Dementia - Are they waiting for someone to die/be killed?

[LiteralNightmare]

How do you get help? We've tried GP, A&E and police multiple times. And nothing. I really think they're just waiting for him to hurt someone before helping. There's always another step - if he has this assessment/appointment/meeting/ bah blah blah nothing gets done. Just everyone suffering and dying slowly.

Hi OP, this sounds awful, has he been diagnosed with dementia? Is he a risk to himself or others?

OP is it that the person has been diagnosed with dementia but hasn’t been provided with support, or that they have undiagnosed memory issues?

Agree, it's awful. In my experience, yes you have to get to crisis point before anyone takes any interest.

Do you want to tell us a bit more about what help heneeds and who you are in the situation so we might ba able to help point you in the right direction

Well police aren’t going to put a care plan in place, they will make him safe in the immediate term and make a referral. Same for A&E really, but he should be under a consultant and maybe need a social worker.

What help does he need and who isn’t providing it? I had to use a private care agency for my mum, then later a care home. It’s really adult social care that should be assisting I would imagine. Hard to know with so little info.

It is bleak for dementia sufferers and their families, I agree.

Tell us a little bit more OP about what's been going on.

Have you had any contact with social services?

Where do they live, independently, alone or with a partner, carers go in, with you, in a care home?

Is he a relative/friend? If he isn't, do you have a means of contacting them?

Is there POA in place?

Have you registered a SS safeguarding concern?

If you tell us a little bit more, we can try to help.

Sorry for lack of info. It's my elderly dad. Lives alone, my brother is staying with him to help. Brother is not well either. I'm in a different country. Dad keeps wandering, then falling when out. Strangers keep helping pick him up/ring us that he's lost but we're in a constant state of panic. He gets very angry if stopped going out. Brother is absolutely exhausted. Dad says he's going back to his wife and small kids. He's separated decades and us kids are in our 50s. Needs to go work in the middle of the night. Everyone is stealing from him. Standard dementia chaos.

GP is rubbish. Has given an antihistamine to calm him - one a day, two if exceptional needs. He's had social care around who gave him a toilet seat. Police very kind when they find him but cant detain him obviously. Although I wish he could be under some kind of section to keep him safe.

He's so angry at my brother who tries to stop him going out because he gets hurt or lost. I'm worried dad will hurt my brother or my brother will have a breakdown. I'm actually too scared to go over to help.

Was it social care or OT who gave the toilet seat?

Has your Dad been fully assessed by adult services and has your brother had a carers assessment?

A Social Care Prescriber came to his home last week (toilet seat, oh and a falls watch) is that Social Care? Dad has an appointment with a Memory Clinic in three weeks.

It's tough, does anyone have power of attorney for him. I think the police can detain him or move him to a place of safety if he's at risk to himself, I'm not an expert. The best would be to call an ambulance when ne falls, no one should be picking him up, they don't know if he's injured or what his behaviour is like. Has your brother contacted the local adult social services safeguarding team.

Contact social services and ask for a care act assessment of your dad and carers assessment for your brother. Make sure to mention that your dad is wandering and cannot be kept safe. A social prescriber is something different and usually via the GP

No POA. My brother has started following him in case he falls or gets lost. I've told him to ring an ambulance if he/when he falls again. Although they brought him to A&E a few weeks ago who just sent him home again. Dad was actually trying to hit my brother with his walking stick while there.

Thank you. I'm actually so muddled with what we've asked for and I'm not sure if we've requested/been offered that. I'll email them now in case I haven't already.

Oh OP it's so difficult. SO many similar themes with my dad. Wanting to go home to the house he'd moved from 20 years previously, asking after relatives who had died 30 years before, accusations that my mum was either drugging him or stealing from him, paranoia that there were "bad men" in the house, up half the night doing random stuff... the only saving grace was that they lived in a very small village where there was nowhere to get lost.

A few points of advice. Call the local council's social services and ask to speak to the duty social worker. You don't have to give your name but explain the situation and ask their advice. They can signpost you to help. Ask your dad's GP for an urgent referral to a memory clinic, generatric psychiatrist, adult mental health - anyone. Two antihistamines is fucking appalling. There are drugs which are given as a matter of course to elderly people with dementia to calm them, help them sleep and just make life more bearable for everyone. Put in a complaint to the practice manager.

Speak to the Alzheimer's Society or check out their website, and suggest your brother do that too. There are lots of groups and support options for carers too and your brother is going to need them.

Best of luck. Dementia sucks.

I'm not that far ahead of you with my own dad, who isn't as far on as yours is.

Age UK has been said to me several times as a great source of help and advice, and I'm guessing they can be telephoned from anywhere. I'm glad he's got the falls alarm. Next thing I'd add is a tracker to his keys or sewn into the back of his coat or whatever he is most likely to always take with him. They can be such a worry can't they.

Has he had a blood test and urine sample taken by somebody from his GP surgery, yet?

Sometimes you have to be tough, I wonder if the police can use a section 136, if he gets taken to hospital again maybe your brother shouldn't go, other than to handover his personal details, is he going to apply for deputyship. Has your dad had a capacity assessment and a formal dementia diagnosis.

Ah, already done.

One buzzphrase that it might be worth your brother learning to be able to parrot out at the next A&E visit is "Unsafe discharge". They must make an assessment for if it is safe to discharge him home. That might get some balls rolling/quicker.

Sorry for not quote replying. To answer some questions:

He has a tracker, where he lives doesn't have brilliant coverage but it's ok.

GP won't give him anything more appropriate until he sees the Memory Care Unit.

I told brother to leave him in A&E a few weeks ago but dad just walked out. 2am - me in Ireland tracking his rubbish tracker and giving my brother directions around the grounds of the hospital to find him. I got my brother to put the security guard on the phone and I begged him to not let dad leave - no joy.

All urine tests clear. No infections causing delirium.

What’s his financial situation? Could he employ a carer to come in? Does he have savings? He will likely have to self fund care if he has savings or equity in his home.
What would you like to happen? What would he want? There are lots of different options depending on finances and living situation etc.

He'd have to be admitted to be unsafely discharged. They didn't care a few weeks ago. It's always go back to your GP.

I see you have an appointment with the memory clinic - I would suggest your brother phones the GP first thing on MOnday and says that needs to be brought forward as a matter of urgency. If things are bad over the weekend, 111.

There are so many families dealing with this and you need to shout long and hard, hassle them every single day. Your dad can't do this for himself.