Worried about five year old's experiences of Christianity when parents are atheists

[KatyBeau]

I was brought up going to a Church of England village church. As soon as I was old enough to think for myself in my pre-teens, I realised I didn't believe, but have always kept a a respect for others' beliefs and do stil value the moral lessons and global/historical perspective that I learned from the church. I'm now totally atheist, as is my husband.

My parents are still very much involved with the church, and in fact my mum is church warden and pretty much runs the place! They have never really tried to push the religion on me as an adult, apart from the suggestion of a blessing for our first child which never happened.

Now that my daughter is five and really thinking about the world around her, I'm really not sure how to navigate the conversations around religion.

She's been to a few kids church things, and we often go into the church for the more secular community activities, eg coffee mornings, baby groups.

I'm trying to have conversations about how some people believe and some don't and that there are many beliefs.

However, the religious people that she comes into contact with are so positive about religion that she seems very keen on the ideas.

Any suggestions as to how to deal with this without it becoming a negative issue?

It's good she can choose. Children are vulnerable to being brainwashed as a child.

I will discourage my DC from following a religion. It is my view that on the whole religious belief has a negative impact on a persons ability to develop rational thought and empathy for others.

I would introduce loads of other myths and legends, fairy stories, stories from other faiths- let her see that there are loads of other wonderful stories. Kipling's The Just So Stories got mine questioning from very early - get an audio book but make sure it's unabridged. And when she's a bit older, Richard Dawkins' The Magic of Reality is brilliant.

And you must tell her you don't believe when she asks. You are modeling what an atheist can be like for her. Don't fudge.

We take the line that it's just a story, like Thomas the Tank Engine.

If God was everywhere you'd be able to see him.

Try making a rainbow with a glass of water and explaining how it works, science is really much more interesting! There's a how-to on www.Lottie.com go to activities than super science.

" Would you be mocking and dismissive of an adult child's religion to the point where your stridency caused tension?"

What a very bizarre thing to say!

SeoulSista - no, being mocking, dismissive and strident doesn't fit with my belief in the importance of rationality and empathy. My answer was in response to the question posed by ultima as to why some people think it important to discourage children from religious belief. I don't think the OP's thread needs to be derailed with emotive accusations as to how discouraging children from religion will damage them and our relationship with them.

The child has been presented a set of ideas (at school) as truth and it's standing in the way of free choice to question that?

Wow.

We are atheists and our 5yo goes to a Catholic school.

He's really into the whole god and Jesus thing at the moment but school have taken him to church so he knows that's boring at least! I say a lot of "some people believe that". He asked recently if the bible was all true and I told him that it was stories that helped people understand the world before they had science.

I went to Catholic school too and emerged unscathed, and my siblings and school friends aren't religious either, so I'm not too worried.

I just preclude any discussion with 'some people believe that....'. My Ds went through a stage about age 7 when he asked a lot about religion and what I believed, what his dad believed etc, I was open and honest with him (I'm on the fence, DH atheist). I just try to aim for a line of 'you believe or don't believe what you want, so long as you are good, kind, and respect other people's rights to believe what they want to too.' He seems to be ok with that so far.

My DC go to a school run by a Catholic brotherhood. We chose the school because its a really nice school, teaches good values, small class sizes, walking distance from our house, etc, but neither of us is religious and neither of our DC is baptised.

When it comes to religious indoctrination, of which there is predictably a lot in a school that wears its religious affliation on its sleeve, we talk to our DC about the fact that 'some people believe x or y' and the role of choice in what you believe in. I'm open about the fact that I don't believe in god or anything else and neither does my DH.

The subject of prayer has come up and we talk about praying for something to happen being the same as wishing for it. God sitting on a cloud up in the sky has also come up, which I took as a good opportunity to discuss water vapour and how clouds form and how they're not something you can sit on, merely like steam from the kettle or your breath on a cold day!

Hmm- hope you're happy with those "good values" when it comes to sex and relationship education...........

You were brought up in the church OP and despite that made a free choice to be atheist, your daughter will have the same free choice surely?

You might want to consider that at 15, when she 'learns to think for herself' she might choose to believe in God.

When younger, my dd used to go to Sunday School with her best friend, whose family are religious and are regular church-goers.

At about the age of 9 during one of our chats about animals and nature (probably after a visit to the Natural History Museum) dd was asking some fairly searching questions and I explained a bit about natural selection.

She's told me since that this was the day she stopped believing in God. Neither DH or I influenced her choice in any way - she made her own mind up.

We will give them sex and relationship education ourselves. But, fwiw, its not Roman Catholic, as I explained, so its actually less prescriptive and there has never been any talk of guilt or any of the other negative aspects of a RC education that I find repulsive.

Your daughter is 5. I wouldnt worry. As well as a wonderful magical god and jesus acting like gandalf your daughter will aslo believe and be impressed and excited by the tooth fairy and father christmas. When she gets older sge will probably realise thst youband your husband have the right idea anyway.

I could have written your post 6 years ago! I had the a similar upbringing and my mother practically runs the church as churchwarden too. (Or so she says) I have always made it clear to my DC that while school and Granny believe in God, mummy and daddy don't. I left it to them to decide what they believe but always encouraged them to question everything. DS is now 11 and a staunch atheist. His critical thinking is well developed and he is allowed to miss prayers at school because he told them he didn't believe.

DD is younger and has not decided yet - but then Santa is still real for her too.

'

I think as you say it's a bit like Father Christmas. She is only 5. I wouldn't worry about it at the moment.

It is highly likely that your daughter will become an atheist when she is older, just as you did. And there is a danger that you make her stressed and unhappy if religious becomes a source of tension.

However, as she grows up and different responses become appropriate, you might well find that you can bring some interesting ideas into family conversations. Try reading Anthony Freeman's book God in Us. And remember that while he is the only Anglican priest defrocked for his views, there are plenty of others out there. Religion isn't just about belief - it is about culture, community, practice, moral codes... I think people get too caught up in metaphysical questions like 'Do you believe in God?'

You might also be interested in Donn Cupitt's writings and the Sea of Faith movement. I have also discussed Ludwig Feuerbach's idea of God as the outward projection of ourselves and Max Weber's sociological theory about the origins of religion. I have taught Philosophy of Religion for donkeys years and have found no difference in the critical thinking abilities of religious and atheist students.