80 year old neighbour won’t sit still despite back pain

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My neighbour won’t sit still, he is in a lot of pain with his back but his wife has confided in us that he simply won’t listen to her and just constantly has to be outside keeping busy, despite the fact it’s got colder.
He grits his teeth through the pain in sheer determination not to sit down and rot as he describes it.
His wife is concerned but at the same time has said his stamina is what’s kept him going for so long.
Any ideas how we can help? It seems maybe he’s losing his mind?

I agree but there would be an underlaying cause other than age or wear and tear. Any treatment may including things like ice pack, which he may choose not to do.

Is he agitated, utis are quite common and can change people, suggest he sees a doctor

Suggest that her that he could see a physio specialising in older people, to support him with his desire to keep active for as long as possible, specifically to address back pain, and also to work on his core strength and balance in order to reduce the risk of a fall.

In addition to the benifit that would do him, an outside expert giving him the green light to continue living as he wishes might also put his wife's mind to rest

The best way to help your neighbour is to respect his autonomy. Turning 80 does not mean he has to hand over control of his life to his wife, concerned neighbours or anyone else.

I think there is more to this than just restlessness. His wife is asking for help. Caring for someone with dementia ( which it sounds like) is unbelievably hard and lonely. Can you help her contact Adult Social Care and see if there is any help or support for her?

His wife is simply venting. You don’t need to get involved.

Yes I don’t think you have to have lots of ideas. Maybe probe a bit on what she’s really worried about. Does she feel she has to follow him around in case he falls, and is it exhausting her? Would a pendant alarm help so she doesn’t have to be there all the time?

You could buy her a tube of deep heat or voltarol for her to rub into his back. It would help her to feel as if she is doing something and might alleviate his symptoms without restricting his activity.
Sitting could well be uncomfortable for him, and keeping moving could be helpful . . .

@Ohpleeeeaseyes I think his wife is panicking and not telling me the full story. I think the way he’s acting is causing her to be concerned. She said he’s got ants in his pants and it irritated, like if he sits down he’s giving in. I don’t want to think what this could turn into but I’m not sure we have much choice.

Far better he stays active.

Sitting around is the worst thing you can do for bad backs.

My 80 year old dad has chronic back pain and cannot sit still. It hurts when he walks around but it hurts more when he sits still. He just can't get comfortable.

I think he's doing the right thing. When elderly people "give up" the decline is very rapid.

I'm not really sure what your neighbour is expecting you to do about this? You're not his doctor and you're not in a position to do anything. You're his next door neighbour, not his social worker. She needs to talk to his GP.

If he can deal with the pain he's in, I'm not really sure why he shouldn't be as active as he likes. Unless you live in the Arctic, it's not cold at all, and even if it was more wintry, there's really nothing wrong with being outdoors in winter if you're moving around and keeping warm.

He's probably bored, fed up with his wife fussing and trying to move around a lot more because he's realised how old he is and, confronted with his own mortality, is subconsciously trying to prove to himself and to others that he's not a frail old man confined to armchair.

next time she mentions it tell her to ask the GP, make sympathetic noises of course

Unless he has been specifically told to sit down and rest a lot, I think he is doing exactly the right thing. He’s presumably going to be in just as much pain if he is sitting around and it will probably actually feel worse if he has no activity to distract him from it. I don’t know what your neighbour thinks you can do about this, But I suspect there’s a bigger scenario and she is probably worried about their increasing age, general health, what would happen if he is hospitalised and she is left on her own etc etc. The only thing you can really suggest to her is that she speaks to their GP or community nurses or their family if they have any? Do they have children or younger family members who you ever see arrive or leave and could waylay?

It's what you do when sitting down causes the most horrendous back pain the second you try and breathe, much less move.

I think your instincts are right. You can’t take this on for her but you might be able to steer her towards the right services. Having seen how my elderly mother was broken by caring for my father before she accepted help I’d say she needs support.