If you voted differently to someone close to you, what now?

[ppandj]

I voted remain, DP voted leave. We have always had very different political views and have debated endlessly, knowing that we still love eachother and it is just something we disagree on. However, since Friday we have argued non-stop, barely saying a pleasant word to one another. It's shameful! We have a 14mo DS and I do love my DP, but he is basically saying "get over it". I don't feel I can just get over it the next day. He says he is bored of discussing it all the time with everybody. I don't know what he expected?!

Please tell me it will calm down. Is anyone else in the same boat?

I voted remain, dh voted leave. I don't resent him for voting leave. I resent him for voting leave "because of all the immigrants.". It's not WHAT he did but WHY he did it that I am struggling with.

FWIW I know other people who voted leave for well researched and sensible reasons. I don't judge them for that in the slightest.

I voted remain my mother voted leave. She had her reasons and I had mine. Just one of those things. Different folks, different strokes.

I don't see how that resolves the OPs problem.

Tipsy my suggestions were to channel the anger she feels.

I get that, but I think it may possibly just cause more tension and arguments between them.

My thinking would be around why he voted differently. I believe we will be economically better off out, remainers disagree but no reason to fall out. If he voted for racist reasons, I would need a very good reason to stay in th relationship.

I agree, what were the reasons behind his vote? I said to dh last night I couldn't imagine what it would be like not to share core values, if he was racist or homophobic I couldn't be with him. But then again I imagine we wouldn't have got married in the first place.

I know what you mean op I am still angry about the whole thing, and can't 'get over it'. The whole country is now in a massive political turmoil, nothing is over.

In the past he was never very engaged in politics and just absorbed his parents' views (which are very insular and out-dated in my opinion). More recently he had done some research into the Leave campaign and adopted the "EU is un democratic" argument. He has never voted in an MEP election to my knowledge. He also thinks that "there are too many people and the system can't cope", he sees more strict immigration control as a start for managing the population and seems to have become fixated on this as the solution. I suppose most of my anger is at the fact that, in my opinion, he was never open minded about different solutions. I do suspect he has been swayed by his dad's views, though he hasn't expressed it really. He also won't even acknowledge the lies that the Leave campaign have peddled- I showed him the picture of the famous NHS promise bus and he said "well it didn't say it was only going to the NHS, it was just a possibility".

To be clear, he doesn't have a problem with anyone coming to live here but he feels that it should be more controlled. I think he has a notion that we in the UK will start manufacturing more here and will have more domestic trade. I think he's (like his parents) fighting globalisation.

I voted Leave, mum mum voted Remain.

No problems with us because we both know we made considered decisions on this and came to our conclusions on balance. In other words, we are both intelligent enough to realise there are pluses and minuses for both sides and agreed on so much of those but weighted out biggest influences differently.

Funnily enough, I've got less in common with my DF and DSM who actually voted the same way I did! I have far less in common with their motivations than I do with my mum.

Quite a lot of people I know voted differently to me, including family members. I dont mind.

Most people I know who voted leave did so because they dont believe in political federalism and /or they'd be prepared to vote remain for the status quo but not for what they believe is further inevitable erosion of nation state decision making in the interests of closer political ties. Most people I know who voted remain agree that the status quo is far from ideal (inefficient, bureaucratic) but think it's better than the alternative or werent prepared to risk it. I think they're both pretty valid opinions tbh. None of us will see our "minority report" so we'll never know who was right.

I voted remain dh leave. He's deeply shocked at the racism reports and wishes he had voted remain. So it's business as usual here. If he was spouting about it it would be a different story.

Me and DP voted the same way and so did my mum. Her partner voted differently and they are fine together, they haven't fallen out they've just accepted they have different views and don't mention voting now. I couldn't fall out with someone because of the way they'd voted unless they were a nasty person.

Chinks I know. DP is not a nasty person, but he has behaved quite badly and said some things that I feel actually are quite nasty, hence the arguments. Something about this referendum seems to have touched deep nerves for us both, which I didn't anticipate!

I which case I don't think the issue is with how you or your DH voted, more in the fact that you don't respect one another and that needs to be addressed before the rot sets in further.

My dad voted out. Alone, fair enough, I could agree to disagree but on top of years of open and hateful racism and a really shitty, disbelieving and mean attitude to my child when he was being diagnosed with autism, I have finally reached the peak of what I am willing to put up from him. So I don't know when I will speak to him again. He posted the mealy mouthed nauseating Winnie the Pooh meme on FB over the weekend and I felt utter rage at the sight of it so have unfollowed him.

My PIL both voted leave.

The major projects I'm working on have now had their funding put on hold and my industry has lost 3 out of 5 major funding areas. As a consequence I will probably have no work for the foreseeable future (self employed so can't 'lose my job' but I effectively have).

Both my DH (who tried so hard to get them to vote to stay, calmly and politely pointing out how we would be so affected) and I are so angry with them that we won't be phoning and when we do we are going to tell them that we will probably have to move countries for work - as they moved to be near us for their old age. And we're only half joking. They have comfy pensions. We'll be down to one salary....

Nothing. Members of my family voted leave, I voted remain. They are intelligent, educated people who didn't make their decisions lightly.
I felt the referendum would always put us in a "damned if we do, damned if we don't" scenario. Whatever happened in the future, the opposite side would always get the blame.

My dh and I both did loads of research and voted on opposite sides. Before and since we've been having really interesting discussions about it all. I cannot believe the lack of respect some people display towards people who don't happen to share their opinions. I thought long and hard about it (as did my DH) and came to a decision, but I'm not arrogant enough to dismiss somebody who disagrees with my opinion. Grow up and move on.

I hope things are better with you and DH now OP.

In the grand scale of things, I don't think I would be falling out/ cutting someone off. Murder, abuse, then yes, but not a vote.
Nobody actually knows what is going to happen. Live each day as if it is your last I say, because nobody knows what is around the corner!

Hmm. I genuinely don't know what I will say to my parents (they voted leave) - they are on holiday and voted by post. Depends whether there's any gloating or goading. My Dsis contacted me on Friday about other things and I didn't raise the referendum outcome with her, another leaver, for the sake of not having a row.

Tipsy we have been much better over the past couple of days. I am still angry about the referendum result, made worse by a racial attack on a family friend, but I am calmer. DP was also very angry at said attack and I think he has his own anger at the ref result. We are now back to normal pretty much. As for PiL I am just avoiding the topic as I know their views are a bit more xenophobic and I won't be able to discuss it with them. It's just going to take a while for people to adjust to it all, isn't it?