Donation to charity with conditions

[hepsitemiz]

If a person were to offer to make a substantial donation to a charity in return for the charity helping out the donor's close relative, would that be totally reprehensible?

It's a small charity that houses and rehabilitates addicts. Their programme, which lasts two years, is the only programme that has been successful for my sister, but unfortunately she relapsed a few months after leaving them.

The charity are now hesitating on taking my sister back, although they have said they would consider a self-referral from her since she has been a few weeks clean, and they became quite fond of her when she was with them.

Trouble is there is a wait list, and she currently is living on a friend's couch. In those conditions she is quite vulnerable and more prone to relapse once again, so her siblings are quite anxious to expedite things.

None of us live in the UK so we cannot help her with accommodation. If we club together we could probably donate about 25 thousand pounds sterling to the charity. We think this would make a difference to the charity and allow them to help more people - two years accommodation sounds expensive but they keep their costs down by taking the housing benefits of all their beneficiaries, while beneficiaries feed and clothe themselves and maintain the residences.

In case it's material to the matter, the charity is in England and is founded by a religious order. Their mission is to house and rehabilitate addicts, with the added ingredient of optional devotional activities such as organising pilgrimmages and volunteering in churches.

The Charity Commission for England and Wales states that charities may accept donations which have conditions attached, as long as those conditions are not unlawful and are not in conflict with the charity's mission.

According to the Institute of Fundraising, a donation should only be declined if accepting it would be more detrimental to achieving their objectives than declining it would be. Trustees decide if they wish to accept conditional donations on a case-by-case basis.

It still feels like a moral maze, though I know the practice takes place. We want to help our sister as she has nobody left to look after her - except this fantastic friend who is currently putting her up but who will definitely show her the door immediately if she relapses.

Would really appreciate any thoughts.

It would be unethical. More important, it would steal your relative's rock bottom. Consequences are important.

I doubt they would accept it. Your sister needs to show commitment to getting clean, not her siblings.

I think you have to be realistic - she flunked their 2yr course very rapidly. Many organisations will not take back anyone who lapsed. It also suggests she needs far more support than they can give her.

I think you have to be realistic - she flunked their 2yr course very rapidly. Many organisations will not take back anyone who lapsed. It also suggests she needs far more support than they can give her.

I would expect that to be against the individual charity’s constitution. They should have something about treating all their service users equally.

I agree that it would be unethical. As a trustee, I would not support this.

It would be different if the charity already had a separate trading arm and you were paying for services provided. But making a "donation" on condition that you sister could jump the queue ahead of others who needed support? No.

I appreciate that you're probably all desperate to find her some help, and it's lovely that you want to do what you can for her, but I don't think this is right.

If they have said that they would consider a self referral, then that's you're route in. Not essentially bribing them to prioritise her over other clients against their better judgement.

Everybody on that waiting list is desperate in their own ways.

Offering a huge donation in order to queue jump is completely unethical.

Your sister needs to want to change, your wishes and the wishes of her wider family are irrelevant if she isn't in the right place. No amount of money will change that.

Thank you, MrsTerry. I namechanged for this and appreciate your wisdom and generous advice on other threads.

My sister has already had about three rock bottoms... each time she arrested while waiting for ambulance or whilst in the ambulance. Including this last time!

It is quite possible that were she to arrest again she would not be able to be resuscitated.

She is on new meds - antabuse and anti-depressants... and is self-referring. Is it therefore not different this time? (says someone who has hoped one too many times... I really should know better)

Throwing money at rehabs, religious or otherwise, won't make your sister stay clean.
She needs to find the strength, with help, to keep clean in the outside world.
She clearly could do the detox part, but her circumstances as you say will affect her likelihood of success. She needs to be willing to throw away all the dealers numbers, stop seeing or speaking to any other active users etc, attend meetings daily if need be. She may need plenty of help but she needs to do it herself.
You can't force her.

