Arranging live-in care for elderly parents self-funding, advice please

[NetZeroZealot]

After several recent crises, DP have at last agreed to a live-in carer. Luckily they have an annex in their house which is ideal accommodation.

We want to put this in place in the New Year.

Mum is early stages dementia and was caring for Dad who is very frail, but they don't need round-the-clock care. Help with basic day to day stuff, reminders to take medicines, food planning and preparation, occasional driving to appointments, no personal care. They already have a cleaner.

Grateful for any words of wisdom from those who have been on this journey already. Thanks

8-10 hours a day, not per week!

Ok so that doesn't sound like it would work for you. My in laws were recommended an agency called Trust on Tap, which sou ds a bit more flexible. I'm not sure whether they are in your area, but might be worth a try? www.trustontap.com/care-services/how-it-works/

If they are living in though there needs to be a minimum charge. They are giving up their personal life and can't do much with a few extra hours a day off if they are living away from home.

2 consecutive days off a week! They will have their own self-contained accommodation. They could study, wfh ... They won't need to pay rent anywhere else for the time they are staying there.

Thanks , they look good.

Turns out we're just outside their area - although for live-in care I'm not sure why this would be a problem!

We used an agency called Elder for mil and fil. One carer living in for 2 weeks at a time then swapping with another. We got lucky and had a good long run of the same carers on rotation. It doesn't always work out that way, whatever agency you go with. We did have a couple of carers at the beginning who just weren't a good fit.

2 hours off every day, no routine overnight care. Although they did get up on the odd occasion something went wrong in the night. If you need waking overnight care that's a whole different thing.

I'm not aware that you can really have less live-in care than this. I think 2 weeks on, a week off is pretty standard. The carer still needs to pay rent or mortgage on their own home while living away.

It's not a cure-all solution. It fell apart for us when mil became too hard for one person to safely transfer to and from the chair or the bed.

But we were lucky and they were able to stay at home for much longer than they would have otherwise.

But they will still have to pay to retain their own accommodation unless they are able to sub let….

my Mum had to have a live in carer which we arranged through an agency.it was made very clear that the carer was ‘off duty’ between 10pm and 8am and had to have 2 hrs off in the day . You need to be very clear about what arrangements are going to be for night time. If they fall who is going to respond to call alarm ( assuming they have a call pendant) .

they have safe working practices which probably won’t align to you parents way of doing things…… be warned!

Im
hoping to find a mutually satisfactory long term arrangement. But maybe that doesn’t exist …

Yes I understand this. They do not currently need night time care. Their needs are modest. Medicine. Shopping. Driving. Meal planning. Cooking. Just keeping safe. I am aware this may change & then we will adapt the care to meet their needs.

@NetZeroZealot My friend used staff from an agency. They were vetted and had 6 month contracts. This was to stop anyone “taking over” and coercing the elderly people. You might like to think about your recruitment strategy and how they will interact with your parents. The set up sounds excellent but you need the right person.

It’s worth asking about in their area with orgs that deal with the elderly a lot eg we have a middle aged lady at church who needed accommodation and she’s gone to live with a couple with similar needs to your parents, her duties are a bit lighter, more like 3 hours per day plus a promise to spend 3 evenings a week just watching tv, playing scrabble, jigsaws etc with them. She cooks daily and eats with them but receives pay only for. The 3 hours a day as the eating of the meal is saving her money and the socialising is in lieu of rent

Slightly wild idea.

Have you got any local colleges, hospitals or universities?

Is what you’re looking for comparable with an au pair?

Not that wild! I did think of something like that but I think we will need someone more experienced given Mum's expected dementia diagnosis. And since we have had carers coming in they seem to have identified other issues they need help with (e.g. barrier creams) which I wasn't aware of.

I can see why you and the agencies might be struggling to find common ground.

If I play it back:

• you want live in, which suggests wanting a pretty high amount of availability.
• current care needs are multiple visits a day, using carers not generic visitors. So unless going to supplement the live in carer on some days that means 7 days a week care requirements.
• agencies employ staff, so have to meet working time and holiday requirements in employment law.

Getting a bit more clarity on the concept for how you think the carers ‘off’ days might work may help.

There is also another angle on the carer space which is direct employed. That doesn’t have the agency support, but does mean can work with someone on a more individually customised arrangement. Maybe something that has visit carers as a top up.

If there are local community Facebook groups worth an ask on there if anyone has recommendations or ideas or is interested.

Young sensible adult in a busy home still living with parents might be keen on the general help role, au pair style topped up with visiting carers for the specialist stuff.

Not multiple care visits a day. One a day on 5 days a week, shared between 2 different carers. I go one day, and they are ok on their own for 1 day.

I organised live in care for my dad for nearly 3 years. He has just moved ro a care home as he declined massively after a UTI. He now has advanced dementia. We used Consultus and it worked really well to start with...as his dementia worsened things became harder to manage. The general model is 2 weeks on/2 weeks off.

@ScaryM0nster Private firms might do multiple visits a day if they have the staff, but social care is max 4 normally. Very short visits. If someone needs help toileting or eating, every other day isn’t much use!