Just wondering if anyone has any practical advice on pros and cons of having LPA for a parent with dementia, where there is a 'difficult' sibling in the mix?
My situation is:
Elderly DM is in the early stages of what I think is very likely to be diagnosed as dementia. We have been discussing LPA for a while (she brought it up) and she has always said she wants finance LPA for me alone and health and wellbeing LPA for me and sibling. She has been putting off filling in the paperwork as she doesn't see it as urgent (always something to organise when she's done everything she thinks is more immediate) but I think if we're going to do them it needs to be done asap.
Sibling is involved in her care and she takes a lot of notice of their views. At present she does not want them to have finance LPA as the knows when the time comes to use it there will be a lot of work that she thinks will be too much for sibling. I have been helping DM deal with her finances/bills etc for a while now so I have already have a reasonable understanding of what's involved.
Sibling is also not very organised and she has previously indicated that she would be worried they wouldn't handle things properly (I share this concern) but she now seems to think they wonderful and would make a great job of anything but are just too busy.
Sibling and I are not on good terms and in my view sibling is burying their head in the sand about DM's condition. Sibling has made it clear they do not think we should even consider selling DM's home and moving her in to residential care no matter what her future needs. DM has said previously that she does not want to go in to a care home but I don't think she has ever really considered what the alternative is if she needs 24/7 care. There is not the money to pay live-in carers in her home. Sibling think we should become her carers, including 24 hour care if necessary, for as long as she is alive. I am simply not willing to do this and don't think it would be in anyone's best interests if/when she is no longer safe to live alone. My concern is that if I take steps to arrange a care home and sell DM's house (when she no longer has capacity) under the LPA sibling will challenge this. I have no idea whether that could leave me personally liable for anything.
Sibling has also recently started to suggest that I have been trying to take things that he considers valuable from DM's house. There are a few things that DM has given to me as she can no longer use them (eg kitchen gadgets) but none have any significant re-sale value and to be honest I don't even particularly want them but don't want to argue with DM who clearly thinks they are wonderful gifts. I worry that if I had LPA and needed to use it he would accuse me of mismanaging her finances. Clearly I will keep full records but I don't want to accusations, especially as I work with vulnerable people.
On the other hand, I think it's almost certain that (unless she develops a new and very serious physical illness) DM will lose capacity before she dies and if no-one has LPA dealing with her finances and care will be expensive, stressful and messy. If asked, I'm sure that sibling would refuse to take on LPA as they consider it unnecessary and/or they are too busy. There is no other family member or friend who could reasonably be asked to take it on (all DM's remaining friends/siblings etc are elderly and not in the best of health themselves).
Does anyone have any advice, ideas or suggestions of things to consider?