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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

friend of DD being thrown out at 18

40 replies

molliec · 28/01/2013 16:48

My dds friend is on the verge of being thrown out by his father and step mother. He has has tentatively asked if he can stay in our spare room and pay rent from a small part time job. He is a nice lad and struggling to finish A levels and get to university. For some reason they do seem to be giving him a very hard time. I usually take what the kids say with a pinch of salt but this case seems genuine. He is rarely allowed to use the computer or internet - his course is computer studies- so he is already a year behind. His list of cores after school make me go pale. I dont want to interfere and cannot really afford a lodger but at 18 I cant think of anyone else to help him.

OP posts:
LesbianMummy1 · 28/01/2013 22:00

Turn2us.org.uk may be able to help work out what he would be entitled to.

Original poster
molliec · 29/01/2013 19:31

Thanks .This has given me some avenues to explore. We`ll manage somehow and, you never know, he may make millions in the future and be really grateful.
Meanwhile i think the child benefit is a definate.

OP posts:
Original poster
molliec · 31/01/2013 09:13

Things are looking much worse for all of us now. My job is at serious risk which means the end. There is no chance of keeping the house if this happens so we could all be homeless. DD could stay with friends until she goes to university - husband could stay with friends. I would just call it a day - im just too tired of fighting life all the time. But I would regret leaving this nice lad with nowhere to go.

OP posts:
FiercePanda · 31/01/2013 09:17

What do you mean by "call it a day", mollie...?

PeachActiviaMinge · 31/01/2013 09:23

Mollie go look at your beautiful DD tell her you love her and think of all the wonderful things she has coming up in her life then tell me you could just call it a day. Even in our darkest times we have hope sweetheart you have wonderful people in your life and you sound like a wonderful person. Get yourself to the CAB and start doing what you can to protect yourself if you do end up losing your job if you need to scream and shout or just talk PM me I can always listen.

You are not alone. I'm here I can listen and I will. No-one is ever truly alone.

CuriousMama · 31/01/2013 09:25

Sad Poor lad. Thank God he has you.

FiercePanda · 31/01/2013 09:34

If your H could stay with friends, so could you. Please go to CAB and find out how you can protect yourself and your family. You are not alone, Mollie. Keep talking.

CuriousMama · 31/01/2013 09:39

Oh sorry just saw your latest post. How awful for you all.

ChinUpChestOut · 31/01/2013 09:47

Mollie you're not calling it a day. There's still fight in you yet. Get that chin up and chest out, girl, and take it one day at a time.

You've had an idea to help a deserving lad out, now follow up on it with the CAB and see what benefits he's entitled to. Whilst you're down there, ask them about your own situation if push comes to shove and you lose your job. You don't get made homeless overnight, with no notice. Mollie, you have a big heart that will get you through, and MN will keep encouraging you on, and give you plenty of advice on where to go for help etc.

raisah · 23/02/2013 04:16

Yes do it & help him fulfill his dreams & potential in life. It can go wrong v quickly if you weren't prepared to take him in. So many young people end up on the streeys becausr of their dysfunctional homr lives. His father should not expect his son to look out for him when he becomes a dependent as a pensioner. His son owes him nothing and should concentrate on making a success of his life thanks to you.

CheerfulYank · 23/02/2013 04:22

We'll help you. None of this calling it a day.

This boy needs you, so do your husband and DD. What do you need? What exactly is going on?

raisah · 23/02/2013 04:26

So sorry to hear about your change in circumstances. As previous posters say chin up & face the world, if you are tired come here to find some rest. Plenty of ppl here to hold your hand & give you support. In the meantime sign up to a couple of temping agencies to keep your options open. My friend signed upto Brook ST temping agency (they r nationwide & online) when her job finished. They got her a job as a dept secretary at a university within 3 days. Send them your cv & your daughters too so they can find her a job during the summer hils. Good luck & keep us posted.

CalamityJ · 26/03/2013 02:04

My parents were in a similar situation and took my friend in. It ended up only being temporary as he then made contact with an aunt and moved in with her. So why not take him in on the understanding it's temporary and then look into something more permanent. My friend would have had to drop out of school without my parents intervening and he's now a very successful accountant. There will be some way of helping your daughter's friend in the long run as others have suggested but please do help him in the short term till he can access the longer term options.

CalamityJ · 26/03/2013 02:09

Just seen your change in circumstances. As others have said, there will be people to help you as they would help your daughter's friend so please talk to them. CAB, housing department, even the Samaritains if you're saying what I think you're saying.

Crinkle77 · 26/03/2013 16:01

You have only heard your sons friends version of events. The parents might have another story to tell

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