Finding it tough at times with elderly mum

[rottweilersrock]

My mum is 87, and she has also got noticeably more anxious lately. She panics about the slightest thing and definitely seems to be getting a bit more confused. She can get very tearful at times, and will build things up to be a big problem when they needn’t be. It’s hard to see the changes in an elderly parent, especially when they’ve always been so strong and independent.
My mum lives with us in an adjoining annexe, so I am always around for her, but it’s tough at times. I find myself getting frustrated when she gets herself in a state over an easily solved problem. Then I feel guilty about feeling that way.
Just now she was in floods of tears because she had a doctors appointment booked for tomorrow and I can’t take her. I told her when she booked the appointment that I couldn’t take her, and suggested she change it for a time that I could do.
She didn’t change it and said she’d contact dial-a-ride. She’s not been able to get hold of them, so was sobbing and asking if she could ask my son to take her. I said I didn’t know if he was available, and that she would really struggle anyway to get in and out of his small car. She hadn’t phoned the doctor to change the appointment as she didn’t want to mess them around.
I phoned and changed appointment for her with no problems.
The doctor gave her some medication last week (water tablets) but she’s not taken it yet as she wants to speak to him about another issue first. This is quite common- she will get prescribed something, but then reads the possible side effects and won’t take it.
Not sure what my point is with this post! I guess I just needed to ‘talk’ to someone who understands how hard it can be.
Thanks for listening!

Joining in to say this is my mother too - and she’s 87 as well. Medically she’s doing relatively well but her anxiety is out of control. Have had memory tests etc at GP and she got all the questions”right” but I’m aware that cognitive decline could be part of this.
Have GP appt booked for week after next to discuss anti anxiety meds - her lovely GP has suggested them twice before but Mum is v anti meds in general. but we’re at a point now where if she refuses to even try the meds I’m not sure I’m willing to spend so much time supporting her and trying to calm her down

sigh

My Mum went to her lovely gentle quiet GP about her anxiety/depression. The GP suggested meds and my mum refused. She was shocked when her GP became angry and said ‘People like you make me sick! I have patients coming in here all the time that I really want to help, and I can’t. There is nothing else I can do for them. Then you come in and I could help, but you won’t let me“ Mum took the meds and was better.
Something to consider though, is that when we were young, awful drugs like Valium and Lithium were usually prescribed. They were addictive and had terrible side effects. We all knew someone who was affected, or had heard the horror stories. It could be that like my mum, your mother is frightened of the meds, not realising that things have moved on since then.

good point @Incandescentangel (My GM used to knock her Valium back at night with a glass of whisky. 😳)

Plus it wasn't that long ago when women were locked up because of mental health issues brought on by menopause...memories like that could be sticking around in the memories of octogenarians.

When I had to get DM (79) to phone and speak with her bank a couple of years ago, she was asked security questions, to which she looked at me blankly and said 'what's she saying?' and passed the phone to me. Since then it's clear she has dementia now but refuses tests/memory clinics etc.

Apparently, because I'm so much cleverer than her, I can deal with everything rather than her...

God I really relate. My mother treats me like a personal servant. Phoning me up because she can’t make things work, blah blah. She has no interest in me or my life just makes nasty comments or puts me down. Never asks how my holiday went, how I’m feeling, nothing. I hate going to see her . I don’t even like her.

She is also very anxious about things all the time and never used to be like this .I wonder why so many elderly people become like this?