?

[Hmmmbiscuits]

When I asked why both parents voted to leave, one said "I think we needed to stand up to the authority of Europe and the Elites" and the other said "What can I say - I'm patriotic". That was it. Any kind of question about what they thought the UK, the NHS and the economy would look like after leaving was just met with a confused silence.

I love my family dearly and this won't divide us like the OP is saying, but when anyone questions people who have voted leave they tend to say everything will be ok and anything said to the contrary was just scaremongering, but can't clearly state why. They hold on to this view despite Brexit so far turning out to be, at best, an absolute shambles.

The words confirmation bias spring to mind....

I don't blame people for voting leave, as for many it was a vote to hopefully change the status quo, but I do think people were very misinformed, and to me, the people who were fueling that misinformation are the selfish ones.

I think calling everyone over 50 a racist is a bit extreme and to be honest, not helpful, although I would be lying if I didn't feel a bit angry about the older generation largely voting to leave. Our country is divided enough though, and blaming other people for this mess isn't going to help.

[mummmy2017]

Statistics prove older voters care more about ensuring they registrar to vote, then actually use the vote.
Younger voters didn't registrar to vote in the same number, then those with the vote did not vote when they could.
People knew this, knew the vote would be close and after the event blame the ones who made the effort.
Isn't it about time people owned their responsibility in this voting system.
Going out to protest is all very well, but that does not fix the basic problem of 25% of people who can, just don't bother.

[Buteo]

Hmmmbiscuits I think Brexit is the perfect example of belief perseverance - the more evidence that contradicts the promised Brexit sunlit uplands then the more Leavers become entrenched in their beliefs, and any efforts to persuade otherwise just backfires (as in “who needs experts anyway”).

[Augusta2012]

I think you need to pull yourself together.

One of this countries biggest problems is that people are unable to accept that others have different views from them and debate respectfully or just not discuss it at all.

You stereotyping people as ignorant Daily Mail readers who are too stupid to know what they are voting for are very, very much part of the problem.

Don’t present yourself as noble, caring and concerned. You are an oppressive extremist who demonises your opponents.

[Augusta2012]

Going out to protest is all very well, but that does not fix the basic problem of 25% of people who can, just don't bother.

When people don’t vote because they don’t know or care enough about an issue they’re berated for it.

When they do vote they’re told they’re too thick to vote and don’t know how to vote for the right thing.

The AB social classes are the only ones who voted in a majority for remain. Working class and lower middle class voters are increasingly voting Tory too. Clearly what need is a reversal of the 1918 representation of the people act by reintroducing a property qualification to vote. Say £500,000. That will get rid of all the poor people who keep voting for the wrong thing and not doing what their betters tell them. Sorted.

[Buteo]

And interesting that the E group includes the wealthy pensioners who voted Leave comfortable in the knowledge that they would be insulated from the adverse economic effects of Brexit.

[Talkinpeece]

In the USA if you do not vote you get taken off the electoral roll