Whilst you can make donations with conditions (referred to as a reserved donation that must be spent in a specified way) what that means is that you can donate to specific projects e.g. you would like to pay for a new piece of equipment or for the charity to fund more places for a specified group of individuals. That sort of thing.

What you can't do is attached conditions whereby the charity is required to support your relative. That would be a conflict of interest and the charity should refuse the condition and decline the donation.

(I am a trustee and have previously worked in fundraising).

someone who has hoped one too many times

I'm so sorry. I know it's awful. And I would offer lots of support and love while she is doing and saying the right things.

Many people have to try different programs and she's already 'failed' this one. There are paid treatment centres. Has she tried any of those? I worked in an NHS rehab so I have a soft spot, but some people succeed at any program once they're ready. It's the person, not the program, IYSWIM.

Thank you everyone. I can't say I'm too surprised.

At the risk of sounding too insistent, she is committed and she has self-referred. But I do believe the frequent relapses issue is the stumbling block for the charity. That and their wait list.

Thank you everyone, MrsBennets I have also enjoyed your posts elsewhere.

It's no worse than paying for private treatment, rather than waiting for the NHS, are there any private clinics you could try if the charity rejects your generous offer?

Your compassion is really appreciated, thank you Mrs Terry.

Dinnae, that makes a lot of sense, I don't know why it didn't occur to me.

That's very kind, thank you.

I think @DinnaeFashYersel has expressed the problem most succinctly.

I very much hope that your dsis will somehow be able to get the help that she so clearly needs. She is lucky to have such caring siblings.

Or could she move to be near or live with one of you abroad? A total change of environment might be very beneficial if she is motivated to recover. If she isn't near any of her druggy friends and suppliers it might help a lot.

Thanks twomany, she's done, over the past fifteen years, all the private rehabs imaginable, until her considerable pot of money ran out. Now she is on benefits and is really very poor. She hates herself for what she has thrown away. The money is the least of it - all her relationships and her potential as a high-functioning contributor to society.

We could never afford the kind of rehabs she used to treat herself to when she was still flush.

The NHS are dealing with her as best they can, but it tends to be a cycle of ineffective GP and community support, then a trip to the hospital to detox, then back home having got clean, then back to her addiction.

She wouldn't have any health cover if she came to live close to any of us... and she would refuse to anyway. I know, it's sounding as if she is not engaging, but she is very stubborn by nature and her addiction makes it much worse.

That said, where we live she cannot get health cover.

The question is how many times can you afford to keep making these donations if she relapses again? I wouldn’t have a problem with the charity accepting the donation with conditions, if the money helps other people too then that’s just the way the world works.

As a charity finance manager I’d accept a donation with restrictions such as ‘must be used for x activity or for beneficiaries in y region’ but not what you’re describing. It would also have to be declared to charity commission and auditor as a related party transaction, and for that amount they’d definitely look into it more. I hope you can find a way to help but this isn’t it. Please do consider donating something (much smaller) to them anyway if you can afford it as they have helped you already.

I don’t think there’s a way you can jump the waiting list. The people above on the list are in the same boat. It doesn’t sit right with me to pay your way further up it. I agree that going private is the way. Maybe the charity can advise you of private places they’d recommend.

Just to add I’m really sorry you’re all going through this and I hope you find a solution

You’d essentially be buying her a space and that is pretty immoral and unethical.

Thank you again, everyone.

I have much more clarity on what kinds of conditions are ethical and in line with a charity's mission. I was coming at this with foggy thinking. It is obviously not ethical to use a donation to secure priority treatment for one's sister, even if treating addicts is the charity's mission, unfair access is not.

It is OK to say "I wish this to be used to furnish common rooms", that would be an example of an ethical condition, easy to justify to the charity commission.

I have been saying that I wanted to thank the charity already for what they have done for her so thank you for the reminder, Minimum85. They are good and they bought her two years of clean living and engaging with her family.

More importantly I feel your virtual support. It really helps.

Depending on the type of addiction you could look into getting her a naltrexone implant. Just thought I’d throw it out there